I would really appreciate some honest advice please. Am I just being totally unreasonable or not?!! To cut a long story short, I have been fightng with my employer for ages to employ an extra TA to help me in the classroom- all funded by AtW. They finally interviewed for the post on Thursday but after the interviews had finished and my head of department and I were discussing the candidates, she offered me the option of working part time- something I thought I would have to go to tribunal to get!! I was shocked to say the least. Why they couldn’t have said this before interviewing I really don’t know!! Anyway (okay, so this isn’t that short!!) I went home to discuss this with my husband who obviously(i thought) knows how badly I suffer with fatigue, espcially as i work on average over 45 hours a week at the moment. He went all quiet and obviously wansn’t happy with the idea. When I asked why he had gone all stroppy and why he didn’t like the idea, all he could ask was “what are you going to do with the 2 days you are not working?” seriously?? Has he not lived with me since diagnosis a year ago and seen how much i have been struggling- even to the point of considering doing something stupid because of sheer exhaustion. I am devestated by his reaction and feel that he just doesn’t get it at all, or worse still that he doesn’t care how i feel as long as i carry on working full time and earning most of the money. What would you do???
Mmmm, I can see your problems are 2 quite separate issues.
Yes, why on earth couldn`t your employer have discussed you working part time earlier? I expect this will be sorted soon.
Now as regards your husband not seeing what the problem is…this can be typical of a partner…be it man or wife or other,
The sheer mind numbing fatigue we suffer, is inside…we may yawn, close our eyes at the dinner table, have no interest in sex, or a ton of other things…these are noticeable things…but if someone cant or indeed, wont see them, then we have a hard job on our hands.
If we have no outward symptoms, like a dragging leg or a useless hand, it isn`t apparent to others that we are actually suffering.
It is likely your hubby does care, but doesn`t get it. Plain speaking from you, but in a calm way if poss, is needed here.
Me too!!! I will just pop to get notepaper and pen :0)
Thank you ladies,
I understand that it will affect us financially, I earn quite a bit more than husband so I guess he is thinking of the money…I am thinking of coping and that I don’t care if i earn less if i have a better quality of life…not working then sleeping all week and weekends to recover from working (with a class of Reception children)! I was looking at figures last night and we could afford it, obviously we would have to cut back but I am willing to do that!!
I do think that you need to sit down with your husband and a bottle of wine and have a chat. You are both still going to be reeling from your MS dx - a year is a very short time to digest that sort of news. People come to terms in different ways and by different routes and on different timescales. It is perfectly likely that his head is still buried deeply in the sand on the whole business. So any reminder that this is real and it isn’t going away is likely to get an odd reaction. And there is nothing more basic and non-ignorable than a 40% reduction in the main wage-earner’s income (I am assuming from your post that you are the main wage-earner?) It is quite possible that this is the least of his worries, but it is the only one he feels able to articulate, because all the important stuff about you and your health and your future lives is all too painful and raw to give voice to. People say strange things when they are afraid or in pain.
I hope that you and he are able to talk a bit about your fears and worries. Even if he does not really want to talk much (and this would not be unusual), it would be good for you both to be reassured that you are loved and supported and on the same side.
I guess that I also want to be able to make the most of life while I am still able and just working and sleeping is just something I am not willing or able to continue. I admit the reduction in wages does concern me. We have been lucky enough to have had a critical illness payment and that lump sum is still in the bank so we do have savings and on part time work i would still get decent wage. Husband and I are not on speaking terms at the mo, so I guess I had better be the grown up and break the silence…maybe with the list of jobs Blossom suggested!! (joke!!) My head of department would like an answer by the end of the week…another thing I am not sure of is does AtW still give support to part time workers??
I teach too. I would think very carefully before going part time though. I too am the main wage earner and it literally wouldn’t be financially worthwhile for us until the children are older. I would try the TA option first - an effective TA can really help reduce workload - initiative is a vital skill! Alternatively, a change of year group? Settling any year group in is tough but Reception has always exhausted me more than any other. Year 1 or a KS2 class? Not Year 6 though… I think because of the pension implications and issues with your husband you can reasonably ask for more time to consider / reasearch all the implications. Hope this helps. xx
Hi Emya, have you lookedf into claiming PIP bennifit. As we are diagnosed with MS we are also officaly classed as disabled and therefor intitled to claim Personal Independance Payment. The payment is not meens tested either and may help boost the coffers if you decide to shorten your hours.www.gov.uk