I can relate to your post in so may ways; The lack in confidence, worrying about work, feeling despondent…
At the end of the day I just keep telling myself that I still have the same skills and experiences that I had before MS came along but my limitations are very different now and it’s finding & perfecting those limitations which is so flippin’ hard. My priorities are very different too. I’ve always worked hard & put everything I have into my job and now I find that I can’t. Other things have taken over in the priority stakes too, like my health and living!
But I still have to work. I can’t afford not too.
There are always loads of little changes that you can make at work and at home that can help. Even the smallest of things can make a huge difference. But it’s definitely a steep learning curve and a continual one too.
Stress definitely makes me feel worse so I’ve no doubt at all that the stress of looking for a new job coupled with your recent loss of confidence and the constant worrying about everything isn’t helping. I’m very much the same.
Are you on any meds to help with the fatigue and stiffness and if you are do you think they’re helping?
As much as I love my job even I have to admit that there will come a time when I’ll have to look at other options but I think this also depends on whatever your occupation is too. Although I work in an office my job is very stressful and full on and I have a lot of responsibilities. I feel like I’m pedaling backwards a lot of the time nowadays.
Ultimately I don’t think it’s just a case of coming to terms with having MS - it’s everything else that comes with it and if you can get over some of those hurdles and find ways that work for you then you’re halfway there. Like most people (I think?) I’m still finding my way.
I really hope that something comes along for you, that in itself will be a confidence boost for you.
Good luck & let me know (if you want too) how you get on
p.s. I’m also a fan of that saying ‘I work to live not live to work’!