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New job and stressed partner :(

This may appear to be a bit of a rant, sorry! I have just accepted a new job, this means I will probably loose my working from home days but it has a lot more opportunities and I believe my current company will be making redundancies in a few years. My husband does not appear happy though, he believes that it will all be too much for me even though I have been relapse free for the last two years now, my view is we only live once and I refuse to put a stop to the life I planned even if I have made a few adjustments. He refused to talk to me this evening and has gone out with his friend instead for a drink, his listed concerns before he left were who will be at home for our daughters when they return from school, I am leaving one healthcare plan and taking up a new one… How long will I have to wait for MS to be covered and what happens when they are told about my MS. I have three months notice in which to organise childcare cover, my MS has only caused me to be off work twice and I have not had any other time off sick in the last five years, plus the fact it cannot be used as discrimination. As for the comment about healthcare cover… My personal view is that I am lucky to have it in the first place. My view is he doesn’t want to commit being home earlier himself for our girls and expects me to stay when I am and that there is a slight bit of jealously that I will now be bringing home more money than him… How do I explain that MS is a disease but it doesn’t run my life, I do!

Hi,

I can’t really help on the relationship side of things - not my forte - but re the healthcare plan, I don’t think ANY healthcare plan will cover you for already-diagnosed MS, will it? Mine only covered me for investigations and consultations up to and including diagnosis. They don’t pay out for chronic conditions, so once diagnosed, I was bounced back to the good old NHS.

I’m very surprised if your existing plan covers it - does it? If it does, what are you entitled to that you couldn’t get free (or nearly free - price of a prescription) - on the NHS anyway?

Chronic conditions like MS are little catered-for in the private sector anyway, purely because most people’s insurance won’t cover it, so there’s no market. So for long-term management, you’ll be better with the NHS anyway - they’ve been doing more of it a lot longer than the likes of BUPA.

I really think the healthcare package is academic, once you’ve already been diagnosed with a chronic condition. Yes, presumably your existing one would cover investigation and possibly treatment of new and unrelated conditions, but so should your new one.

What happens when they are told about your MS? Well, I’m not sure whether Hubby means the new employers in general, or just their healthcare scheme. Either way, the answer is: “Nothing”. As you say, employers can’t discriminate against you because of it. And as for the healthcare scheme, they will probably say they won’t cover anything relating to your MS, or complications thereof, but anything else will be covered as normal.

You hint that you suspect MS is not the real or only issue, and in that, you’re probably right. However, although I’m not saying you should back down on your plans, you might want to tread carefully about how fervently you insist the MS “won’t be a problem”. The last thing you want is to have to listen to a load of: “I told you so!” if you are unlucky enough to have a relapse in the first few months at the job (even if it was coincidental).

All you can say to the: “All too much for you!” argument is that it may be so, but that’s a possibility in your current role, too. We never know how it’s going to go, so anything can become “all too much”, at any time. Then again, it might not.

Good luck in the new job! I’m sure Hubby will come to accept it - case of having to.

Tina

x

Hi It is a case of you won’t know until you start how it will affect you, that is the problem with this disease we don’t know what is round the corner equally something could happen if you stay put. Ifyou fee you can manage the new poposition go for it and it is great you have such a positive attitude and outlook. Maybe your hubby didn’ know how to talk to you about his worries that is why he has wwritten it down. Hopefully you will be able to talk it through later on or another day. Take care and good luck with the new position Barney

Thank you both for your helpful advice x I have spoken to my husband and it appears he is more concerned about the childcare cover aspect, at the moment I work from home on two days which means I am here if he is running late, this may not be an option going forward in this new job, the solution is for us to find a childminder! Just wish he would talk to me more.