Hi sorry about this but I don’t no how to remove a post so I just deleted it.
Rob, this is a great place to let off steam. Most of us want to moan or rant on occasion and I think it can be useful to write this stuff down. Nothing wrong (in my opinion) with being angry either, but I would say try not to let it consume you. It is what it is, and that might be crap, just don’t waste too much precious energy. Save your energy for the useful and good bits in supporting your wife with this naff situation, try to imagine what you might say to her if the roles were reversed. Spare some time for yourself to recharge so that you can carry on helping your wife. Wishing you both all the best.
Why would anyone be angry just because your wife has come down with potentially life threatening illness? I am being facetious of course. I was known at the hospital units as “that Wild Man”, the reason being that we in the States have lousy MS care unless you can afford the best and most expensive hospitals. That’s right another damn “Yank”!. I got involved with the UK MS site because the quality of the site, it’s support of its patrons, and the knowledge that is made available in open forums befort the US MS Society hands down. That is enough to make me an angry man. My wife probably had MS before we met as you evaluate stress levels, medical and social history, you realize that when our typical physician diagnoses you with MS it is just dumb luck. My wife and I still got married after finding out her diagnosis. I love her, and her son’s were worthless when it came to care or concern for their mum. I could not turn tail and leave her like most men would have done. We loved each other immensely and MS was just a nuisance for a while. When it got serious, it was a terror. Her first doctor was a specialist in epilepsy, then she was moved to an NP specializing in MS. There were no MS doctors on the neuro staff. Eventually they got a doctor from Johns-Hopkins that looked great on paper but could not deal with humans. She was replaced with another MS Specialist that almost as crude as the pior doctor and before she said hello, she said something to my wife that almost caused her to fall out of her chair but until she passed away she would not confirm what the doctor said that set her of in a downward spiral from which she never recovered. I wrote letters to the head of the hospital, the head of physicians and yelled at anyone entering her room in the ER/ED or her hospital room if they demanded something of her that she was incapable of doing. I can go on and tell you more about her horror story but I am sure there are plenty stories to go around. This epistle is to simply agree that whether you are are MS patient, or a carer you have the right to fight for your relative. Likewise, when you encounter a charitable person or action besure to express your thanks and appreciation for the smallest of actions. Your medical journey will be different but you and your carer are the only two people that have the right to express your feelings - good or bad. (Rhoda passed away 16 June 2018.) On that day, please say a prayer or pass good thoughts her way. Thank you.
yes i agree hun. its getting into perspective isnt it that counts.
i dont believe anyone has said not fight for a relative have they? I am sure i have met you before? Its not about fighting it was a person who felt angry for his wife who has MS. she was dealing with it amazingly well. we dont want carers to feel angry for their relatives. I know what it is like being cared for and being a carer and i lost my husband and i was angry at him.
I hope you get some relief and peace in your life.
Crazy Chick, its good to hear from you.
I never felt angry with my wife, but I felt very angry at a medical system that was not properly caring for my wife. She deserved better and did not get it for several reasons. Our spouses that were loving and caring people and never hurt anyone deserve better than she got. If there is any guilt on me, I gladly accept it. It is great to hear from a fighter like yourself Ms. Crazy
Chick, and I hope you and your family are doing better. If you think my post was wrong , just say so. Remember we were in the States, not the UK. As time goes by, I still pray for her and my pain is easing up. That is what time tells us. I do not think time will heal all of my wounds,only God can. Thank you for posting.
I don’t think there is necessarily such a thing as a post that is ‘wrong’. Sometimes it’s just what you feel on a given day.
I don’t know what the OP wrote that he wanted to remove. To be honest, I don’t much care. Certainly I’m furious at MS a lot of the time and I’m sure my husband is too. In fact, if there are times when he’s angry at me for being unable to do everything he wants to do, or for not wanting to go out, or for snapping at him when he’s just trying to help (this I know is true!) then I don’t really blame him.
None of us are perfect. It would be a strange world if we were. So anger, correctly directed or misplaced is just a human emotion that we can’t always help.
I’m sure that CC felt furious at her husband for dying. A close friend of mine died not long ago and I’m still angry at the world for taking him from me and at him for dying. Even if he couldn’t exactly help it!
So be honest, feel free to change your mind later. Be real and be human.
(I’m so sorry to Veendam and to Crazy Chick for their loss. I am terrified that my husband will predecease me. I don’t want to be here without him.)