Advice needed.

I have PPMS and I am a full time carer for my partner. She is diagnosed with Dementia. Although I feel I can cope with the running of the home and daily chores . I feel I need a break from time to time just to look after myself and to get back to normality. She has two sons (50 ish) who both live 4 miles away. I just feel they could do a lot more to help but I dont know how it would be best to approach them for help. I dont think I should have to ask in the first place as they should be offering to help in some way. It`s not like they live miles away. To me it comes across as selfish. Yes they both have family to consider but this is your Mother ffs… She has helped them out in the past without hesitation. So where are they ?

One of their partners works for CAB. She knows the system inside out. Getting any info from her is like getting blood out of a stone. She will not offer any advice unless you go cap in hand.

Any help appreciated.

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i’m sure i’ve read that their are respite breaks available for carers.

Poll (Boudicca) probably knows about them.

carole x

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Scudger Perhaps the best thing to do is to contact your local authorities social services department for advice. Sorry I don’t know about respite breaks. Another thing you could do (you may already have done so) is to post on the carers forum as there are likely to be experts on there. Sue


Hi scudger I know where you are coming from my wife is disabled as well our family are as much use as a chocolate

Fireguard we have a lassie who comes in twice a week to do some house keeping who does more for us than the family

Son had a large bill for his car a few weeks ago witch he wanted us to pay I spree with Sue speak to social services .

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hiya its so blooming hard eh? and its complicated when it shouldnt be! family (which is impossible to define these days!) and basic values are getting lost in amongst selfishness and peoples own battles for survival. sadly u need to ask elsewhere as suggested. the problem then is theres so many others in the same boat. it scares me. am off to price up buying a robot! i really hope that you find a solution for you both. ellie

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Thankyou for your answers and advice.

The other issue Im dealing with is having a stairlift fitted. Once again the sons between them could just go out and buy one and that would be the end of it. We dont want to move and to be honest it is not necessary. If I had the money and my mum needed a stairlift I would provide one without hesitation or questions. At the moment we are going through the process of a grant which we qualify for but it is just so long winded and anything to delay it is put in place. We need it now not next year.

If we pay for one now it will be supplied and fitted by the end of next week. So a bit of a no brainer really.

What is their problem. Sure they have money for poxy cars, motorbikes and holidays but what about what really counts.

I really don`t know what to do.