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I'm feeling sorry for myself

Hi, I’m just feeling fed up today. Finding life too hard. I can do most things still, but it is a struggle. I’ve surrendered my driving license and I just remember how excited I was when I passed my test as a teenager. I live a mile away from work which I can walk very slowly. There is no public transport and despite my doctor thinking £6 for a taxi is very good value , £12 a day out of my minimum wage is not doable. I had to send my daughter to look at a university by herself by bus and train cos at £20 each on fares was too much out of my income and too long a day. She had to leave the house at 6.30 to get there for 9.30. This is a journey that in a car is 40 minutes. I struggle with pain in my hands and arms and as my walking is deteriorating I don’t know what to do. I sometimes use a stick but I find it hard to hold as my hands are in pain. Today life feels bleak. It’s hard to feel positive when you can’t even wipe your bum properly

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Can you go and sit in the sun for a bit, Tonka? A bit of serotonin is free at least.

I wish I could wave a wand and make it all better, I feel pretty much exactly like you do. My problems are different, but the mental affect they have is the same and it’s the pits. I’d come and sit with you in the sun if I could!

I’ve really got nothing helpful to say, just didn’t want this to sink without a response.

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It’s crap having MS. And some days I think we all deserve a good moan about it.

Tonka, you’re doing really well, bringing up a child who’s getting a good education, still managing to work, keeping on going through this bloody illness. And a doctor who doesn’t understand that £12 is a hell of a lot out of your pay is an idiot.

Take the opportunity of this forum to have a really good shout about how shitty life can be sometimes. We get it. I sympathise and want you to know that it’s OK to complain.

By the way, you might find a crutch is easier to keep hold of than a stick if you have crappy hands. Your OT if you have one could sort one out for you, or ask your MS nurse (assuming you have one of those).

Sue

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Thanks for the replies. A sit in the sun sounds ideal. Unfortunately I have no ms nurse but I’ll have to work something out.

I remember when i had to give driving up, i lost my independence twice, i learnt to drive as i was having trouble walking more than a few yards,i was so chuffed with myself when i passed my test at the age of 38,but a few years ago i was finding i wasnt really safe to drive anymore,so i decided to stop, it was so hard for me to make the decision to stop,but it was for the best.

I got used to it in the end though, you just have to, dont you ? but it bloody well stinks it really does.we have every right to moan at times.

J x

meant to add, i dont know how you feel about it, but a mobility scooter could help get you from A to B.i have got one but i am in my late 50s now and not as proud as i one was when i was younger i wouldnt have dared use one lol.

J x

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To anyone that ever suggests to me, that an expense is not too much to afford, i hold out my hand and ask them to pay it. “No? Well then shut the hell up!”

You have every right to feel down; the extent and duration is entirely up to you. But when i have moments of self-pity, i try to maintain an awareness that such should only go on for so long; i am pragmatically blessed.

Fact is, despite your own set of challenges, you still have it better than many, many other people.

You have hit a few of life’s little milestones… the loss of a driving license and thus a degree of independence and freedom is a tough thing to contend with. Combine that with the thoughts of your precious off spring heading off onto their next stage in life, whilst there is no sunshine to be enjoyed… yeah, existence is currently little more than a fat steaming pile of… well you know.

Ultimately, you will get through this current and very temporary set of adverse circumstances. Summer is coming. University graduation will one day arrive and by that time, you will have adapted in your situation to realise a method of getting from A to B, even if your insensitive, git of a doctor has to be invoiced for your taxi fares to do it!

Stay chipper, good luck, things will take a turn for the better.

Incidentally, I remember Tonkas as being indestructible.

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[quote=“Paolo Smythe”]

To anyone that ever suggests to me, that an expense is not too much to afford, i hold out my hand and ask them to pay it. “No? Well then shut the hell up!” devil

You have every right to feel down; the extent and duration is entirely up to you. But when i have moments of self-pity, i try to maintain an awareness that such should only go on for so long; i am pragmatically blessed.

