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need advice

Hi I am just after some advice on how I can help my mum she was diagnosed 10 years ago and has serious ly deteriorated since then she recently got the sack for being disabled!!! Took the company to court then a dogey solicitor took a pay off and left her with no case she’s worked all her life and has now had to claim benefits she gets no help and stuggles everyday my lil sister lives with her she’s 12 and mum feels like a burden on her and recenty tried to take her own life don’t no wot to do to help her I’m only 20 have a 1 n 2 year old and findin it rearly hard to support her

Hya and welcome to the forum…

Sorry you’ve had to wait for a reply hon… there’s some problems with the site right now.

Very hard situation you are in and it must be such a worry for you.

Firstly, your mother is obviously depressed. Depression is extremely common with MS… both because MS is so difficult to live with and also because the MS lesions in the brain muck about with emotions.

You need to get your mum to see the GP and get antidepressants. They really DO help… and loads of people take them to help with MS.

Secondly you need to see if there is any help social services can offer your mum. Look up the social services number in local phone book, or on your council website, or ask for it at the library. Speak to a social worker and explain the situation and tell them about the suicide attempt. They will then take it from there… but there’s all sorts of help they can offer… from putting some aids in the house to help your mum get around… to help to set up a care package so your mum can have carers coming in to help.

Also ask them about benefits. Your mum should be getting ESA (or she might be on the old benefit called Incapacity Benefit) and she should be getting a benefit called DLA… or the new name for that which is PIP.

If she is NOT getting these benefits, ask social services if a social worker can help her apply. If they cannot help with that, you need to contact your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB). Again the number will be in your local phone book, online, or ask at loca library.

So… it’s contact the GP and contact Social Services, and if necessary contact CAB.

Keep a note of appointments etc. I know it seems like work… which it is… but these are practical steps that can help your mum and then it will of course help you and your sister.

This site also has a helpline, the number is at bottom of page. It’s not just for people with MS, but also for people in your situation who are trying to help someone with MS and also the problems that it causes for you… both emotional and practical. Give them a call for a chat. It will help.

Come back here and ask more questions if you have them. I know none of the above will actually help your mother’s MS symptoms, but with antidepressants and getting practical help things will look a bit brighter for your mum and you and your sister.

No good looking back at that disgusting company who sacked her and rip-off solicitor. That’s in the past. Let it go. It’s time to move on.

Take care hon… you’re a great daughter! Your support is a huge help to your mum… but try and get all the above done as well.

Thinking of you,

Pat xx

Hi

Pat’s said it all already but I’m also sorry you had to wait for a response (I have been a proper emotional wreck the last few days, so I really do mean that).

Has your Mum got an MS nurse? I spoke to mine for the first time yesterday and she’s sending me leaflets for people that can help with some of the form filling I need to do - so if she has an MS nurse it might be worth calling them too.

It must be tough on you and your sister. Part of my emotional state was spotting that my ‘mutual friend’ with the MS society on facebook was my step-daughter, she’s only 21 and away at Uni (that started the tears) and I know she said that she’d read-up a bit on MS… it’s really tough knowing the impact we have on the people that love us :frowning:

Hope you do get some support and it makes life a bit easier for you all

Sonia x

Hi

Pat and Sonia have given you the best advice. All I can add is that anti depressants really do help. I was also very suicidal a few years ago and they have helped me get my quality of life back. There’s no shame in admitting you have depression now as there was previously.

I hope you manage with the suggestions above, and maybe letting go of the anger of her losing her job. I’ve also just had my career end and have to admit that it’s in my best interest, I can’t nurse any more. I admit I’ve shed a few tears but I’ll find something useful to do with hours that I can manage and maybe your mum can too once the depression has been treated.

Take care and please let us know how you get on. We’re all here if you need anything, someone will have good advice.

Cath x

Min Pat has speeled it out perfectly I hope your Mum is able to ccope with the upheaval MS is bad enough but getting some help in place will make life more aceptable, even something as simple as a stool to go by the sink makes all the difference and by going to social services they are trained in helping make your mums day to day living easier. Hope you can get some stuff in place for her and smile it dont half confuse the MS demons . XXX Don

Thanks for the advice rearlly helpful xx She is on anti depressents and has been for years now I’ve spoke to social services and they have arranged to come n see mum but the thing is she lies and makes out she’s ok she has to cum to my house to get a bath and she got stuck today and couldnt get out it took an hour before she finally let me help her witch was rear,y hard listening to her struggle while trying to watch 2 two year olds and 8 month old baby and with being 7 months pregnant just carnt do it any more really in tears writing this as I’ve really hurt my back lifting her she’s not very heavy n I could do it before but now it’s just getting all to much I no she doesn’t want a stranger to help her have a wash but I don’t seeno other option feel awfull because I really wat to help her

Hi again Maisysmum, when is the social worker coming to see your mum?

Hon you need tell her or him exactly what you have written above.

Tell them that your mum is NOT doing ok like she say. Tell them about her getting stuck in the bath and you having to help her out. They can only help if they know the facts, so you have to tell them the facts.

You could say that you want a word in private, or you could phone before the visit and tell them that you are worried because your mum doesn’t tell the whole truth (which is very common… it’s hard to admit we need help sometimes).

They are very used to that sort of situation and will completely understand.

Of course you don’t want a stranger helping her darling… but you have to be practical. You really do have enough on your hands and with the new baby you’ll have even more to do. And your sister is too young to be handling all of this.

Carers are generally lovely people and often become like friends. They are so used to washing people and helping with toilet stuff… that is their job and they are very skilled and relaxed about it all.

So go ahead and phone the social worker before the visit if you can. Honestly they will understand. It’s the sort of thing they deal with on a daily basis.

Good luck… and let us know how it goes.

Pat x

Hi, I’m with Pat. Tell the social worker the truth. Pat wasn’t joking when she said that they often get lied to by clients. My Grandma lied and when I told her social worker and district nurse didn’t even blink when I told them the truth, in fact they knew she wasn’t telling the truth but couldn’t do anything without being told how things really were.

I felt terrible going behind her back and making out she was a liar but they were so good encouraging her to accept the help she needed and making her believe she’d suggested it. It really helped her. It feels awful but my family and Grandma showed me that what I did was for the best.

You said your mum is already on anti depressants but the type or dosage may not be right any more. Please do what Pat suggested and speak to the social worker, your mum needs help but more importantly you do too.

Cath x

ditto you need to tell them and then they bcan make mums life better and your life because you are picking up the pieces