Is it time to stop caring?

I care for my wife who has had MS for over 20 years. She now has secondary progressive and is a full time wheelchair user.

i can handle the physical disability side of things although that is becoming more and more difficult but it’s the mental side that’s getting to me big time. 90% of the time she doesn’t know who I am or where she is. She becomes verbally aggressive- I’ve lost count of how many times she’s called me a c**t - a word she never use before- she’s constantly shouting about the slightest little things

I find I’m caring less and less for the person I love and married and more for a complete stranger- is it time for me to call it a day??

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That is so sad. Cognitive changes are terrible and it sounds like your wife has utterly altered.

Do you have options open to you? Such as a home where she could be cared for? Is there sufficient funding? Or will the NHS Continuing Care budget fund a home?

Have you talked to Social Services about care? Perhaps you already have a care package from them?

I can’t imagine wanting to put my husband through that misery. And yet it sounds as though your life has become miserable.

Do you have family? And can they / do they help out?

You have my sympathy. Please don’t feel guilty for your feelings.


Yeah she has a care package - 2 carers once a day to get her up showered and dressed plus a PA two days a week and a whole 2 weeks respite a year

​not sure on what funding would be available for residential care or whether it is possible to put her in against her will


this is such a sad but i suspect common situation.

i can add nothing to what sue has said and agree-dont feel guilt on top on of all else that u are trying to deal with.


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You should hand over her care before you start hating her. That won’t do either of you any good.