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I feel depressed and suicidal

I have relapsing remitting MS and it’s really affecting my mindset and body. I am in a negative storm with MS. I have recently graduated with a strong law degree and have a lot of work experience in the field, yet my inability to secure any job affects me. I walk with a limp now and I am scared that it will never get better. I am scared no one will ever want to be with me now and that I will not be able to have children. All my dreams have been shattered. It is really mentally affecting me and this makes my physical condition worse. Will life ever improve?

Hi Anon,

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. It’s really easy to let MS get the better of you - feeling down and depressed is a very common symptom associated with the disease, so its important that you get some help. Talk to your GP, your MS Nurse Specialist, family and your friends about the way you feel as soon as possible. Sometimes a trouble shared is a trouble halved.

Many Congratulations on your law degree - I know that its seriously bloody hard work, because I did one too! No wonder you are feeling the way you do - its like ’ I’ve worked my arse off for three years, now what’? The important thing is to rest, take a break from all your hard work, enjoy your achievement ( which is all the greater because you have MS) and take time for a period of reflection about what you want to do next. You sound like you have strong CV; what do you intend to do with your new qualification? Do you want to train to be a lawyer, or do you want to do something completely different?

Have you seen your MS team recently? talk to them about your limp - physio may help, so may a short course of steroids, but a disease modifying drug is the way forward, it will really slow down the progress of your disease

As to anyone not wanting to be with you or never being able to have children don’t give up on those things, either. You sound like an intelligent and determined person;people will see that in you and come to admire and value it. While it is probably true that you loose ‘friends’ and ‘partners’ along the way because of this wretched disease of ours, these people do not and will never deserve those terms because they are selfish and only thinking about themselves. Those who stand by you, love you and support you regardless of your disease are the ones you should cherish the most. The rest are just irrelevant faff.

Most importantly, don’t let this disease stop you pursuing your dreams. Nothing is beyond your reach, if you so desire to chase it.

Remember too, that this community is here to help you and listen to your concerns, so don’t feel that you are ever alone. We are a funny lot, but we are all in it together 24 hours a day.

Take care of yourself,

Hugs,

AV/Nia.

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Hello

Aw, MS stinks. It really does. Nia talks absolute sense. Being diagnosed with MS is no bloody joke and for some people it really does damage to your mindset.

The image we have when first diagnosed, or that many people with no experience of MS have is that it will leave you ravaged, disabled, alone and lonely. This is not true. It is less true now than when Nia or I started our MS journey.

Having relapsing remitting MS means you should be able to get a disease modifying drug (DMD) which should lessen the number and severity of relapses. If you’ve not had the discussion about drugs yet with your neurologist / MS nurse, try to do so soon. Meanwhile have a look at https://www.mstrust.org.uk/about-ms/ms-treatments/ms-decisions-aid There are many drugs available now that will lessen the chances of your experiencing disabling relapses.

When diagnosed with RRMS, you expect that you will have a relapse and then over days, weeks or a few months at most, the symptoms will either completely or partially remit. Sometimes it can take so long for a symptom to remit that it feels permanent. It is not necessarily so. It can be months and months before one day you suddenly think, ‘oh, that’s better, I wonder when that happened!’ This is not unusual. Physiotherapy can indeed help, as can exercising generally. But our bodies are smarter than we know, the nerves that are damaged by a relapse are often compensated for to leave us almost as able bodied as before, if not quite the same.

People do exist out there who are capable of seeing you the person and not your diagnosis. You will find friends (some you already have and others you will make) who are able to see you as an individual, this doesn’t mean they will necessarily ignore your MS, but more that they will be there for you in spite of it.

You, along with many of us, will find a loving and generous partner in life I am sure. You may have to kiss a few frogs before finding your own prince/ss but find him/her, I feel certain you shall. You need not give up your dreams of children in your future. Your life may be slightly altered from your previous plans, but it can still be a good life.

Equally, you do seem to have a good CV; a good law degree will make it perfectly possible for you to find meaningful and rewarding work. Employers too will find it possible to see past a disease to a good candidate for employment.

Having said all of this, I do understand that when you are young and newly diagnosed, with what seems like a never ending symptom, it feels overwhelming to visualise the future you had planned out in your mind.

Keep talking to people about your symptoms, your feelings and your fears. We on this forum will be here to support and encourage you. Your friends and family too will I am sure, be a great source of support. Do speak to your GP about your feelings of depression and despondency, see what help is available to you.

Sue

Hi

It’s unlikely that it’s the MS that is causing your negativity. Being unemployed is the most dispiriting state I know of, especially after you have done all that hard work. I was out of work for three years after 18 years in work so I know how difficult it is to keep positive.

Your limp is easily treatable with physiotherapy. I have PPMS and I am sure that I have managed to keep mobile by the physiotherapy i have have.

MS is no obstacle to having children, but it’s a good idea to check with your GP if you are having any disease modifying drugs. As for no one ever wanting to be with you, that’s just your mindset. You need your confidence and self belief boosted.

