Help Me Please .... Suggestions ?

Everyday living
1

My Name is Howard, I am 57 years old and I have been suffering
with Progressive MS for around 17 years

Recently I have been finding it increasingly difficult to cope with
life with my MS.

I am single with no children and so I have no-one to lean on
emotionally and, for financial reasons, I still need to work full-time
in order to afford to live.

Getting out of bed each morning to go to work is a physical and mental
struggle, and I am very tired when I return home and so I don’t feel up
to getting out and socializing, and exercising, which further increases
my sense of despair.

I can still walk, but ony for short distances - any exercise just tires me out

I really don’t know where to turn or how to find out what options are
available to me to improve my situation.

I feel trapped between my deteriorating health due to MS and my
financial situation, where if I cannot continue to work I will lose my
home, as I still have 12 years to pay on my mortgage.

Is there any advice that the anyone can offer to help
me find a way to better cope with all of this for the long term?

I feel utterly desperate.

Howard

2

Hi Howard,

Would you think about selling your home before it gets taken back by the lender? Once you are renting you have more flexibility about how and where you live, without the millstone of a mortgage around your neck.

Should your condition deteriorate to the point that you cannot work you could be eligible for Personal Independence Payments and according to your personal savings, various other benefits available to the disabled.

I had unemployment and possession of my home enforced on me 10 years ago, the same year I was diagnose with PPMS. I’m now restricted to a wheelchair when I leave my flat. I don’t have any property, or debts, so life is a lot easier and with fewer things to worry about.

Regards,

John

3 Likes
3

Hi Howard,

Could you maybe talk to to your mortgage lender about an interest only mortgage or look at a lifelong mortgage for over55s.

Also get some benefits advice, you could be entitled to pip even if you are working and ESA if you are no longer able to work

I understand it’s a difficult time but there are solutions at present but you do need to look at all your options.

Take care

Christine.

4

How How!

Sorry for that little, yeh very little, attempt at jollity.

I know chuck, you can do without my silliness, but its whats coming out through my brain and down to my fingers.

No offence meant.

Now then, to your immediate problems.

The housing situation…I have discovered that having been a houseowner (Us and the lender that is) for nigh on 45 years, I`m gonna have to pay for my care, once the mortgage is paid in about 3 years.

My care costs a lot lot more than the mortgage and I am screaming inside…had we lived in rented accommodation, we would get the care paid, as now.

Should I need to go into care in the future, the whole lot will have to be paid and the house sold…but not if my oh is still living in it…but whenever he pops his clogs, they`ll want the proceeds from the house.

The house we`ve totally adapted to suit yours truly…some with help of a DFG, but mostly through bank loans and scrimping on luxuries like heating and eating…benefits us not an inch financially…so what was the chuffin point?

Likewise yourself…as John said…what about selling up and going into rented?

Have you thought you might be entitled to PIP? If youre trapped in continuing to work, when theres little time for owt else, due to knackering yourself, why carry on?

It`s a chuff, really it is.

I feel for you.

Pollsx

5

As do I… I know that feeling, when when just existing from day to day takes it out of you so much (making oneself decent and going to work) that there’s no time to worry about anything else! Haven’t any useful suggestions, I’m afraid, but I know how you feel…

6

Howard,

Sorry that you feel so down at the moment.

Is your employer approachable, and can they help? I know that some can be great but that lots would be next to useless.

Can your GP or MS nurse or neurologist put you in touch with support services?

I hope that you get some support. At least here you will be listened to without automatic judgements. Ther are some wise people here who will do their utmost to understand and help.

Good luck

Mick

7

Hi Howard,

My life has completely changed in the space of a few years. I am 56 and I was declared unfit for work over 18 months ago. I spend about 95% of my time on my own. However, I have learnt that for my sanity and coping skills, (although I cannot comment on your house/working), my home has been the saving grace for me. Not the physical home, but that I have been encouraged to create my gentle space. So when I have been out or to the library across the road for instance, when I get in I am looking forward to my cds, some Linkin Park especially today, classical, garage, then some books (trying to learn Russian at the moment to keep the brain cells ticking over), then a film, then netflix, relaxing, breathing, yoga although it is more like yoga for a three legged donkey with me, then gardening although I have some limitations.

It is now not just the place I go to because I am so tired I can’t stand up or think. It is the space that although I am tired, I can invest in my things at my pace. The hardest thing to adapt to was my brain understanding this. So I don’t know if there is anything you can do to adjust or create that home-experience? It took quite a lot of adjustment, organisation for example, getting food delivered just to save that energy that shopping takes and I can’t carry it anyway, it frees up time and energy for me to chose either to do something at home, or to rest but it is my choice. If I have to go out to get things or do things, I try to do them together so I do one journey instead of having to keep popping out, therefore saving some more energy.

This worked for me, it might not work for everyone but I don’t have the choice of much socialising or mixing just because of how my life has developed, so for this reason the changes I have made have made it all easier to just be.

1 Like
8

great reply Hebes.

You could teach us all the secret of your sanity!

pollsx