No Nursing Home For Us ! (joke)

Everyday living
1

NO NURSING HOME FOR US!!!

No nursing home for us. We’ll be checking into a Holiday Inn!

With the average cost for a nursing-home care costing £188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and too feeble…

We’ve already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn:

For a combined long-term-stay discount and senior discount, it’s £59.23 per night.

Breakfast i****s included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.

That leaves £128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies.

Plus, they provide a spa, swimming-pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc.

Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

£5 worth of tips a day and you’ll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

They’ll treat you like a customer, not a patient.

There’s a bus stop out front, and seniors ride for free.

For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.

While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today.

And you’re not stuck in one place forever – you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.

Want to see Scotland? They have Holiday Inn there too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem… They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you’re ok. If not, they’ll call an ambulance . . . or the undertaker.

If you fall and break a hip, the NHS will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family.

They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days’ mini-vacation.

The grandkids can use the pool.

What more could we ask for?

So, when I reach that golden age, I’ll face it with a grin.

AIDS WARNING**!**

To all of you approaching 50 or have REACHED 50 and past, this is especially for you…

SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION’S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!

HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROLL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
AND MOST OF ALL,

MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!

Not forgetting HIV

(Hair is Vanishing)

I’m only sending this to my friends on the MS Board.

I love to see you smile.

2

thats brilliant-!!.

3

Haha, enjoyed the script…cant wait to retire now. xx Maria.

4

Nice one seb1901.

Where do i sign.

Chris.

5

I hate to disillusion you.

I manage a nursing / residential home for people with severe mental health issues.

The fee has previously been around £600.00 per week (which would calculate to £86.00 per day).

This includes 3 meals with three choices each mealtime, all laundry washed and ironed, all personal hygiene needs attended to (toiletting, washing, shaving, bathing etc) and activities morning, afternoon and evening.

Following the draconian cuts to the welfare bill, the PCT is currently ‘consulting’ on cutting our weekly fee to £400.00 per week.

We will not survive to cover basic running costs.

I apologise for hijacking your post, I know you were joking but folks out there tend to think care and nursing homes are a rip off.

The cost of good quality care (rather than just a Holiday Inn bed for the night) is high, I’m deeply saddened that this government doesn’t appreciate the costs in real terms (I work for a not for profit charity by the way) and will allow vulnerable people to be abandoned to poor quality, cheap care or the streets…

7

Hi, yes it is a brilliant idea alright.

Where do we sign?

luv Pollx

8

Sounds good Seb, I’ll be in the queue! Teresa xx

9

[quote=“seb1901”]

NO NURSING HOME FOR US!!!

No nursing home for us. We’ll be checking into a Holiday Inn!

With the average cost for a nursing-home care costing £188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and too feeble…

We’ve already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn:

For a combined long-term-stay discount and senior discount, it’s £59.23 per night.

Breakfast i****s included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.

That leaves £128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies.

Plus, they provide a spa, swimming-pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc.

Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

£5 worth of tips a day and you’ll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

They’ll treat you like a customer, not a patient.

There’s a bus stop out front, and seniors ride for free.

For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.

While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today.

And you’re not stuck in one place forever – you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.

Want to see Scotland? They have Holiday Inn there too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem… They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you’re ok. If not, they’ll call an ambulance . . . or the undertaker.

If you fall and break a hip, the NHS will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family.

They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days’ mini-vacation.

The grandkids can use the pool.

What more could we ask for?

So, when I reach that golden age, I’ll face it with a grin.

AIDS WARNING**!**

To all of you approaching 50 or have REACHED 50 and past, this is especially for you…

SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION’S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!

HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROLL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
AND MOST OF ALL,

MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!

Not forgetting HIV

(Hair is Vanishing)

I’m only sending this to my friends on the MS Board.

I love to see you smile.

[/quote] Well you made me smile even though I’m in the latter group ouch!!!

Janet

10

loved it seb laughed so loud my cat gave me a funny look!!!

more please kathy

11

Loved this Seb - Very funny - Years ago - elderly Gentlefolk - who had ‘fallen on hard times’ and could not afford the upkeep on their crumbling homes - would book into hotels on the coast. They would get a good deal as a longstay guest. Enjoy having their meals placed in front of them - rooms/beds cleaned. They could stroll along the front enjoying the sea air. Sit in the gardens and perhaps enjoy the band playing on the pier. There are elderly folk who go on cruises - continuously - as they can do this cheaper then being in a retirement home. Cruise ships are equipped with bodybags/coffins for the inevitable. l know someone who is an entertainer on cruise ships - and he says this happens frequently. What a way to go!!! - l hope it is not because of my friends singing.

Facilities in modern hotels are usually disabled friendly.

So - its no nursing home for us too.

F.