I want my mum back :(

hi there,

im wondering if anyone else feels like they’ve already lost the person who they care for?

5 years ago my mum was 49, full of life and energy. She had basically raised my son with me while I was a single mum, being an only child myself we were and still are really close.

Fast forward 5 years after brain surgery for trigeminal neuralgia and an ms diagnosis soon after, and things have gone downhill rapidly, my mum is now trying to retire from the job she loves, she can no longer go out even just food shopping As it’s too exhausting and her struggles with mobility have got ridiculous.

On Tuesday her neurologist told her it’s now secondary progressive which deep down we already knew. By Wednesday evening she had fallen at home & we had to call an ambulance.

she lives alone, I worry about her constantly and there’s really only me to worry about her.

i feel like I’ve lost the mum I once had, we can’t do anything together anymore and I’m so scared for what the future will bring.

has anyone else felt like this?

My husband is amazing & so supportive but all anyone ever says is “it will be ok”. But it won’t be ok, it’s not ok & it’s so so unfair

Hi Claire, A lot of us get to a point where the person who looked after us for so many years starts to need our help. Your Mum brought you and your son up all by herself. Now it’s your turn to look after her. You haven’t lost the Mum you had, it’s just that the position between you and your Mum are going into reverse. You still have a future together as mother and daughter, it’s just not the future that you imagined it might be. I know it is hard but you will have this Forum to give you any advice, encouragement and support you need. For example; have you contacted your local authority abut providing care for your Mum? There is a lot of help available. Best wishes, Anthony


I have had to learn to let go of making memories with my mum and cherish the conversations instead. I have gotton to know my mum better since she became bed bound 8 years ago, but I totally agree…I want my mum back too. It’s absolutely heart breaking bit all we can do now is try to make them proud. Sending love.

MY heart goes out to you all’ Six weeks ago I lost my mum. I saw her every day and the pain I now carry wont go away. I want her back but know I cant. I cherish all the times we had together. I se my mum every day when I look at myself in the mirror. I smile at myself. Cherish every day. That is why I am up and not in bed. I miss her so much. I send my love to all of you, Janexxxxxx

So sorry to hear you have lost your Mum Jane.