Forum

Moving help and advise badly needed

Hi,

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here but hope everyone is doing okay.

I have to move out of where I’m currently living shortly. I own a flat over the other side of the city where I’m planning to move back to. However, due to my various disabilities and some other issues (explained below), I have absolutely no idea how I’m actually going to move all my things. The problems are that firstly, as well as the MS which makes me massively tired within a very small time frame, thus I’ve no idea how I’m gonna pack all my things (and there’s lots). Then secondly, my things are spread over 2 locations as I’m in student accommodation at the moment so a lot / most of it is at my dads. Then thirdly, my dad is moving also, but supposedly 2 weeks before me. His place is 10 times worse than a bomb site, and even if I could find people to help me move, they’d be absolutely forbidded from entered his old place to help me get my stuff. Then there’s the fact that I don’t drive due to my epilepsy, and removal company’s / man with vans are too expences. And lastly, I’m gonna need help reassembled eveything / shifting furniture around, which you don’t get with a man with van thing. Also, there’s every chance that by the time I come to move, my dad will be gone - so not help there. Add into the fact that my dads place is an utter nightmare - it’s a complete death trap. I can’t even get to half of my things for all the stuff that’s piled ontop of them, which because of the MS I can’t really move on my own. I also have bad depression, which makes everything even harder, and have epilepsy which is why I can’t drive.

So, please does anyone have any suggestions as to how I make this move, since at the moment I really am stuck.

Thanks,

Forest xx

hi forest

wow that is some tricky problem!

are you sure that you want to take everything from your dads place?

might be a good time to let some things go.

so your first job is to make a list of must take/might take/don’t take.

maybe your uni could help organise some volunteers to help with the actual move.

or another voluntary organisation?

or try your local ms society group.

good luck and i hope you’ll settle in well.

at least you wont be in the death trap that is your dads place.

carole x

Hi Carole,

Thanks for the response. No, I’m not at all sure that I want to take all the stuff from my dads house. But the problems there are 2 fold.

Firstly having the energy levels to sort/go through everything. I don’t even know half of what I have there - most of my things are boxed up somewhere and spread out over the entire house (a town house to boot) ever since they chucked all my stuff into storage a few years back (basically I did a kindness and loaned my flat to my parents, which backfired on me with them making me homeless for 6 months during which time my parents and my sister packed up all my things and put them in storage. I was supposed to be sharing my parents place with my sisters family, but my sister wasn’t ready to move so my dad locked it all up). It’s only just come out now because my dad can’t afford to pay for the storage unit and he’s moving despite my asking numerous times previously. But when asked where he’s put it all, he says he’s no idea and I’ll just have to look. Also, not everything went, but I don’t know what happened to that stuff and where it was put.

Secondly, it’s back to the problem of getting to anything. There’s so much crap piled ontop of other crap (it’s just indescribable) that I couldn’t get to my stuff to search through (I don’t have the strength or energy levels to shift these things). I also work full time, and have 2 additional part time jobs just to make ends meet, and go to regular counselling, so my time is extremely limited. I don’t know, I really don’t.

I know what he’s (my dad) expecting to happen. He wants me to beg/plead with him (this is a constant thing - if I want / need anything, he really makes me work for it and will often constantly tell me no with ‘reasons’ to start, but then his ‘reasons’ will diserpate. He’ll then claim he never said no, and though I’ll still have to beg will suddenly say yes (this is usually the 12th hour like the night before). Then he drums in to me just how inconvinent and how much hard work and effort it’s all been for him, and how lazy and pathetic I am. So I don’t want to have to do that.

Forest x

hi again forest

your family have really used emotional blackmail on you.

have you seen that tv program about super hoarders?

it turns out they have mental health problems.

you could try ringing the programme and, if successful, a psychologist and a team of cleaners will descend on dads house and give it a good sorting.

i still think you need outside help.

again, try the ms society.

just imagining your situation has made me feel fatigued!

it cannot be doing your health any good.

take care honey

carole x

the number for the ms society helpline could be a good place to start

0808 800 8000

carole x

Hello Forest

Is it possible that you could just turn your back on what’s at your dad’s place and walk away.

When my daughter got divorced a few years ago, she paid quite a bit of money each month to put things she felt she needed into storage. Eventually, she ended up getting rid of everything.

Who is helping your dad to move? if you just keep out of it for now, he will have to do something with your things won’t he?

I hope you manage to get some help.

Good luck!

