Feel like giving up but how ?

Everyday living
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I have really had enough ! 8 years I’ve had m.s but only started suffering badly December 14 , I went from working , married and my own home , to nothing , my marriage broke down , I lost my home , my job , my car and then came the symptoms , I have muddled through the last 16 months living with family , with no purpose in life .

i suffer daily symptoms now , brain fog , anxiety , weakness , fatigue , balance , tremors , eyesight , self catheterising , back pain , and all together these things prevent me from having a life .

i really can’t battle all these things for no purpose , I can feel it getting worse , no let up even for one day .

i just finished a five day course of methylprednisolone yesterday but feel awful , my eyesight is worse , everything feels amplified .

i probably had one week in the last year where I felt positive and at ease , it’s all gone now .

every day is a battle and I don’t see the point , there is no happy ending in sight .

i keep taking Gilenya , citalopram , mirtazipine , vit d , magnesium , b12 .

there is no respite , I want to leave this place .

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sorry gaz

the only thing i suggest is to contact your dr,/i find nurse today.

do it today . i find being proactive , even slightly, helps so talk to your health carer

good luck

colum

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I’ve tried being proactive , Thankyou for your reply , my life consists of existing now , not living .

i wake to struggle every day with no respite . My life is so empty .

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Gaz, why not give the MS helpline at the top of this page a call? Sometimes a damn good chat with someone who understands MS can make a lot of difference. A friendly voice… https://www.mssociety.org.uk/ms-resources/ms-your-mind-ms-helpline-here-you

Ben

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My problem is that I’m resentful of ms still , the long days are hard to fill , the brain fog and anxiety , over 12 months of not achieving anything , doing anything , my life now being empty , spending all day after 20 years of working to nothing , it cripples me every day .

i just don’t know how to get my head round it .

living with family and having no purpose in life is horrendous , so many symptoms , like I’ve said before I’ve had a few times when I’ve felt positive but they were short lived .

i feel like I’m stuck in a huge rut .

i cannot see a way out , it’s awful and hard to accept , the nothingness in my life is mentally debilitating .

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Hi gaz I don’t know really what I can say too help you feel any more positive I am sure all of us have gone through these thoughts and feelings I know I have , counselling helped me a bit but I still have very down days but I try too stay as positive as poss just as it helps my symptoms .

Please do and try and find someone you can talk too and try to work through your feelings.

Take care Katy

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Gaz

I totally get what you’re saying. MS is utter shit. And life with MS when you seem to have little else is crappy. But, we all end up making some kind of peace with MS, rather than being at war with it constantly. Maybe you need to have a think about the things you do still enjoy, whether it’s a good movie, or a book, or music, or friends. Those things don’t change, even with the physical and mental challenges that we face, there’s still a nice meal, maybe a glass or wine (or a pint). People with MS still manage to have friends and even find new relationships.

Life isn’t over because of MS. You just need to find your own way of handling the shitty thing.

Sue

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you need to go talk to someone about your resentment. honestly sitting around/laying around/which ever it is, does not help at all. you need to go talk to someone about your feelings who is qualified to deal with you. you also it seems need to find a hobby, something to take your mind off of the way you feel (there are things even a person tuck in bed can do). MS is crap, no denying that, but its not a death sentence. as cheesy as it sounds, MS is like anything in life, what you make of it. MS generally will not kill a person, make life crap yes, but its not a death sentence or worth killing yourself over. The steroids can cause all the symptoms you are feeling, and make them worse if they were already there. they can also mess with your head, make you more depressed/suicidal, which I know doesn’t help with the things you are feeling in your head right now (been there, done that). maybe a bit harsh with this comment, but it is true. if you take anything from this thread, go talk to someone about the way you are feeling, even if at first it is just a friend or GP

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hi Gaz, agree with all the comments and also with your perception of life with Ms = shit. Do whatever you can do and make the most of it! In my case: I’ve never been too keen on exercising, but always liked swimming. Ok, go swimming every morning! made some swimming friends with whom I regularly have coffee afterwards…, again for somebody not particularly sociable it takes some effort, but well worth it! As far as my work is concerned, I am (was?) an artist/painter. Have lost vision in one eye, but still got the other eye > carry on making work! maybe not the work I wanted to make but just heard I got into a forthcoming show + included in important residency…Ok, not the way I wanted my life, but getting too depressed about it, well that doesn’t help me, or anybody else…;-)))

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Mr Flinn, your situation is appalling it would seem and your frustration is palpable. But so too is your eloquence and intelligence.

