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Never get an answer?

Morning..... dx last June, but been having emotional probs for about 2 yrs now.... how relationship has survived - just dont know..... I am convinced that before my diagnosis my hubby was with someone else, he doesnt go anywhere, other than work.... I have asked him, argued with him, accused him - you name it I've done it, why has he stayed, just dont know... friends say its because he loves you.  But I've got this niggling thought in my mind.. cant get rid of it. is it lack of trust, confidence, dont know... is it me.   He's very loving, always kisses me, tells me he loves me... so why have I got this doubt - is it my brain working overtime?? Dont know.  Some days I'm OK and do believe, yeah if he was with someone, he would have been long gone by now...  Why am I like this, is it just me, the MS, my insecurity... been for counselling - on my own - would I better on my own?? How would I cope on my own -- things are not gonna get easier for me, only harder.  Our 2 girls are growing up, is he there because of them, he says NO....  We moved home in Dec last yr... had removal van, family help.. anyway about 2 months ago found some paperwork, stuffed in base of bed... where did it come from... questionned him, he said what are you trying to get at... he said the removal van was stinking... someone must have picked something up and pushed it in one of the drawers - it was some finance work or something... it was a bit chaotic on the day... so maybe yeah, that did happen, I mean if someone was coming yer to be with him when I'm out - would they push their paperwork in our bed..... Any thoughts would be appreciated - even if its CHANGE YOUR WAYS, YOU'RE PUSHING HIM AWAY... x

Hi Pink, well you said it yourself and you know it's true... change your ways, you're pushing him away.

But I think you need to do something about where all these feelings are coming from. Not from him. He sounds like a good, loving husband. I'm going to ignore the paperwork business, because frankly Pink, it's ridiculous. Not worth bothering with.

I'm thinking that you must be depressed and your depression is showing itself with all this suspicion. It's like you are obsessing over this and have absolutely no grounds for it. But that is the nature of depression. We have thoughts that are not logical. Everything gets out of perpective and things that would seem nuts to someone else can seem very true and serious to the person with depression.

So what you need to do is treat the depression. Go and see your GP. Try taking antidepressants for a while. I'm sure you've read on here how successful they are.

Keep in mind that lots of people with MS become depressed. The double whammy... depression because we're coping with chronic illness AND depressed because there are lesions in our brains that muck about with our emotions.

Really Pink don't let this go any further. Go and see your GP.

Take care,

Pat x

God, there's a lot going on for you.  I think you are doing the right thing to get some counselling to help you sort out in your mind the various strands of things that are troubling you - that way you can at least get a clearer view of what you are dealing with here. Counselling is not a quick fix, though.  Once you have found a counsellor you are happy with, it is going to take time and work to get anywhere - that is my experience, anyway.  All I can suggest is, stick with it.  None of your worries are of the sort that will be solved by a sticking plaster and somebody saying, 'There, there.'  I think all you can do is grind your way through this, as you are doing, and keep getting as much help as you can with examining your own thoughts and feelings - and don't do anything hasty.  I hope you get to calmer waters soon.

Alison

x

Have you got any evidence at all that your husband has been unfaithful?

From reading your post i can't see any at all! paperwork in the bed?  It could be anything!  I could understand it if you had found a piece of underwear or something but paperwork!!!!!

Your insecurities will push your husband away if you are not careful and will damage your marriage.

I have been with my husband for 25 years (married 18) and i know my mood/emotions are awful sometimes.  I know i can be difficult to live with and so does he.  At these times we have learnt to give eachother space. 

You really cant go on accusing him of things you have no evidence of.  I dont know you or your hubby but i wish you the best of luck.

p.s. The ms society do a publication 'mood,depression and emotions (ms essentials 10)  which has some info which you might find useful.

Best wishes

Teresa. x

Thanx 4 ur replies.... dont know what I would do without this site.... sometimes I feel I'm losing the plot... there's no evidence, just my over imaganative mind....... taking amitriptyline and getting really bad nightmares, so think perhaps these tabs are not helping me, wake up in the morning and I feel as if I'm living the dream.... thanx again all, what you've said does make sense xx

Hi Pink, read your post and felt very concerned for you and your hubby. As others have said, these thoughts of your`s could ruin a good relationship.

Glad to see you`ve taken replies well and reslise something must be done to rid you of these irrational fears.

truly hope things improve...........and yeh, hang on to that good man.

I also am married to a man I rely on so much and feel terrified of losing him. Have to try to keep those thoughts in check.

luv Pollx

Hello again Pink

I think it would be a good idea to speak to your g.p or ms nurse about your medication.  Perhaps the amitriptyline is not suiting you and possibly you could try something else.  Just a thought.  I wish you well.

Teresa. x

 Oh Pink bless you!! IT is this horrible affliction we have messin up your mind! the drugs add to it & everything gets compounded. Your hubby sounds a lovely man & I know from experience we push away the 1s we love. I left mine, thank god he loved me enough to take me back! Dont let the MS alter the "real" you, it has a laugh with us anyway dont let it take you down!!! You do need to talk to your hubby you know, im sure he,ll surprise you! We forget their fears when we are wrapped up in our own. TALK missus!!! Hope you feel better soon & your not alone!!!!!!