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Feeling like a failure

Hi, I’m new to this group but unfortunately not to ms, I have RRMS and take fingolimod and Pregabalin. I had full Mobility up to about 6/7 months ago, now my feet cause so much pain i can hardly walk sometimes, I have 2 kids 11 and 7 and I feel like I’m letting them down not always being able to do everything with them, husbands is great but gets annoyed with me when I try to tell him how it makes me feel like a failure. Guess I just have to adjust to the new challenges.sorry for moaning.

Hello Rachel

Welcome to the forum. Pull up a chair, put your feet up and get comfy.

I’m sorry this miserable disease makes you feel like you’re failing. It’s hard just living a life, being a parent, part of a family.

Sadly husbands don’t tend to reply positively when we say ‘I’m sorry for being so cr@p’, ‘MS is sapping my energy’, ‘I wish I could do more’. They hear complaints rather than us feeling at fault for being so knackered all the time.

Wheras, you can moan or complain to us all day long and we’ll understand. Partly, because you can moan to us about fatigue, or pins and needles, or spasms, or just feeling like shIt. And we’ll get it because we’ve felt like that too.

I hope you start the new week feeling a little bit more positive.

Sue

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Hi Rachel, welcome to the group. There’s no need to apologise, we all know what it’s like!

Regarding feeling like a failure, something you may find helpful is to think about writing a job application or having a job interview, where you need to give examples of different strengths. Then use living with MS for your examples - the way you’ve shown adaptability and problem solving skills by having to change the way you do things, or demonstrating your strength of character by being resilient and being open & honest with others, etc.

When I did started thinking like that, it did make me feel more confident about myself.

Dan

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Hi Rachel, don’t feel like a failure, although i completely understand. I’m probably a little further down the failing mobility road then you. My kids are young teenagers now, but have had to live with me and crappy ms since they were very small. I got my mobility scooter when they were just a couple of years at primary, and although I was dreadfully embarrassed and ashamed at first, it was soon accepted by all, and enabled me to walk my kids to school and to take them to parks etc . Although it’s a faff taking scooter I can still go most places I need to. My kids are fine about that.

I do struggle with most daily activity, and my husband is fantastic at doing stuff, but he never has been, and never will be, any good at giving verbal support because he just doesn’t get it. Probably a man thing…no offence to any man please…my girlfriends do get it and can talk to me. They’re just not the ones I live with, and so, yes I feel like a failure leaving everything to him and it progressively gets worse. We do talk, but it seems like a one sided rant from me, and then just an OK from him. But if I suggest there’s places/people for him to talk to if he needs, he just goes ‘why?’. I try to do what I can but its getting less. I’m sure you’re husband understands, he just may not get that you need reassurance. I’m usually wrong though, take care

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Hi Rachel welcome to the fab forum.

Slug is spot on, especially as we females like reassurance which men really don’t get. They see logic & facts & problem solving …but not emotion. To them, I think, emotional reassurance isn’t a problem it’s ‘just a mood’.

Rachel, you’re a better wife and mum than you think. Look whawhatt you have achieved in spite of MS. Laugh loud x

Hi Rachel

If you fancied a challenge, how about learning to fly…?

Flying Scholarships for Disabled People is a charity that does exactly what it’s name says - gives scholarships for disabled people to learn to fly. I was lucky enough to be awarded a scholarship 4 years ago, and it was the most incredible thing I ever did. I never had any desire to learn. The reason I applied was for similar feelings to what you have. I always believed I’d never be able to achieve much, and that I wasn’t good enough. So I wanted to challenge those beliefs. And it really did! I have a lot more confidence now, and greater self belief (albeit a self belief that’s dependent on my faith in God).

The deadline for next year’s scholarships is in a month or so - http://www.fsdp.co.uk/. If anyone wants to ask me about it, send me a message .

Dan