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Feeling lost

HI there. I am no quiet sure what I want to say. Mid 50s male and I was diagnosed just over 4 years ago and so far am not too bad. I cope or at least I thought I was coping. I am or was in a long term (7 year) relationship. We are or were engaged and planned to live together this year. I love her and still do. But I think that I have lost my confidence and no longer know how to feel or think - I get easily scared and completely over react if I sense in any way that she perhaps doesnt care for me. I fear that 'over reaction' has now killed off the relationship and her love. The problem is I just dont know how to think or feel any more. The 'inner certainties/confidence'  such as they were before MS have gone and everything just seems so big and scary and impossible to see through. Do others find or have experienced this. How do you ever come to terms with it. I think I have been gamely carrying on trying to pretend all is ok whereas underneath it all I am lost,insecure, feel that my role and value as a partner has gone or rather that I cant provide a relationship.

 

Hi Peter and welcome,

It's coming to terms with what you have and it leaves you confused. Your partner has been with you for 7 years but you say you've known you've had this for 4 years. Has she known all along about your dx, have you spoken to her about it? I know it's not easy to bring the subject up but if you can tell her exactly how you feel it will most likely allay your fears. Just mention it bit by bit slowly. There are brochues you can get which you could show her to try and help her understand how you feel. If she has known all along then you must realise that she cares and you still have lots  to give. If you bottle up all your feelings it could well push her away from you and as you say you still love her, it's worth a try.

I wish you luck.

Janet

Hi Peter

I think in part you've answered your own question. If you don't think you've truly come to terms with ms yourself then what's to say that your partner hasn't? Does she know about it or have you kept it to yourself?

Talking about our emotions is hard enough to do at the best of times but I do think that you need to sit down and confide in your OH. If she isn't aware of your ms then there are publications available (both from this site and the ms trust) that can help you in explaining how you feel, what kind of symptoms you get and how they affect you. Talking can go a long way to setting things straight.

If you've been together for 7 years and you've been aware of your ms for 4 then clearly she must've noticed something even if you've not actually told her? Just having ms can put limitations on us - don't let it take away the one person who you love too.

Good luck

Debbie xx

Hi , i feel just like you do and i have had ms for 20 years,maybe asking to see a counseller would help i am going to see one soon, and i have seen one in the past, they help you put things into perspective,i have been with my other half for 12 years now, and he suffers with anxiety  and me having ms doesnt help him, i am feeling very numb at the moment, and thats scary,i feel like it would be easier if we split up,because i cant show much if any emotion at all.

 

jaki  xx

Hi Peter

You are coping with great deal and may be as jaki says a little help to come to terms with it all might be appropriate.

Your GP or MS nurse can refer you for counselling.

Good Luck!

Hi all and thanks.

She does know about my MS and knows all that MS is (and she gives me the weekly injection of Interferon) but I think you might be right. Its one thing to know and understand what MS is but another to comes to terms with your partner having MS and what it might mean in future for her and for us (with also sorts of alarming possibilites in the back of her mind). I do confide in her but I am thinking/worrying that every time I do that its just putting her face to face with a 'scary monster' that she wants to go away but which might become 'bigger' than her and, well, something she cant do anything about. I know it must be hard - I find it hard too. I dont know about you folks but if I am honest and take a step back, the MS at present  doesnt make that much difference to my life and how I feel (physically)  - or to put it in rather simplistic  ways, the actual physical effects so far are no worse than say having a bad hangover or having been ill from time to time. Its the fear of it, of not being able to do anything and of what might happen that is so very very scary. That and for me - a loss of self identity/confidence in myself and my 'worth' and this awful draining fear and doubt 'how can anyone love me now' .   Thanks for the suggestion about a counsellor - I should do that! 

 

Peter