How do you deal with a relative who means well but is driving you nuts?
I have a very domineering uncle who’s become quite protective of me since my dad died back in January. He’s the kind who won’t take “no” for an answer, so every conversation with him turns into a mild argument.
He’s done some helpful things for me, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him mad, but he’s starting to run roughshod over me and I’m reaching the boiling point.
The last straw was when he showed up today, with my aunt and mother, AFTER I’d told him over the phone that today was a bad day for me and I couldn’t do anything.
By the time they left 90 minutes later, he’d made the decision to come back in a week with his tractor, mower, and chainsaw and start clearing whatever he sees as useless junk. I’m going to have to shadow him non-stop to make sure he doesn’t destroy the things I want to keep (like wildflowers and raspberry brambles).
This is all going to be on his schedule, not mine, and it’s going to be extremely draining as I fight him every step of the way. We’ve already had several go-rounds as I’ve refused to let him mow my field, which is slowly filling with wildflowers and thistle.
Short of telling him to go away and not come back, how can I settle him down? My mother and aunt have both tried in vain, and I really don’t want to get in a shouting match over all this.
Difficult one. If you have already tried talking to this man, maybe he just won’t change. Can someone speak to him on your behalf?
I am glad you are on Nora’s Mum. I am find this new site too difficult to navigate. I can reply to you but I cannot post my own topic. Been in tears tonight over it.
I do wish people would be consulted first before things are changed. I am not daft but neither am I a computer wizard. But I do gave a neurological condition (!) that makes using ‘busy’ screen very difficult.
I don’t like this one bit. I stand by my original statement that none of the designers of this “new and improved” site have any firsthand MS experience. Sorry if I sound like sour grapes, but I came here in the first place because it’s the only one I found that was easy to navigate and friendly in all ways.
That said, the only way I’ve found to post anything is to click on one of the forum headings (“Everyday Living” in this case), make sure you’re signed on (which I have to do every single time I come on here), and then on the center right of the screen is a purple button showing “New Topic +”. Click on that, it’ll open a new window for you to write in.
And now that I’ve been on here just long enough to read your message and post a reply, I need to go away because it only takes that long for the eye pain to set in.
Thanks for your reply. I have done as you said many times. Written in the box, but then what do I press to send in a new topic? Easy to do on a reply. On the old site you pressed the Post button…
Tough one, some people really don’t listen. They might have a heart of gold and great intentions, but if they can’t tell when to back off it can be really difficult. If I can not make myself “heard” I have been known to write things down politely but clearly. When they engage their brain to read, it can be enough to slow the automated response and engage a better listening mode. Wishing you all the best with this. M
It seems that maybe my aunt has gotten through to him a bit. He’s still coming over on Monday, but he’s only (or so he says!) going to cut up some downed trees that are blocking the paths. I can live with that.
I’ve also swallowed my pride and begun using my riding mower to get around the property! I was able to set up two raised-bed kits by myself AND fill them with dirt. It just took multiple trips around the yard because I can only haul two bags of dirt at a time on the mower. This will give me a lot more freedom, although I do wish the mower was a bit quieter!
Tell him that he is further disabling you by doing things for you, yes you will ask for his WHEN needed, you have been grateful for all his help but you need to attempt to do things for yourself.
