Hi, I wanted some advice on care options. My mother in law has MS. she’s in a wheelchair, she can’t do anything for herself. Her husband has been her sole carer up to now as she’s refused any sort of help from outsiders. However, he is suffering ill health himself which I believe is worsened by the stress of it all. It’s just becoming impossible for him to care for her anymore and they are both miserable and hate each other at the moment. He doesn’t know where to start in looking at his options. Can anyone advise me on the help that would be available to them?
Hi
If she is under 65 he would get carers allowance, or if she is over 65 it is called attendance allowance. Also have they appplied for DLA or as it is now called PIP. Citizens advice would be able to help with form filling etc.
Would it be good for them to have carers calling in daily to help? If so ask social services adult team for a full assessment, this would include carers and any home adaptations that may help them both.
Hope this helps, wishing you all the best.
Pam x
Hi My dad had Parkinson’s and refused help from outsiders and my step mum, who cared for him, also had very ill health herself and was in a similar position. She got round it by getting help in for herself to take some of the pressure off her. Would her husband qualify for help himself? If your mother in law sees how much he needs help himself, she may come round to idea of help for herself. Sometimes tackling things from a different angle can help. Might be worth investigating hey? Good luck Mish x
Forgot to add… In the end he had to go in a care home because my step mum was just so exhausted because he was so demanding. It was not easy getting him in, as he wanted to stay at home but it was the only option for his and her safety, as he couldn’t care for himself and my step mum was just made to ill by it all.
Hello Anneu79
I don’t mean to sound awful but maybe a bit of honesty is called for. Can you and your husband just get together with his parents and sort things out. Just tell his mother that his dad is not coping and she has to accept help…end of story.
The sad thing is, that in situations like this, the carer is usually the one that struggles on…never reaching out. They end up dying before the person they were caring for.
I hope the situation gets resolved, so everyone is happy x
You need to contact adult social care at the local council for a care assessment. They will create a care plan and decisions can then be made about how to provide this care.
It is hard to accept help from stranger but if your mil needs it then she has to suck it up I’m afraid.