I need advise and it took me awhile to decide to register because it’s not about me. You see the love of my life who hasn’t been very well for the last two weeks has now opened up and told me she might have MS and she doesn’t want to be a burden to me and has decided it’s best to leave me.
I love this woman with all my being and I want to stay with her and support her, if it is MS it doesn’t change the way I feel about her. She’s going to be having tests and at the moment (understandably) her head is all over the place.
Ive decided to give her the space she needs, I just hope she knows I’m here for her.
Never mind guys, I think I’ve just completely messed things up. Understandably she doesn’t want to talk to me right now.
I’ve tried to be understanding I really have, it’s just she doesn’t communicate with me and to make matters worse I haven’t seen her for ages because well it’s gonna sound stupid she’s been cancelling plans on me before anything had started before she’d become unwell which again she never explained to me until Saturday when I had to ask her where I stand.
I’ve become an insecure mess so I’m not doing her any good right now.
If only she had told me what was going on sooner and understandably she can’t deal with dating at the moment until she knows for sure what’s going on and I’m just making things worse. I’m upset and hurt but it’s stupid that I’m the one hurting when she’s going through this. Am I being too emotional, an a*hole for thinking about myself and how I feel when she’s got live with this.
sorry guys, I love her and I care about her lots but I’ve lost her now.
Hi, I just wanted to say hang on in there, i don’t really have any other good advise but i feel for you. I hope things work out for you. She probably just needs to get her head around this. I can tell from your message that you really love her and want to support her. I’m sure you will get good advice from this forum.
Hi lil-freak (please don’t belittle yourself with this somewhat derogatory name?)
Just like Michelle I can only say “hang in there”. Perhaps keep in touch and by saying to her there are “no strings attached”, offering to support her with her hospital visits, etc. Be kind, calm and supportive. Say you are there for her. Give her time and space to come to terms with a possible diagnosis of MS.
Keep in touch with her. It may not be MS. There are many similar neurological conditions. Please try to tell her how you feel but remember that whatever happens you have tried your best. She may not be aware of the depth of your feelings you say you have. She may not be feeling the same towards you. So tread gently. At the end of the day it is her decisions that will send her on her own path with or without you I’m afraid. Please respect her decisions. Time passes and the heart mends.
MS is a cruel condition but is different for each of us in its course. We all develop our own strategies for coping and managing. I shall say no more.
Thank you for getting in touch, she knows how I feel I’ve told her that nothing will change how I feel. She also has told me that she loves me, it wasn’t the way I wanted her to tell me though but it was great that she did.
My user name is more of an FU to those who bullied me, it’s my badge of honour and not caring about the names I got called.
I’ve been on an emotional ride and unfortunately I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s a big heart. I just can’t believe what an idiot I’ve been, I work in healthcare and have cared for people with MS so it’s not like I don’t understand but for some strange reason it’s different maybe because it’s someone I love and I’m finding it difficult that she’s shut me out and I know she needs to deal with things and it’s difficult to keep a relationship going with so much on her mind.
if only I needed let my emotions rule me, and used my head more than my heart. Obviously I’ve not heard from her yet and my text the messed things up she had read wrong but still it was stupid. She needs space which I told myself that I’d give her but I saw something on social media and then my emotions defeated my cool, calm and logical mind.
Yes I love her and yes I care about her but maybe just maybe I do a little to much which is making it hard for me to walk away and give her some space. She even had some good news which she wanted to share with me if only I’d let her message me first. She’s finally been referred to a neurologist, sorry for going on and thank you for replying to my post.
I’ve gave her a little space after messing up and this morning I’ve just messaged her to try and let her know how I’m feeling, I’ll understand if she doesn’t want to hear from me again.
I feel guilty for feeling the way I do but most of my feelings were before she’d become unwell, before she’d told me about the possibility that she could have MS. I guess I just haven’t been able to let go of those feelings and now added on to those feelings are feelings of helplessness as I can’t do anything to help her it’s all just a big mess.
i want to support her and offer my friendship and only friendship until she knows what’s going on, I’ve told her this but I still act like we are in a relationship. Maybe it’s best that after whatever happens today if she messages me back that I just leave her alone as I’m not helping her.
Thank you Michelle and Anne, sometimes I think I’m to open and I show my emotions and express how I feel rather than hide them and this in its self can be to much for people.
My girlfriend already knows that she’s the opposite of me and she doesn’t let people in easily, I can now only take things as they come.
if I don’t hear back from her after messaging her this morning about everything then I guess I’ll not message her again and give her that space and I hope in time she’ll realise it’s only because I care about her and love her. I’ll always be there for her even if things don’t work out between us, it’s her that I fell in love with. Her personality, the sound of her voice, her soul, I see beyond just looks and I see her true beauty and to me everything about her is beautiful. I behold all of her beauty, with my eyes, my heart. Through her soul, her mind and her body, I behold all of her.
I’ve never felt this strongly about someone. I’m hoping for things to work out in time and I’ll wait, I’m nothing if not patient.