Absolutely you feel like shite right now, but i have every confidence that you have the mental strength and dexterity to fight your way through your current situation, and yes, please, never forget, this is a phucking FIGHT.

You are indeed in a rut but that is all. MS is a joke, not a ‘funny ha ha’ kind of joke, but a malicious ‘fart under the duvet’ kind of prank. There are no guarantees and it is variable and unpredictable. But by its very nature, it does have the capacity to get better as well as worse.

When the fight become protracted it can be draining and then seemingly hopeless. But i would suggest that you only need a ‘time out’; it is not yet ‘game over’.

The measure of one’s character comes during the worst of times, not when everything is rainbows and cherry blossoms. So give yourself a breather by whatever means are available and then start pushing back. Bollocks to anyone or anything that tells you “you can’t”, especially when it’s yourself.

The abso-bloody-lutely best of luck to you!

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Hi Gaz

I think we can all relate to feeling like that some days; what’s the use of anything? Why am I half killing myself just dragging myself out of bed in the morning, going to work and trying not to make a muck of anything? But I have dug my heels in now… this bloody thing isn’t going to take me without a fight! Keep fighting… we’ll kick its a*** eventually! Best of luck with the ‘fart under the duvet’ (as it shall henceforth be known!)

Fracastorius (Jane)

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Gaz we are all involved in your story now on this forum, there are many that have felt at times the way that you do. Ok, some of us don’t have it as bad as you but a lot feel like they have loved and lost in many ways. I can’t promise you that everything will be all right, but you can with the right support make it a lot better than it is.

Do as other threaders have said speak to someone, don’t let ms beat you. You need to look for something that will give your life purpose again. Maybe your focus for now can be this forum, perhaps you will read something that someone else does that will help you to take heart.

We are not here to judge, but we are here to listen, and judging by the responses that is exactly what is happening.

Stay strong Gaz!

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Sorry, the link I posted above doesn’t work.

Here is the correct link…

Ben

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Hi gf (that stands for ‘Gazz Flynn’ btw, not ‘girlfriend’… )

Please forgive my levity. I candidly join those above in expressing real concern that you feel like that. As I’ve posted before, Richard Pryor said MS stands for ‘More Shit’.

You are hopefully listening to the myriad of excellent reasons for not making an irreversible decision… one thing to do is to phone the doctor as it really sounds like your meds aren’t working as they should/could/would. There’s got to be a song in that…

Genuinely please take care, fluffyollie

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Hi Gaz

You sound as though you are struggling. If you need someone to listen, anytime, please remember the Samaritans - 116 123

This is a new number - free and it doesn’t show up on the bill. You can also email jo@samaritans.org

They’ve helped me before.

Though it might not feel like it right now, you are valuable beyond measure.

Take care

Rebecca

x

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Hi,Gaz don’t give in to the ms i have been struggling for the past thirty years but i am still not letting it beat me.Iturned 65 in march went to cambodia for a month to see my son every one said i should’nt go but i ignored them.It was hard at times but glad i did it so just keep thinking of things you can do how ever small.take care Joan

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Hi Gaz

Just wondering how you are feeling.

I have had steroids a few times since diagnosis and remember the awful feelings that you describe. It turned me into a real mess. I accused my husband of having an affair and was paranoid about lots of things. I upset a lot of people close to me who I really love.

I promise you that these feelings subside after a few days and you will be rid of these horrible feelings soon.

Like Val says we are all here for you so talk to us whenever you need to until the feelings disappear.

(((Hugs)))

H xxx

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