Noreen x

Read your post, Forest, and found it so mind boggling. No wonder you are feeling so stressed. We all fill our lives with so much ‘STUFF’ - we all do it - and it is not necessary. Anything that has been boxed/stored away for more then 6months -ask yourself - ‘do you really need it’?

Now is a chance for you to clear your mind and lifestyle/home of all the stuff.

l have such a lot of clothes - l forget what l have - and it doesn’t end there. l keep buying ‘bargains’ - but of course they are only bargains if l really needed them.

Just bag up all the current clothes/possessions that you use regularly. Then you only need a good bed/bed linen/ a few good towels

TV/Cooker/washing machine. Comfy sofa and chair -

A man with a van - could cope well with this. And there are charities that will help - The Salvation Army is one. They actually will supply you with some decent appliances and furniture. And may well be prepared to help move you.

lf not - have a friend or a friend of a friend who can drive - perhaps hire a van for the day and get yourself moved.

You say you are in student accomadation - have you asked the ‘college’ for advice/help.

Worrying is not getting anything solved - its just draining your energies. Think positive - and look forward to a clutter free life.

Hi,

Thanks for the suggestions. When I said student accommodation, I meant that I am in a student share house - I am no longer a student (due to the MS last year), so the uni can’t help. I agree with you all that by in large I should just walk away from what’s in there. But there are some important things that have to be found like all my exam certificates that seem to have gone walk about, and my mortgage and property documents etc… Also, my piano is there which I definately want (couldn’t take it to uni with me!!) and a couple of things like that. So it comes back to being able to get to anything and find anything in his sodding death trap (and being up to doing so, not to mention having the time). As said, I can’t afford a man in a van - I can bearly make ends meet. And I have very few close friends - most were uni friends which have drifted away now I’m no longer there. The one friend that I’m still close to is also moving away, the week before / 2 weeks before I’m due to move!! She did (really very kindly) say that she’s come back if she could for that weekend, but she didn’t know her plans yet (and she’s moving 400 miles, so that’d be one hell of a trip!!).

On the positive side, I rang my sister and kinda told her flat that someone had to give me some help, and for once I must of gotten her in a good mood since she said she would do. So that at least sorts the smaller things out, and anything that I have where I’m living now. She has a key to my dads, so it may be that we’ll wait to he’s gone and sort through things at his then. She said we just wouldn’t tell him (he’ll do the ‘I’m locking the place up’ thing again, so anything that hasn’t been moved now, it’s just tough). He’s basically said he’ll just throw my stuff if I don’t shift it (said this about my sister’s stuff too, she has some things left there), that it’s not his problem.

But apart from the big things like my piano (not an essential item), it may work out if she comes through, though she’s as busy and broke as me. I already have my white goods at the place I’m going to (fridgefreezer, washerdryer, cooker etc…) so don’t need to bring any of them. But I will need a sofa (will have to buy), and my bed is at my dads (although I’m thinking of getting new).

Noreen - As for how he’s moving his things 400 miles (yes he’s moving some distance away - happy days :slight_smile: - had a friend buy the place for him in the end! Yes it’s as crazy as it sounds.), I’ve got no blooming idea and care even less (though for the amusement factor, I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds - he has a major problem with responsibility and therefore with doing anything for himself). It’s what makes me think he’ll still be here, because he’s not even started packing, plus the state of the place, and the fact that he’s not even thought about how he’s going to get anything up there. What’s crazier, and extremely sad, is that I’m scared he’s going to throw out important things that belonged to my mum (who died 3 years ago) as he doesn’t look or think what he’s doing. He threw out her rings (including her wedding ring) by mistake just after she died because of that. And my sister’s taken a load of really special stuff of my mum’s for safe keeping that he didn’t even know existed!!! He’s a nutter.

Carole - you made me laugh!! Super hoarders, nope never heard of it. But I reckon that by the time my dad + family in general had finished with the Psychologist, they’d be needing one themselves!!! And yes, it’s emotional blackmail. But they’re family, and it’s hard to walk away from them.

SJ - thanks for the info re the Salvation Army. I may see if they can help with stuff from my dads place to mine (the bigger things). At least I may have a bit more time to move those bits now.

Take Care all,

Forest x

Just want to send you some good luckwishes, you are between a rock and a hard place but I hope you can find some help hon.

Surely if you got in touch with the college they would put up a notice asking if anyone can help an ex student ?

You don,t get if you don,t ask hon…I am my own worst enemy with that one because of embaresment but if you ring round I bet there are folk who will come through for you.

Do you have a local voluteer bureau ? If you do ring and ask if they have any ideas to help you.

Good Luck

Ell