Fact is, despite your own set of challenges, you still have it better than many, many other people.

You have hit a few of life’s little milestones… the loss of a driving license and thus a degree of independence and freedom is a tough thing to contend with. Combine that with the thoughts of your precious off spring heading off onto their next stage in life, whilst there is no sunshine to be enjoyed… yeah, existence is currently little more than a fat steaming pile of… well you know.

Ultimately, you will get through this current and very temporary set of adverse circumstances. Summer is coming. University graduation will one day arrive and by that time, you will have adapted in your situation to realise a method of getting from A to B, even if your insensitive, git of a doctor has to be invoiced for your taxi fares to do it!

Stay chipper, good luck, things will take a turn for the better.

Incidentally, I remember Tonkas as being indestructible. smiley

[/quote] MR/Mrs Paolo Smythe, probbaly paul!! but you never fail to put a smile on my face! with your seemingly aloof carefree & brutally honest reply"

tizz 4 sure my dear M/S iz sh4t,& sh$t duzeth stink & tomorrow, we gonna do it all again!

but like Paolo recalls & me TONKAS r indestructible, they rock dude,wink

julien, take it easyyes, don’t ya js luv these smilleys

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couldnae have put it better meself!

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Hi Tonka,

seems OK to me th at you are feeling sorry for yourself,not an unreasonable reaction to loss and more crappy circumstances. Letting off steam here is good because you know the readers have a pretty good understanding of how you are feeling.

If I am in danger of disappearing up my own (excuse the expression) exhaust pipe I sometimes resort to thinking about those who would give their right arm to be in my position. Sometimes this just makes me feel guilty and therefore more miserable at which point I have to resort to memories of past times / places / events or failing that my vivid imagination to take me to a place where I can smile again.

Good luck to you and your family.

all the best Mick

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… On a practical level have you thought about a rollator - walker? Once you get past the mental barrier of not wanting to use something like this they can be great. When I miscalculate my available energy I can put the brakes on and sit down wherever I might be. Try to get a medical professional on your side, someone who can help you to fight your corner.

Hi

I am a time served mechanic, used to be part of a team that ran a vehicle workshop.

Worked for a local council, for 28yrs, so the fleet was vast and vaired fleet of plant, vans and HGVs, all of which I drove.

My driving license has been nibbled away at as my MS progressed.

After a bad UTI which put me in hospital for a couple of days I can no longer drive, so I know how you feel and must simpathise with youI had a car license for over 40yrs and a HGV for over 35yrs.

Unfortunatly now they are gone but life gose on.

My wife decided to learn to drive ( after years of me telling her she needed to ) and she did at 56.

So now she ferries me about in a WAV vehicle.

After seeing the ignorance and selfishness of a lot of todays drivers your better off without one.

Can you get a powered wheelchair or scooter.

Please try and look at the bright side of things, they are there if you look.

As for wiping your own bum and being positive, I know about that too.

Ronin.

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hi tonka

to add to the points above, you are perfectly entitled to have a moan or an episode of self pity every now and again- you/we have been dealt a crap hand in the health department and sometimes we should allow ourselves to be pissed off every once in a while.

we’ve all been there, and when focussing on the negatives it is easy to forget the positive things in life- a clear one is that you have raised an intelligent, independent girl and should feel immensely proud of yourself. As a former teacher i have seen many students who are a similar age to your daughter who couldn’t find their arse with both hands, let alone take any responsibility for their own education. I am sure your daughter is proud of her strong and capable mum.

Hope you start to pick up soon, best wishes, fluffyollie xx

Good on your wife for learning to drive, nice one

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Hi T, so how are you feeling now hun?

You had some helpful and understanding replies to digest.

Now what about that scooter then? I used to have one and it was fab. That was before me old legs gave up completely. A leccy wheelie is now my choice of jalopy.

luv Polxx