I hate Xmas, all year we wait for someone to call and have a chat, but at Xmas you don’t see anyone. As this disease marches on through my body year by year, l can’t help but notice but most my family/friends and even aquntansas’ appear to have marched the other way. I know life moves on and everyone lives a faster and more busy life, but mine hasn’t it’s slower and less busy. I’m not a sad self pitying person, usually I’m a glass half full person. But this Xmas I have never felt so lonely and empty. One phone call today, asking if they could come around early tomorrow morning to see me, while they on their way to visit someone. I can’t do mornings and that a fact all who know me, knows. And now it’s possibly next week. What can I say? Even a phone call in a busy life can be done.
Ok that’s my Xmas rant, it’s all over now. Time to get back on the horse and mark out my own life.
Sorry to anyone who was unfortunate to read this, but I had to get it out.
Hey that’s what this forum is for, no need to apologise and I understand how it can be… I spent Xmas day on my own yesterday as my dad has bad flu so was best not to visit him. I went along to Sainsburys this morning, hardly any shoppers and no Xmas music just happy pop music - it was like a breath of fresh air.
I’m so sorry you’ve been abandoned by friends and family. It seems this damned disease causes casualties to many of our erstwhile near and dear relationships.
It’s so unfair that your family (I assume it’s family) could only squeeze you in at a time that is impossible for you. And that you’ve otherwise been left alone.
Hopefully you’ll have a better week now the dreaded Christmas Day is over. I suspect that watching the ‘happy family’ type nonsense that we’re peddled on the TV and in the media only serves to make us all feel that everyone else is surrounded by well wishers enjoying cosy festivities. This is of course not true. There are many people alone at Xmas.
I am truly hoping that your mood improves now that the day itself is done and dusted.
Don’t apologise for needing to vent on this forum, it’s partly what it’s here for.
so sorry to hear you are having a crappy time. I am not a fan of Christmas time, but that is more related to the coercive commercial pressures. I did get to see some family which was great, my frustrations are related to the fact that it is safer and smarter to let them do all the work, I feel increasingly useless. No one sets out to make me feel this way they just do all the jobs before I can get my act together. I should be (and regularly am) grateful but sometimes I just want to scream. On all practical and pragmatic levels I should just “suck it up” and enjoy being cared for.
I understand your wish for a phone call or conversation, but you might take a risk and make the call yourself if you think about it beforehand you can avoid awkward silences by having one or two ideas to move the conversation around a bit. As for others understanding our specific energy levels or additional time needed to do stuff, this is difficult to explain without sounding whingey. I suggest that you suss out who is empathetic and once you explain to them they should share the info. All the best and I hope you feel happier soon.
Thanks Lenny, really nice to get a nice reaction to my Xmas rant, thank you. I’m much better today, and can put things into perspective. I am strong and coping with a few extra M.S. complications at the moment. Thank you again Lenny.
Thanks Sue for your words, I do feel a lot better and positive today. My carer will be back tomorrow morning and she will sort me out, she doesn’t take any nonsense (I say that in jest). Your right about the TV , it was full of Xmas slush and happy endings. I watched the C.I. Channel, no slush there lol again thank you, I hope you are doing well and best wishes for 2017
i think a lot of people feel the same but dare not say it out loud,but i can I HATE XMAS…lol and breathe…i dont care that people think i am a grinch either,i really dont.we took all the decorations down today too…couldn wait to see the back of them.
I’m not to keen on the merry old festive season either. It seems to make the lonely lonelier, the unwell sicker and the miserable more unhappy. Partly I’m sure through comparison with the happy, jolly times we are all supposed to be having with our close families and friends. There are many of us who would really rather not compare our own family relationships to those in the media.
Still, at least Christmas is over, now just grit teeth and get through new year and that’s it, finished with for another year.
Thanks Mick for your kind and positive words, the problem is they were always empathetic and were very understanding to my situation but as I’m now unable to get into their houses where like you they did everything for me and like you I found it frustrating but accepted it. Last year I could get into their house by someone carrying me in, but then I felt left in the corner in my wheelchair (out of the way). And now as my chair is much bigger no chance to get it into the house. Anyway I’m not one for sitting at the end of the table watching all partying and smiling “you ok Ella? Having fun?” How can you respond to that without sounding ungrateful. Well I’m feeling much better today and glad it’s all over
Ella, glad you are feeling a bit better. I too get frustrated by the social structures which lead to the automatic response of “fine thanks” when I’m thinking “if you felt like I do for 5 or 10 minutes you would have a clue” I then realise that is not the answer as they are only trying to be reasonable within the constraints of their own experience. Sometimes I will respond with "if you really want to know I can tell you.
Indeed, but by asking, they should be aware that “fine” is a qualified term. Some people don’t actually care, some do but are embarrassed and some do try to understand.
I spent Christmas with my 87 year-old dad. In order to do this I braved three train journeys and two taxis. It was six hours door to door. With my dad we dictated our own celebration. It was very understated and not dominated by television. We had a couple of hours of visiting family mayhem and the rest of the time slumped in the inertia of our own indolence. Bliss. I look at the world around me flapping and flitting around trying to be the perfect Christmas elf. Their eyes are wild with a face of sheer angst worrying about the days ahead:
“Have I spent enough on the nephews and nieces? Will anyone think I’ve sold them short? It’s been hard this year; will they think I like them less because I can’t reach the giddy heights of last year’s luxuriant offerings?”
I used my wheelchair and the generosity of friends and family with cars to get out and about to see some old friends. I used to sit at home waiting for the world to come to me. I know we get hacked off by people telling us to get out more and we may find genuine tedium in having to plan every trip out but I found it made all the difference this year.
Wishing you all the best for the new year. Steve x
Hi., I don’t like Christmas either. I don’t understand it if you are not religious. I like it that family and friends get together. I spent my first Christmas with family in years cos of work in the past. I am absolutely shattered. It was far harder than I thought. Even though I have tried explaining to the family they just dont understand. That is why coming on here helps. I hope things are getting better for you. Anne x
