Well, I’m sure I can remember making a near identical post this time last year. I’ve just had my annual appraisal at work, and although I suppose it was nothing negative overall, the areas for development are: “You’re not putting yourself OUT THERE! You’re not planning and organising things…”
To be honest, I have absolutely zero interest, any more, in putting myself “out there”, or planning and organising anything. I didn’t know how frank I ought to be that I’m not interested in this, and I don’t know how reasonable it is to always blame my health.
Realistically, I just want well-defined tasks I can get on and do. I don’t want to be constantly striving to make a name for myself, or get noticed in the right circles - I don’t have the motivation for all that. I know it’s not good form to say you’re no longer interested in career development; you consider it fortunate still to have a job at all, but that’s how I feel. I find it utterly pointless to have a discussion about my path to a promotion I know I will never want.
On the other hand, I know my boss is being absolutely politically correct by NOT making the assumption career progression is irrelevant, to someone with MS. Should I have said: “Look, it’s very kind of you, but the reality is I’m not interested, and it’s never gonna happen”? Or is that complete suicide? Do I need to keep up the pretence of being hungry and ambitious, to have any future with the company at all? Even if the truth is that you know you’ve gone as far as you can go, and you’re only still doing the job at all because it’s better than ESA, it’s obviously not acceptable to say this.
I feel very glum, and wonder if I wouldn’t be better off (albeit not financially) just resigning. I think I’ve done well just to survive another year at work without missing any deadlines or screwing up anything big-time. My boss thinks I haven’t done well, because I’m not exhibiting dynamism or proactivity. /Yawn.