The letter came yesterday from my employer to confirm that I was being dismissed through sickness capability. I was expecting it as I have been going through the process since May last year, when I had to give in to the deterioration in my walking, pain, fatigue & cognitive problems which I’m still experiencing, and which are not improving at the moment (I live in hope)! I had quite a responsible job which in turn brought it stresses. Despite knowing it was inevitable, it was still horrible seeing it in black & white and the realisation that I’m no longer employed, which I’ve been for 30 years, and will be relying on benefits (unfortunately, due to circumstances I wasn’t in a pension scheme, my husband was self-employed, but is now my carer) - am waiting the verdict of my ESA claim. I can’t explain how I feel at the moment, but for all those of you that have been or going through a similar experience, does it get easier to accept both emotionally & financially?
That’s really tough for you and I am very sorry. It’s difficult enough emotionally, let alone the financial impact, and you and your husband clearly have an awful lot to deal with here.
Does it get easier emotionally? Yes, I would say, from my own experience. In my case it really was a relief in the end, because work was going so badly in all sorts of ways it was doing no good to anyone, especially me. So the break had to happen to allow me to regroup and start a new way of living. I hope that, when the dust has settled, you find the same.
And I very much hope that you get the finances sorted out. A bit of stability and calm in that area will, I’m sure, help you get over the upheaval and turn your attention to the future and to new and fulfilling things ways to live and things to do.
I had to stop work aged 45 but the MS was such a problem that it was a few months before I could think of a life as a disabled person. My father lost his leg aged 6 and never gave in, always thinking of others first. We lost him due to heart failure and he never knew of my problems but his legacy was that of a good role model. I am not a saint, far from it but having being brought up to get on with it certainly helps now.
Making goals and targets is invaluable and I notice you have some hobbies so you could view this as an opportunity to develop these and have a more relaxing life. I exhibit fibre art and although it takes a long time to make it is satisfying. It is harder on my husband who like yours has had to give up a lot to care for me.
Ten weeks into a new job I was struck by several relapses (2001) and ended up on longterm sick leave, although I expected the letter it was still a jolt to find myself out of work. I also discovered that I had my first relapse in 1979 and could have been diagnosed several times but it was not until 2001 when I had the usual tests that MS was confirmed.
Over the years I had been a competitive swimmer, loved fell walking and cycling so always had an excuse for funny sensations and fatigue. Getting used to not walking up a mountain was the hardest thing for me to cope with. It will be different for everyone and we all have to find our own coping methods but you are lucky as you have a suportive husband, treasure him and try to look outwards not inwards.
I was a teacher but took ill health retirement quite a few years ago. Although it was a tremendous relief in one way, in another I felt that I had lost my identity.
I had no answer to the question “and what do you do?”
For 20 odd years I could chat to people about my work. (I have an answer to the question now BTW , I’m a professional complainer. I complain to the local council about graffiti, lack of dropped kerbs etc etc)
For the first couple of years I could tell you exactly when it was playtime without looking at my watch – these days I don’t even know when it’s a Saturday!! Once I had got used to the reduced financial circumstances (not easy) I began to relish the fact that I could snooze when I wanted to and that life wasn’t one big struggle.
Give yourself some time to settle into your new life – find some things that you enjoy and welcome to the good life.
It is painful to feel that it’s the end of a working life but hope you are able to overcome some of the MS symptoms by not having the stress that a responsible job brings. You will be in control of when you do things and when you need to rest. I hope it is not the end but the beginning of a more relaxing life.