Just an update before I close my profile, she’s been in touch and I messed up big time breaking the space that I had meant to give her. Before hand she hadn’t actually asked for space but I could tell that she needed it but I just couldn’t do it well for a few days I’d managed.
she’s now asked for that space and it isn’t because she doesn’t care for me or have feelings for me but because she doesn’t want to burden me and wants me to meet someone else who can give me want I deserve but that’s not what I want, even now in crying while I type this.
I can’t make her chance her mind I know that and if she wants to fight this alone as she says then I’ll have to honour that. I don’t want anyone else, I’m not even planing on meeting anyone else.
I’ve told her if she really wants me to leave her then I will because I can’t make her chance her mind but it doesn’t mean I don’t love her or that I won’t be here for her.
Aaron, your message made me cry, you are a lovely person…for now she can’t see beyond the ms… but don’t give up , give her space, if its meant to happen it will do.
I haven’t deleted my profile yet and I have one more thing to ask, I know my previous posts have been filled with emotions but that’s because I care about her and love her so much.
I am giving her space but it’s killing me not talking to her, how much space should I give, how long should I wait to talk to her again or do I just wait for her to initiate contact and if so how long do I wait?
Friends of mine seem to think that I should move on as she’s asked and find someone better but my honest opinion is that there isn’t anyone better also these same friends think I should get out of there because she’s not well. I’m sorry people but I won’t give up on someone just because they are not well and could have MS.
Already someone I know wants me to meet her single friend but I don’t want that.
Love doesn’t switch off. If you truly love someone love lasts as long as it lasts sometimes a lifetime. Sometimes love can be overwhelming to the object of that love - sometimes crowding and almost suffocating. I hope that this is not too blunt. This can be a really difficult scenario to deal with for both people. I’m sorry but I don’t have all the answers you need. I doubt anyone has.
Please take time to come to terms with her asking you to distance yourself from her. I have found that texts can be easily misinterpreted so are not really the best way to talk about such sensitive issues as love. It sound as though you’ve not really not been able to give her space for a reasonable time. Perhaps you should. This does not mean that you search for someone else. Get out and about and spend time with friends. I’m not you and I’m not her so I can’t give the best of advice. I can only suggest what I think you should take heed of.
At the end of the day you need to really listen to her and actually step back for a while. This is what she has asked for several times. You have already said that you will give her that space. Perhaps you need to stick to that. Only your heart will tell you how long to wait before contacting her again.
You do express yourself very well. As you’ll be aware, clear communication is the key to all good relationships. This applies to individuals up to the superpowers of the world. Over the past few days some
of us have been very impressed with your maturity and level headedness. You know where we are if you need us.
Goodbye and good luck from all the Gang.
Hi all I would like to say thank you, it’s been a week since I had last been in contact with her and a week since I had last heard from her. She hasn’t been in contact with me at all in this week nor I with her.
She still occupies my mind, heart and soul. I have found it difficult as all I want to do is talk to her, see her and hold her in my arms. I shall leave it to her to contact me and I really hope she does as I do care about her and love her a great deal, I can’t wait forever for her though as much as I want to but I know there will be a point when enough is enough and I’d have to think about me and move on (not that I want this to happen).
I really hope that she knows how much she means to me and that the last time that I had messaged her wasn’t because I didn’t believe her or think she was up to something but it was because I care about her and love her and that not seeing her for all this time has really deflated me and I was frustrated that she didn’t want to see me.
I know right now she has a lot on her mind and that she thinks that I could do better than her and she wants me to meet someone else (she’s told me this the last time we spoke). I’ll wait for as long as I can but even I don’t have everlasting patients, I don’t know what has happened about her tests or anything else as she hasn’t been in touch.
I’m going to distance myself and give her space and in time I hope she finds me again, this doesn’t mean that I don’t care about her or have stopped loving her it’s because I do care about her and love her that I have to do this. I can’t keep squeezing her as she’ll only keep getting further away.
I hope the weeks don’t keep rolling on without her.
This will be my last message here and I’m sorry about all my previous messages.
It has been over two weeks since I have last heard from her and I’ve decided that I can’t keep waiting for her to decide that she wants to be with me or want my help.
I still don’t know what’s going on with her tests or anything so I’ve just messaged her and I’ve tried to explain myself the best that I can. I told her that I’ll be here for her as a friend but that’s all, I can’t stay in limbo wondering what’s going on. I need time for myself, I just need to be alone right now and concentrate on work and college.
She will always been on my mind but I just can’t wait for her anymore. I will still be there for her but after all of this and the hurt that she’s put me through I don’t know if I can be more to her but a friend. It’s just I talk about my feelings where as she doesn’t, I communicate about my problems but again she doesn’t.
My feelings haven’t changed for her but I’m hurt about all of this, why she couldn’t tell me before and keep cancelling dates with stupid excuses. I had become insecure that she no longer wanted to be with me which was kinda right as she has asked me to leave and find someone better. She could have just told me and I would have understood, sorry again for going on. This will be my last post now as it looks like I won’t be needing help from this site now.
If she can’t/won’t make a decision you have two options, either carry on sitting on the fence or you will have to decide that you have no future together.
You need to take control; but I can’t help you make that decision.