Hope you are all as well as you can be. Given this heat eh?
I need some pointers please?
Maybe I just need to harden up. Which is not in my nature.
So far this summer we have had three and a half weeks or back to back guests. It will stretch to five weeks by the end of it. If I am still here !!
These are all close friends or family. Always groups of four inc. teenagers. People who know my situation. In all the three weeks TWO meals have been made by other people. I have made all the other meals, twice a day. I have gone food shopping. I have planned all the meals. I have tidied up. My husband has done that.
Every day I have been urged, bullied to go out and about with them. Swimming outside, boating, electric bicycles. I have tried to explain that it is more than usual fatigue. That being out in this heat (beween 28 and 34C) is a no no. I have done absolutely everything I can to explain. I was given the reply by one "You give too many excuses not to go out with us. You just have to power through and carry on). When they go bak from the swimming session they were all burnt! So much for the shade they promised they would find me!! There wasn’t any!
After talking with my husband he feels this. He is always having to make excuses for me, why I won’t go out. People don’t believe there is anything wrong with me. I am making it all up. That is all the people around where we live. That is most of our family members. People just don’t care enough to want to understand.
I have been left feeling very wounded. Very wounded indeed. I don’t have many friends here. Tried so many times but they are just a very closed society and won’t let strangers in.
I can feel myself retreating from the world. I feel like just loving my animals and where I live… That will have to be enough. I cant physically take this struggle anymore. Maybe that will have to be my life from now on…
I have given so much of myself to others over the years. Do anything for anyone. Now I feel it has to stop. I will have to be content with just being here and enjoying my surroundings.
Any help or thoughts would be gratefully received.