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Have you ever been so desperate

That you have thought sod it, and tried to bring on an attack? Being in limbo and just been told by Dr to wait and see what happens, which is ok for them to say but when you can no longer look after your children without help, each day being a struggle, dont want to go back to Dr’s again with a new symptom because your scared he will just tick the hypocondriact box again. I know that stress is not good for MS, but am at the top of the tree and so depressed, part of me thinks don’t have a good diet, have alcohol and do not rest, take immune boasting supplements. Maybe if something does happen they will have to listen to me and I will get the help I need, access to an MS nurse, drugs, a fee bus pass because I can not drive. I am on anti depressants and on a waiting list for CBT. Just can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. Had an MRI done without contrast, which was clear, told its not MS, but they don’t know what it is!

Hi Anonymous

Limboland is a horrible place to be in as not knowing what is wrong with you can be very scary and depressing. I understand all you have said, but personally think you really do need to look after yourself. If nothing else, your children need you to do this.

Please go back to your GP and ask for a referral to a counsellor as it seems to me that you may be getting very depressed with it all. And who can blame you, after all the loss of our own independence is something we all need help to come to terms with.

I am sure your GP will refer you to someone who can help you, and I wish you lots of love. Please look after yourself.

Paula xx

Hi Anonymous,

I do feel for you its a horrible place to be. Drinking alcohol will only make you feel even worse and more depressed. It is hard to get help these days but you can even without a diagnosis. You say you have children which makes it harder for you to get any rest. There is an organisation called Home Start who help families with young children . They will often sit with them and play or just offer support. Have you spoken to your Health Visitor she maybe able to give you some contacts. As Paula said your GP will also help. I had two young children when things started to go wrong. I also couldnt drive and had no family to help so know where you are coming from. I think to get a bus pass you need to be in receipt of dla but Im not sure on that but check with your local council. Lastly most areas have a carers group and they organise days out for children who have a parent who isnt well. I have just found this out as I still have a young child. Stay strong and talk to someone about how you are feeling. xx

Hi anon - I totally understand that temptation BUT… your body is going to do what it will do whatever the diagnosis.

Whether it is MS or whether it is something else you still need to learn to cope with the symptoms so that you can have a good life and give your children a good life and upbringing. Do you want your children to remember a childhood where mummy was depressed and sad with her illness all the time or a childhood where mummy was ill but did her jolly best to overcome her difficulties - imagine what a role model you will be to them if you can do this!

You can still have a good life with your illness. At the end of the day you are one of many patients the doctors see and they will not be going home wondering about you and nor will they be able to wave a magic wand and make you better if only they knew what it was - you are in charge of your life and only you can fight this fight with determination and strength. It’s hard, very hard when you are ill. But hard is not impossible and only you and your children will suffer if you become even more unwell; only you and your children will feel the joy if you manage to fight it and do all you can to be as well as possible.

What do you enjoy? Simple things like playing a game with the children, walking in the woods, going for an icecream etc etc can lift our mood if only we take that initial step. Then the symptoms somehow seem more manageable.

Please don’t drink to excess; please eat healthily. If you have MS this is the best you can do and better than any medication.

You can do this. xxx