Male / female differences :)

Everyday living
1

How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the ‘woo-woo’ sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohican

Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the ‘woo-woo’ sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

I KNOW YOU’RE LAUGHING BECAUSE IT’S TRUE!!!

3 Likes
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Jelly you have put tears in my eyes that is funny

respect sheep

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oh so true, indeed, thanks for the post… but you forgot mention that men leave their scary, dirty socks practically wandering around the bedroom on their own. the least they could do is put the things away from our poor noses.

wendy x

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briliant-so funny and so true especially the ‘woo woo’ bit,

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I only recently found out from my mum that in over 40 years of marriage, my dad NEVER changed his underpants every day! Only every second day.

I think I was almost more shocked than if she’d said he’d been having an affair the whole time! My mum is so particular - how could she have ended up marrying someone who didn’t change his underwear every day? I bet she didn’t know that before she’d got the ring on.

And my dad? WHY would anyone who is neither too poor to buy pants, nor has to do the washing themselves by hand, stint on such a basic thing as clean underwear? I can only think that being a child during the war years, he was taught that certain sacrifices had to be made, and one couldn’t expect clean underwear every day. I’m sure my nanna didn’t have any kind of washing machine, and I don’t think they actually had hot water, so to bath or do washing they had to boil up kettles. That would certainly explain why she would expect clothes to be worn as long as possible before going in the wash, as it would be impossible to cope with otherwise. But the strange thing was that Dad never grew out of it, even once he had hot water, a washing machine, and no theoretical limit on how many pairs of pants he could afford!

Isn’t it amazing you can still learn things about your parents that shock you, even five years after they’re gone? I’ve no idea whether he was the exception, or whether it’s the norm with blokes, not to bother about clean underwear. I’d find it a horrid start to the day, if I realised I’d run out of knickers, and was forced to put on yesterday’s dirty ones. In fact, I think I’d do an express wash immediately, and try to get them dry with the hairdryer, rather than resort to that.

Tina

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I woke my husband up laughing about this, it sounded like him!! brillant thankyou for that xx.

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Yeah it’s very true though me and my ex seem to have some of the parts muddled up. Tina def an older generAtion thing my granda drives my grandma mad claiming you should only shower every second day. I couldn’t imagine wearing my underwear for 2 days so much so it got me into trouble. Many years ago I was temping at a company after graduating really wanted to make a good impression. I decided to crash at my mates house and forgot to pack clean underwear. Rather than wear 2 days running thought I just wouldn’t bother wearing. No one will ever know. Everything going perfect until my suit trousers decided to split from back to front. Wrapping my jacket setting off to get a needle and thread put my trousers back together I ain’t now dressmaker. Knew they wouldn’t hold long so told my line manager and was like I’ll need to pop out for trousers. Sat did some work she’s like you’ll have to go and ask the director if u can go out. But the b**** had alreDy informed him of the situation. And had to ask if I could go he wAs like but you’ve sewed them why would you need to go knowing fine well why. So blushing furiously told him , it didn’t help he was extremely hot. Became a standing joke frequently getting asked if I’d forgotten anything. I now remember to pack clean underwear lol. X

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Too true JelybellyKelly, thought it was only my bloke that did the anoying woo woo bit! Anitra, was also socks with my dad who was 81,habits are hard for the old dears to grow out of, never smelt though so must be us with the over clean bit!

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OMG JBK. I am in hysterics. That is so funny and so true!!

Shazzie xx

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Hey Jellybean. Can I share this. It is so funny. :slight_smile:

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Woo-woo!

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Have at it Sir

JBK xx

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Did you write this yourself? Really good. :slight_smile:

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Its 2 yr old is the post,still funny though, i love it,so very true.

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Well - you know - it was just a few lines I put down in a hurry

Course not hun - I nicked it from some-one else.

JBK xx

1 Like