My husband is my carer and I do feel for him as he has to do everything I feel so useless we aren’t even as close as we used to be been married 31 years had ms 3 years lost my mobility threw it all it gets harder every day

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Hi, my husband is my full time carer too, he does everything around the house, shopping, gardening and of course things I need doing, I too feel terrible for him, I feel so guilty that I can’t help, but he says I shouldn’t as its not my fault, thankfully we are still close, married 43yrs, been together 45yrs, we still love each other and everyday we sit in the late afternoon with a glass of wine and talk things through that need to be said, or just idle chit chat, some may say “not good drinking wine everyday” my answer is “its our social time and a time to iron things out”. Maybe if you could put some time aside for each other it might help, good luck and chin up.



Hii me and my hubby have been married 50 years. Ive had PPMS for 25 years. So yeh, it’s hard going.

He tells folk and me, that when I put his wedding ring on his finger, he meant it.

But somedays arent that easy!

Hi Bouds,
YOu’re so right, some days are really bloody tuff…weekend for instance at the weekend I lost the use of my hands, fully in my left, partial in my right, that meant my hubby doing everything for me, including feeding, very upsetting for us both, but it shows me how much he still loves me and me him. thankfully my hands are a little better, it lasted 3 days…MS what a F**KER it is.

Jean x

Hi Jean, oh the hand thing…3 years ago MS started work on my left hand and now it is so difficult to use at all.

Thankfully it doesnt hurt but curls in a lot. I use a splint to stop this.

I have stopped crafting now and eat using right hand only, using bendy fork or spoon. I also wear a bib.
Fun innit!


Hi Bouds,

Oh hell its awful isn’t it, the hand thing is scary, because we need them for our independence, loosing the ability to walk is 1 thing, loosing the hand is quite another, stay strong as I will.

Jean x

We have been married 34 years and my husband has been my rock through not just health but through all that live has thrown at us.

I’m sure, as do many wives supporting their husbands through ms, you would do the same for him.

A touch, a look, a laugh, a memory, free, simple but priceless.

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As others have said, it’s horrible seeing our loved ones making the effort while we feel useless and a burden
There’s a couple related things that could be worth doing. Firstly, at the end of each day, look back over your day. What things did you do that made you smile or brought some joy, or helped you feel alive somehow, or meant you felt peaceful or whole. And then think of the activities that left you feeling empty, drained, unfulfilled, not ‘you’.
You’l probably find that some things regularly appear that either brought you life etc or left you empty etc. You can then make better decisions as a result. So for example, if I just scroll on my phone or watch telly all night, I’ll feel dissatisfied and empty. But if I spot shapes in the clouds (I saw one look like a squirrel eating a nut yesterday), read my bible, or do something creative or fun, I’ll feel more joy and satisfaction.
So now, if I’m not sure what to do with myself, I know the kinds of things to do or avoid. If you do this, you’ll begin to fee better, which in turn will be good for your husband - he needs an alive you.

The other thing is to think about what he enjoys. Are there little things you could do that would make him smile or help him feel appreciated? Maybe write little notes for him to find round the house, or buy him a treat.
Also, do fun things together. Read a book to each other, Play games, watch funny fims. Laughing together is great for relationships


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My husband is my carer too. We have been married 31 years. I have had MS for the last 18 of them. He does everything, washing, cooking, cleaning and sorting out virtually everything for me. I feel so bad for him but he says it is not my fault. We do talk about things but probably not enough. I feel guilty for not helpful him more. But my body says no!