As you can see from the replies alot of people are out there listening to your plight and desperatly hoping to give you the strength to get the ball rolling.
A controlling husband that you are obviously scared of upsetting as you have to rely on him is a very vunerable place to be, but you do not have to live like this and you do not have to be reliant on him.
Does he make access to the phone limited? If so could you start by using your computer to contact one of the helpsites suggested by anu?
You may of guessed by now I really know your situation and am living proof that there are ways out…please dont stay in the building up courage stage for as long as I did.I wasted 13 mnths of life because of the fear of the consequences.
My heart goes out to you.I think you’re really brave, but you have to be just a little bit braver and tell someone. We’re all here for you, I can’t really add to the great advice you’ve had, but I’m thinking of you and hope you can tell a social worker or your OT or someone else soon. Then things will start to improve for you.
Please reach out and ask for help and contact social services. You’ve taken the first step and posted on here. As others have said this is abuse.
Your self confidence and self esteem have been taken away from you. Your husband and now your children are controlling you. You’re neglected but what worries me is that this could eventually lead to physical abuse and you’d be helpless.
You deserve a better life than this and somewhere people genuinely care about your physical and emotional needs. We’re all here listening to you and behind you to get over that first hurdle. Please pick up the phone and ask for that help.
Yep its another day and we are all still behind you willing you on. If we could come and see you to hold your hand and take you through it you would have an army on your doorstep by now.
I guess you are scared of what will happen when your family first know you are not happy with the way they treat you and the workers have all left and you are alone with them.There are things that can be done so this doesnt happen.
Please talk to someone honey. I am part of the district nurse team and a ms sufferer. I would be so upset if my patients didn’t talk to me when they needed help and sdvice, You can talk to them in confidence first and work though things untill you feel ready to take the next step. Direct payments are fab and give you control over your care. Maybe once you open up the conversation with your OH with someone else there you can come up with a way that you can stay together and take the preassure off, if thats what you want to do. If not the social worker can give you advice on your housing situation.
Thank you all for your continued support, I have yet to take the leap of faith by speaking to my district nurse or anyone else. It’s true I have no confidence left and I am scared that I will start the ball rolling and my situation will become intollerable at home. I tried to leave my husband about seven years ago after he pushed me over and left me on the floor, I went ot a domestic violence unit but i couldn’t manage on my own, and they didn’t seem to understand my needs and I eneded up going back to my husband after a suicide attempt. He vilified me to all his family and our friends, told some terrible lies about me sleeping around, he contacted DLA and Income Support and told them I had been working and I wasn’t as ill as I had said (his reason for that was he thought if I had trouble with my benefits then I wouldn’t have money to live on then I would have to go back to him I think), yet when I tried to take my own life he protayed himself as the wonderful supportive husband at the hospital and couldn’t understand why I had done it and denied that we were spilt up at the time. That was the worst part of our marriage and things did improve over time, and I must say although he his verbally abussive now and he neglects me he as not laid his hands on me since. I have told you all this because I hope it gives you an insight into why I am so afraid of getting help to live an independant life away from him and I am too scared to go against his wishes. But what is worst of all after he has had a phase of being terrible to me I think he panics a bit that he has pushed me too far, then he will be nice to me for a couple of weeks so it confuses me and makes me think maybe it will be ok in the end. Is this all part of the control?
Yes totally part of the control and a very useful tool in his box as he knows it works.
There is no easy way out of your situation but there are many ways and your past history shows how long this has been going on and why the circle is hard to break.
You need to be totally free physically financially and emotionally from this man.When you speak to someone you need to tell them that you need the safeguarding vulnerable adults team so that you can go somewhere safe and caters for your needs.You will need to tell them the truth of how bad it is and that you need to be kept safe from him while long term plans are made.
Its so hard to try and tell you the things I want to this way and the need to ensure when you do pluck up the courage, the need to go down the abuse route as its hard to say out loud that that is whats happening…in many forms…but there are far more regulations now in protecting vunerable adults.You may not wish to see yourself as that but you are and you need help to get out of it.
If I could come and get you I would but I send you a bucket full of courage. Have you sat down and thought what your ideal solution is?
I’ve been keeping an eye on this thread and hoping you will tell us you have asked for help. Please, please do because your situation will only get worse. I can’t stand to think of a person with this horrible illness being treated in this way, when they are at their most vulnerable. I would like to read one day that you have got out, been given a home on your own and have carers who actually CARE for you - and that you are happy.
I feel so lucky to have my husband as he is wonderful to me. Your problems make mine seem trivial in comparison.
You deserve a better life than the one you have but years of being put down will destroy your self esteem so you don’t feel you do deserve better. I hope you find the strength to make a difference to your life soon. x
I know you dont like the idea of living in a care environment but with direct payments-ask poll she is the expert on those -you could live a happy quality of life that you are in control of.
If you fear that initially he would turn up at your new home and cause trouble maybe it would feel safer at a respite or such like place initially.
Hi, i replied toy uo earlier on and have just read all the replies and deep concern so many of us have for you.
I`m the one who told you how much against outside help my husband was. it did take me a few years to find the courage to tell him that I was going ahead with Direct Payments.
He now agrees it was the best thing, for both of us.
Your friends on this forum really feel for you and want you to be in a safer, happeir place.
Honey break the cycle and get help. You need to be strong and get some proper advice from professionals. You are worth so much more than this. I wish I could give you a big bag of confidence to get you on your way but only you can do that and you can do it!!! I think you will shock yourself with how strong you are. xxx always here
Thank you all for your messages, your support means a great deal to me. Well today I have done it, I have contacted Social Services and they will be coming out to see me on Thursday. I am going to ask for carers and see how it goes from there. I know it is early days yet but I feel so much better for taking the first step to a better life. Once again thank you to you all.
Hi there, I just want to reiterate what others have said. I’m so sorry for the way that you are being treated. Please pluck up the courage to ring Social Services and improve your quality of life. I know it’s scary step to take but think of yourself. You are important. You matter. Please keep us posted. Thinking of you, Teresa xx