This is absolutely the bane of my life.
If I’m really honest, I think I was prone to it before I got ill (or at least before I realised I was), and I can also see it in my late father (late in more ways than one - he never used to pay a bill until the red notice came, and things like that).
So I do think there’s a bit of a family trait there to overcome, but I also think it has got worse since my illness.
I actually get anxious about doing things - sometimes it’s because I’m expecting them to be a hassle psychologically, other times (e.g. with housework) I think I’m daunted by the physical magnitude of the task. But then I get anxious about not having done stuff too. So I’m anxious about doing things, but uncomfortable with NOT doing them - Catch-22.
I’ve started keeping a record of achievements, however modest, so I can see the things I have done, and not keep beating myself up so much about all the ones I still haven’t.
Today, apart from being stuck on the phone to my mum for an hour, I’ve done an hour’s housework, two short Dutch lessons, washed and hung up the tea towels, paid all the outstanding utility bills, ordered my vitamin D - quite a lot for someone who is ill, even though there’s ten times that still waiting to be done.
Give yourself credit for the things you have managed to do, as sometimes it adds up to quite a lot.
I must admit, if I’ve got a choice of cleaning the loo or doing a Dutch lesson, I’ll probably do the Dutch lesson, but I’m trying to wean myself off thinking of that as “time wasted”, because I wasn’t idle - I was doing something that took effort. I wasn’t vegged out in front of Jeremy Kyle or whatever.