I would start with a visit to your GP and discuss antidepressants.

And as those two ladies, Nia and Sue, have said the resources of this forum are formidable. We have a great deal of empathy, understanding and experience and are willing to share it.

Best wishes,

Anthony

Wow well done you for graduating with a strong law degree and having a lot of work experience in the field is good too. Your problem is so many people seem to be doing law now my niece too has just finished and has come out with a strong degree in law, and like you is struggling to find work, she lives in Bristol. I hasten to add she does not have MS. She is tall and very pretty and confident, and is slowly loosing her confidence and feels she wasted a lot of her life pursuing a career she will never have a job at the end.

Can I ask you RRMS did you have it when you started your degree? Or did you suddenly get through uni, start to look for work then crash landed with a diagnosis of RRMS?

I am just trying to establish which is worse having the RRMS or not getting your dream job etc.

If you have had RRMS throughout the journey you have to remember you did ALL OF THAT with MS, kudos to you. You worked hard you kept going because you wanted to become a lawyer. If you suddenly just ended up with the lable after you did all the course work, then at the moment you are in shock of the diagnosis, and it is clouding your judgement and emotional state.

I hope i am making sense.

IF lets say you always had RRMS and worked hard and got your degree then it would appear its because you are faced with unemployment and disappointments not being offered work. This happens to a lot of people with or without MS.

If the latter you should never let your disability make it impossible for you to follow your dream.

You have an advantage why not go for Disability Law. There is a company a charity you might be able to discuss your crisis with them. You may be able to do some volunteer work with them just to get over this patch, they also have a link evenbreak (below) where you can find work if you have a disability.

https://dls.org.uk/

https://www.evenbreak.co.uk/en

I remember there was a lawyer who was diagnosed with MS in a wheelchair and works in law for disabled people now.

Having MS is a shock yes, but it isnt the end of your life, it is just a challenge you can still work get a dmd have children, get married etc. so many people do have children, one facebook friend i have has 3 children and has MS.

The others have given you a ton of good stuff.

Just take a breather, many people coming out of uni, with great degrees will be in your boat, struggling to find work, last year one of my friends who trained to be a teacher worked in weatherspoons until she finally found a job she really wanted.

Dont let it get you down, you worked so hard to do this.

You could even open your own little practice and concentrate of Disability Law or help people who really need it. there is always a way.

Being unemployed sucks with or without MS. xxx

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I can add no more wise or encouraging words , they have already been put to you. Congrats on your qualification, I would like to think that this will open a number of doors for you. Go grab the world warmly by the throat and have an amazing time… despite anything.

Good luck

Mick

The problem with a law degree is that in order to work as a solicitor, you also need a further post graduate qualification (expensive), then a 2 year Training Contract with a firm of solicitors. Which have been in short supply since the financial crisis of 2007/8. A woman I know had immense trouble gaining a Training Contract, eventually she managed it after working in a variety of positions in law firms (general office assistant, receptionist, paralegal). She finally qualified last year and is now doing well at her first job as a qualified solicitor. It’s taken about 10 years since finishing her law degree. (Qualification as a barrister is even more difficult I believe.)

It’s still incredibly tough to find work regardless of degree or experience which is commensurate with ability. So I do understand that it’s even more disheartening to have a diagnosis of MS and the accompanying symptoms. It would make anyone doubt their ability to move on in the world.

But it is possible. Sometimes you do have to either take jobs that are beneath your experience level in the hope of promotion, or change to a different field of work, where a degree is needed, but not necessarily a law degree.

Sue

Wow I had no idea. (I have yet to plumb the depths of my ignorance)

i really hope that the original poster gets the breaks and good luck required. I was thinking that with a law degree there would be many employment opportunities.

mick

ANON how are you feeling now? I know its only been a few days but was thinking about you. Dont give up hun, you have done so well.

I really hope you are feeling a bit more positive we all have days when we feel like throwing our arms in the air and saying enough is enough. xxxxxxxxxx

ANON please do not do anything rash. you have youth and brains on your side. things have a way of working out even though they might not adhere to your original plan. i qualified as a mature student to become a teacher. following a happy and successful time i had to take a sideways move to work with a local education authority as an advisory teacher around the Disability Act. i eventually had to take medical early retirement. hopefully you will find a way to use your qualification and experience. there are such a lot of us on here and we are all rooting for you. recognise it as another challenge/hurdle and do what it takes to get over it. concentrate on being the best at dealing with MS and kick it’s arse.

I have gone from a point of being chased around the Highlands of Scotland by police helicopters and carted off to a mental institution because of suicidal intention to living a life of relative contentment, ANYTHING is possible. Keeping the darkness at bay is painfully difficult at times, when it’s like that it’s a matter of getting up, surviving the day, going to bed and repeat. One day the world doesn’t seem quite as dark, hang in there.

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I hope your ok. I hate these posts as we never know what happens. xxxxxxxxx thinking of you. x