I was diagnosed in one day. I didn’t have time to worry as my husband was in a state of shock. I think that I thought ‘what if’ for about 20 seconds and then got on with supporting him.
A month later and I was very, very ill and he and a friend supported me, cooking, helping with remembering to empty my numb bladder.
2 months later, you’d never have guessed that I have MS. Same now.
I was supported with kindness and dignity and asked what I wanted. However, everyone deals with MS their own way and in some cases, it means focussing on themselves and not having to worry about others’ feelings.
It’s a really crappy disease. We get depressed and panicky and have to take a mountain of drugs. Give your friend space to get it into his/her head that they can cope.
I was a bit surprised to see how this thread turned out. Just wondering how everyone is following Xmas and the New Year?
jm feeling a lo better than this time last year. Me and my friend are in a good place, I think. He was very unwell just before xmas and had to take a week off work. He’d been doing drugs the weekend before and I kind of showed him I was frustrated with him. I told him I didn’t understand why he was taking stuff that affects you neurologically when he has a neurological condition, but he said the doctors told him it doesn’t really affect the MS and he said the nerves/immune system is damaged already. A lot of people have said hes in self destruct mode but he just can’t see it. It’s been just over two years since he was diagnosed and he ran away from it last year; maybe he needs more time to accept it especially now he knows it’s progressive? I don’t mean to sound patronising to anyone going through the same thing.
he sent me a nice message on new year saying he appreciated me, and hoped we could be as close and have each others backs again, he thanked me for always being there when he needed to talk. I thought we were in a good place but I found it today he met a girl during the week and took her number. It’s not going anywhere but it made me feel a bit odd as he doesn’t want a relationship and things were sort of starting up with us again. It’s not like were together. Basically, I’m asking do you get it if someone with MS decided to date but not have a relationship? Maybe that’s what I’m trying to say, I’m not quite sure!
Just putting it out there and I apologise if it has been said before but is there any possibility that the relationship ended due to the actual people involved not a disease?
I know if I wanted to end my marriage, I would be doing it because of us not the MS. Yes, I do at times get anxious a bit irrational, down etc. but intermingled with that is a, being a woman and all that entails and b, a human being who is capable of making decisions when they need making. My first husband left me because of my health before I knew what was wrong, my second husband is a keeper and I am very lucky. What I will say is that yes he isn’t running away but that does not mean that I would stay because of that if the relationship failed.
People with a disease should not be perceived as having to stay with someone supportive. I personally like to think that we are capable of making our own happiness regardless of relationship status.
You have unfortunately based your future happiness on rescuing someone who doesn’t want or need rescuing at the moment. I really hope you can find happiness within yourself to accept this.
MS isn’t exclusive on this issue but if you spent more time on the carers page, you would see that and realise you are not alone.
And yes Anon??? MS is ‘ALL ABOUT US’. We also all know how it affects our nearest & dearest & the problems caused. I’m sure that everyone here, with MS, is very capable of expressing their views, even if they don’t match yours!
By all means continue waving your banner on the Carers page, but please stop berating people here that don’t share your opinions. As somebody has already said (please) go away.
I won’t be ‘arguing’ with Anon?? anymore, whoever you are, it’s pointless.
Ok, maybe I got the wrong forum, but i was just wondering how the OP and similar were doing? No, I wasn’t here to argue. No, I wasn’t here to say it’s worse for us, because it isn’t. I was just here to listen to what both sides have to say and to listen to various experiences.
Rosina, I am not here to berate. Wow, that’s the last thing I’m doing. Read what I’ve said above; you’ll see why I decided to start up this forum again. It’s not that I’m feeling frustrated because of my friends MS. And yes Sam, you’re right; maybe it is down to the person. I’m not trying to rescue or save anyone, I know you can only help yourself (ive had enough for that to ring true). No way do I think people with MS aren’t in the right frame of mind for thinking about relationships. Everyone has their reasons. All I’m sharing is my experience, and my worry for a friend I suppose.
anyway, I’ll move on to the carers forum, but I just wanted to make it clear I wasn’t here to moan or argue. I just simply wanted to see how people were doing.