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Funny quips from the past

I felt like posting some of the funny memories that pop in my head now and again. Feel free to put your son. I’m talking about the funny stuff family come out with( and yes, some are mine) here’s two I remember off the top of my head:

One evening , many years ago, at the dinner table, havin dinner. My brother says " At school, a hotdog is only a pound"

My Dad says to him " That’s because it ‘subsidised’"

My brother pipes up “No…it’s REAL sausage”

( How I laughed)

Another from the mental archives: Family are round for dinner, all sat round the table again and desert is being dished up (a huge trifle). So the trifle is put in dishes and passed round. When it got to me ( I was 7 at the time, that’s my excuse) I started eating the pudding. My Mum said " you should’ve passed that along, it’s ‘etiquette’"

I said “…but I want some etiquette too”

One that will always stick in my mind was when I bought my first house and Mum came with me to Asda to do my first shop, walking down the poultry aisle I said out loud to her " mum whats a basted chicken" sounded so wrong at the time but it certainley got a chuckle from some of the shoppers including my Mum

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Sorry if this is a bit rude …

My husband and I were giving up smoking.

One relaxed sunny Sunday afternoon pottering about the house and listening to a song called “Five-minute warning” by Mark Owen (when Take That had split up), I asked him “If it was the end of the world and we were given the five-minute warning, what would you do with your last 5 minutes?” expecting the answer to come back he would “have a cigarette”.

He replied “Have sex”.

“Oh”, I replied. “And what would you do with the remaining 3 minutes?” … (He, he I thought … that got him!)

“Phone you” he said.

Oh!

Emma x

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Sorry Emma the last bit made me laugh out loud,

Jan x

My late father-in-law, God bless him was always getting his words mixed up. I remember him coming back from having had a colonoscopy and him telling us they had found some “pollys” in his colon (Polyps)

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This wasn’t family, it was some good friends and some complete strangers, but I found it highly amusing. My husband and I used to do historical re-enactment and at one event, two members of the regiment, Viv and James, were playing Lord and Lady of the castle in a loosely scripted living history event. This involved Viv and James and their household being served the mid-day meal and eating it with members of the public watching. As they were eating, they could hear a member of the audience telling his small child “Look, Johnny, they’re putting real food in their mouths!” James remarked under his breath to Viv, and told the rest of us later, “What did he expect us to eat? Plastic?!”

At another event, we had a “soldiers camp” set up with a few tents, some off-duty soldiers lounging around or practicing their drill, a couple of women sewing and a couple of people cooking. The cooking including roasting a joint of beef on a spit over the fire. The public were able to wander round, look in a couple of the tents, ask us questions, have a go at some drill etc. One stopped by the fire and watched the cooks, then got up the courage to ask some questions: “What’s that?” “It’s a joint of beef.” “What are you doing to it?” “We’re cooking it.” “When you’ve cooked it, what are you going to do with it?” “We’re going to eat it - that’s our lunch.” “Oh.” I’m not sure what he expected us to eat, or what he thought we were cooking it for if not to eat!!

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I got my words in a muddle once. We were discussing problem areas in the local town years ago and I was giving my opinion on what was the new fad at the time. I said “I don’t know what makes them try snue gliffing anyway”. My brothers thought I’d been having a go, ha ha.

Tracey

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When something needed soldering in our house my mum said “it needs soddering”, she was rather prim so we daren’t point out her mistake.

Also one of my work mates many years ago in a frantic call to her home alone son said “you need to put a cold compost on it Kevin”, we found it very funny at the time.

Wendy x

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Haha, brilliant stories, gave me a good laugh. I’ve got a good ‘one liner’ that I was rather proud of :wink:

last week, With Hubby in the hospital waiting for him to have a wisdom tooth out. We’re in a curtained off bit of a ward and the nurse ( who had a brilliant sense of humour) is filling out the paper work. In one question, she asked my husband," is there any chance you could be pregnant?"

husband says “yes”

i said" but you said you were on the pill!"

i blame the above on the funny chemical smells that were hanging around, the three of us were in stitches :slight_smile:

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I’ve enjoyed reading the stories too Beverley, thanks for your posts.

Wendy x