Having been in limboland for a year and half I can understand how you feel. I was lucky in that I knew my MRI results showed non-specific lesions before my neuro review. Though I knew about MS I hadn’t given it any serious consideration at this point and was expecting the neuro to discharge me or tell me he didn’t know. I wasn’t on this forum at the time. My main concern was I had a lot of stiffness and pain and I was concerned about things getting worse and not being able to work.
Anyway the neuro said he couldn’t say it was MS but he couldn’t say it wasn’t and offered me an LP & EVP. It seemed to be put there more as a if a needed reassurance. I really wasn’t expecting this at the time and decided I wanted to go away and think- he booked for me to come back 3 months later and by this point I was really struggling with work because of all the issues I was trying to balance. The neuro was terrible and had terrible bedside manner and said he wasn’t going to do the other tests- which really put me off. Flash forward to May - by which point I’d had ?trigeminal neuralgia and the hug. I knew it wasn’t in my mind and it all certainly wasn’t just going to go away. The neuro again was pretty useless and I got no help.
At this point I decided I could sit and stress myself about what ifs and put up with a terrible neuro or do something. So I was doing yoga, got a referral to another neuro and tried to focus on what I could do rather than the things I might not eventually be able to do. There was no point worrying about what if -it might not ever happen. I learnt that by some of the amazing people on this very forum who have managed to carry on working or competing or having a social life inspite of their health. Of course there is some adjusting and there are some people that are owrse off than others but who knows whether I’ll be one of them or not.
I was seen by a general neuro who then referred me to an MS neuro who from all my info suspects MS and it’s a game of watch and wait now. Even though I have no answer I know I’m in the hands of a capable neuro, I can get help with my symptoms if need be and I’m fighting back for control by staying stress free, healthy and doing whatever fitness I can. I have a great man in my life who I’m going to marry and so much more to look forward to. Whether it is MS I end up having or not; I’ve learnt life is too short to be worrying. I’m enjoying the health I have now.
Don’t be worried about the negativity it is hard and a big shock if you’ve had good health uptil now. But you will get through this regardless of whether it’s MS or something else you have.