Hi all i am new on here and i am looking for advice and direction,My wife was diagnosed with MS on May 14th she went to the doctors after Christmas 2000 with blurred vision and sent to hospital weeks later for a lumber puncture and MRI scan and that was the end of the matter fast forwarding over the last five or so years we have visited 4 hospitals trying to sort out my wifes toilet issues which have been embarrassing for her on many occasions at work by the way she ia a Neurology nurse (private sector),her issues were always put down to wear and tear of her job since she has been working in care since the age of 15 (now 44).
A couple of weeks back we had a meeting with our MS nurse and a doctor to confirm the results after a fresh scan some weeks earlier and they are wanting to do a further scan this Christmas but have told us she is now SP,my wife always had her suspicions of her condition but kept them from me we have a very strong marriage 24 years this month and she knows i will always be around for her,we both work and my wife is the main bread winner but i have always dealt with the finance side of things but now i am full of guilt because she still has to works to pay the mortgage and we never took out any critical cover the best thing i have been able to do is secure a Blue badge for her since her Mobility is limited and fatigue soon kicks in.
I have put a complaint in against the hospital looking for answers since the Consultant who gave her diagnosis in May told her he was sorry to be the burden of bad news and that she had MS for the last 16 years and now sent a letter to us and our doctor changing his words to why she was not consulted she might get MS this has been hard to swallow and still quite raw for me but i am trying to help my wife in the best way possible since she knows the outcome for us both because of her job so any help or advice would be appreciated we are also looking into cashing in some small pension polices to pay off the mortgage it is now a small one less than 15k i know money matters are always in the back of her mind.
Thanks for taking time to read this.
For starters, please stop kicking yourself for not having taken out critical illness cover. It seems to me most unlikely that you would have been able to secure such a policy any time during the past 16 years - the insurance company would certainly have insisted in having the drains up on the results of the earlier investigations.
You are where you are, and it is encouraging that your wife is still well enough to work. I was dx in 2000 and as far as employment goes was turned out into the big field long ago despite the best efforts of all the DMDs that were available to me and might have been available to your wife had she had a dx back then, so there you go. No one knows how these things are going to turn out. So please try not to spend too much time regretting things done or not done years ago (and this applies to your wife at least as much as you). None of that matters. The only thing that is important is now and helping each other to settle into a world where one thing has changed but the most important things - relationships in particular - remain the same.
Alison
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Perhaps you could do with some support yourself its seems your wife is in a good place and has accepted her illness and just getting on with it.
Critical illness is something which was sold many moons ago when we first took out mortgages. I had it on ours, BEFORE I got sick, which was a help, but with an endowment and some juggling i managed to pay off the mortgage regardless.
If your wife is coping ok I would just carry on as normal especially if you both work. If and when the time comes she may have to eventually leave work then you have back up with pensions you can cash in.
Has she complained about working to you or is it you just feel bad about her having too. I expect her working is what motivates her to keep going and I expect she enjoys her job.
Try not to worry too much, and like I said perhaps you could do with some support as i think sometimes its harder for the carer to come to terms with our MS, then the person dealing with it.
what a lovely person you are worrying about her, but i am sure she doesnt for one minute think its your fault there was no critical illness as both of you got the mortgage and once its running its very hard to get critical cover. Big hugs. x