Husband wants to help

Welcome and introductions
1

Hey, you guys

My name is Wes, I am a doctor in Brazil (current fellow in Oncology) and my husband was just diagnosed with RRMS.
Although a doctor, I can’t say MS is something I’ve dealt with in clinical practice, so just as many of you, I am seeking information to better understand it and help my husband.

He is currently 32yo and the diagnosis came last week when we got a MRI due to a numbness in his left thigh. We struggled to remember, but it doesn’t seem that he felt anything different before that.
We initially thought it was a tumor (which, as an oncologist, scared me very much), but with extended exams found out it was MS - despite this being his first attack, we could see around 6 previous lesions that showed asymptomatic disease up to this point.

His numbness was already giving away, but the neuro team thought better to get him hospitalize to receive high-dose glucocorticoids as a symptom-reliever treatment. His symptom went away completely today.

Now we’re on a road to start DMT and I’d like to receive advice as to how can a husband help up. With a routine dealing with very sick patients and aggressive diseases, I confess I’m feeling down and worried on how our life will be.

We’ve dreamed for some years about adopting children… now I’m second guessing a bit, worried I won’t be able to handle everything in a caregiving and thoughtful manner.

What would you say to me?

2

I am sorry that you two have this news to deal with. That is often the way with MS - two young people, starting out on their lives together, have the jolting shock of a life-changing dx. One thing is for sure - a steady and true-hearted life partner is a blessing for a person with MS. Just knowing that you are a team who will help each other through with whatever comes along is worth such a lot. Don’t worry too much about what to say or do. Being there is enough. You can’t fix this, and that is hard: doctors like to fix things, men like to fix things, and you’re both but you can’t fix this. I wish you well.

1 Like
3

i have had MS since before 2000. was married over 30 years. my husband and i had a lovely life then he got sick too COPD. a really hard working man always travelling to other countries for engineering. Then at 71 he finally retired and we were going to buy a bungalow in The Isle of Wight, he went off to view one and came back a few days later, 3 days later he suddenly passed away. My life is so empty now since 2017, and yes i still have PPMS and slowly decling. I am now on my own dealing with it.

So what i am trying to say is, so he has MS, it isnt the end of the world. My husband and I were in BRAZIL when i had my first major symptom. Life has no guarantees. You marry someone in sickness and in health, if you are lucky to enjoy good stuff thats great, but when we say I DO, thats in the moment. There are no moments in life we can be sure of, the only moment i was sure of was when i said to my my hubby I DO. We made it the best marriage we could and loved each other unconditionally.

all you can do is be there for him, it ISNT THE END OF THE WORLD. I often wonder why is it that people think the words you have MS means you have no more life. it is puzzling. Yes when i was finally told after 16 years in 2016 i had MS I just got on with life.

Your husband is young and fit and healthy. Beleive it or not i have PPMS and i am healthy my bloods are good and rarely get colds lol.

So DONT SMOTHER him, dont change around him do not treat him like he has some disease you can catch. he has got this quickly your lucky i waited over 16 years damage was done.

Support him and carry on with your plans for your life. You can still have kids, there are loads of older ones who need homes, you can both do so much together. Gosh loads of MSERS go on to have babies and they grow up. i met a young women on here 3 years ago and her little one is now just under 3, and doing really well and so is she. Loves being a mum. She is always off doing things. are you worried for the right reasons? is it YOUR LIFE your worried about or his or both. sorry i am a straight shooter.

stop worry about what will be, just deal with the now. He needs support yes, it is scary when a loved one is diagnosed with any disease. Be practicable, the first thing is making sure he lives a really healthy lifestyle, when ready go off on a holiday and just chill out. remember Life isnt like a box of chocolates, its hard work, and so much can change in a nano second. i found that out. Just as i was finally planning on my last journey of life with my husband i am doing it on my own. but boy we had fun before that day. i lost a great job i loved; slowly my MS progressed and could do less but even then we had fun just being together, we got chickens lol. had a laugh and enjoyed each company.

this isnt the end its a start of a new journey. A test of love, enjoy your life. your both so young, i am 72 this year. I have my 400 african children i care about, there are always different ways you can have chlldren, sponser some, go to africa and volunteer and work with them, have a life. THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WITH MS do. my sisters Mother in law was 80 when she passed with she had MS but it was her diabetes which took her in the end. xx

1 Like
4

The outlook for your husband is better than ever, with new treatments and a better understanding of the disease. There is no reason that you will not be able to live a full and rewarding life. I would adopt children, or have your own, because it will bring you closer together and you will have endless laughter and joy in your life.
Plan, make adjustments and get on with life. It is just beginning and you have nothing to fear.
S

1 Like