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How and when to tell new boyfriend/girlfriend??

Hiya, I could do with some advice here. My daughter has just split up with her boyfriend. He was there for her when she had her diagnosis, and was very supportive…but their relationship has come to a natural end (they are just teenagers!) She is off to uni in a couple of weeks, and is terrified about what to do when she meets someone new… how on earth does she broach the subject of having MS? Will they run a mile? When she should she mention it? She is a very private person with regards to MS - she doesn’t want anyone to know, as she thinks they will see her differently. But with a possible partner that’s a different question. She isn’t an extrovert at the best of times, but I don’t want her diagnosis putting her off meeting new people (which I see as a possibility, and I am worried.) Arrrgghh! What a nightmare situation! Any advice or suggestions gratefully recieved! Thanks. V

hi anon

how long has your daughter had ms?

could she discuss this with her ms nurse?

its a tricky age without ms.

she needs her confidence boosting.

maybe when she starts uni she’ll find her confidence.

encourage her to speak to someone in pastoral care.

she needs to understand that the people who run away aren’t the ones she needs in her life.

needs to understand that she is mega strong to be battling with this disease and going to uni too.

needs to believe that everything works out in the end.

wishing you both the best of luck

carole x

Hello,

I’m very sorry to hear that.

Have you seen shift ms wbsite set up for young people with MS.

Some time ago (shortly after the film was released on shift ms) someone posted a link on this site, the link : http://shift.ms/gallop/ . A short on line film (11 min) dealing with young people starting out in life with MS and starting at the beginning of adulthood. It doesn’t have answers, I guess there are none but is inspiring. See what you think of the film and whether to pass.

To some degree your daughter seems in the avoidance phase after a DX, though she is getting on (respect) - going to uni - she can make herself a good life. But being worried that people will see her differently is probably not helpful. People have to see her for who she is - beyond the MS but possibly including the MS. The MS will almost certainly will constrain her to some degree (and then I guess she will have to provide some explanation to others or get mired in avoiding the subject) but the prognosis nowadays for RR is massivey different from when we were that age. Things are in the pipeline for progressive MS too.

It must be very hard for you. Never mind the general having to suffer that one can’t pick up one’s child and cuddle them better anymore. I guess it becomes (even more so when your child develops MS) stepping back and helping with decisions without causing resentment.

If I were you I’d be watching the emerging MS drugs. There is inertia in the NHS, there are new decisions to be made - that quite properly have to go to committee - to guard against one rogue idea that messes everything up, but committees are slow. At an individual level, what a clinician learnt (has become an exert in) is replaced by new knowledge and drugs. At the moment there is a new paradigm in MS emerging of Treat To Target of No Evidence of Disease Activity made possible by the wave new drugs. As always the risk of the treatment has to be balanced against the risk of the condition.