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feel so guilty

I feel so bad that I phoned my husbands mental health team today and told him that I was having trouble coping. He has been deteriorating for months so is having regular contact with home treatment team . I was diagnosed with rims in June and find looking after him,house,working 3 days and behaving like everything is fine for our 16 year old daughter absolutely draining. I went to go recently and he has referred me for counselling but I feel so alone. T

T don’t feel bad for asking for help. It sounds like you’ve got more than your fair share to deal with. We all need help and support at certain times in our lives and there’s no shame in putting your hands up and saying ‘I’m done - just for now I need help’. It’s easier said than done though I know. But you’ve made the first step and I hope that you are heard and find the support you need. Take care of yourself and the rest will follow xx

Thanks Sunflower . girl in mental health team office said she would pass on my concerns and i know we missed a phone call earlier tonight. Just hope someone phones or calls out tomorrow so that i know they take me seriously . I need to feel they understand.

Theresa

Try not to feel bad, you have a lot to cope with. My husband has bipolar, I could write a book about the nightmare times we’ve gone through. NEVER feel guilty asking for help. Is there a local group you could join, with other carers who look after relatives with mental health problems…that may be of help to you. Have you been given a carers award, so you can pay for some pampering sessions maybe? take care of yourself

Hi Theresa

As sunflower said, you really don’t need to feel guilty. I know us Brits think we need to keep a stiff upper lip, or that feeling emotional & expressing any need is a sign of weakness and we should keep calm & carry on instead. But to be honest, I think that’s motstly a load of rubbish. I don’t think bottling things up will be doing your body any favours, and it’s really important to be able to let things out and find people to process this all with.

Just a thought, but I wonder if it’s worth letting your daughter in a bit on what’s going on. You may be behaving like everything’s fine, but it clearly isn’t, and kids can be very perceptive, so it wouldn’t surprise me if she knows that everything isn’t fine. And by not talking about stuff & trying to stay strong, it could give her the message that it’s bad to feel weak or to ask for help. Now, I’m no expert, and I don’t have kids, so someone with more knowledge & experience than me may well say I’m talking rubbish. So weigh that up as to whether you think it’s a good idea or not. And ask the mental health team whether they think it’s a good idea to let your daughter know a bit about how hard you’re finding things.

I hope you get the support you need though, and keep coming on here as much as you need to as well.

Dan