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family problems !!!!

I really cant take any more stress, but why dont my family realise this, i am sat here typing this shaking so much and feel that ill i dont know what to do,my 22 yr old daughter is a nightmare,very selfish,and she expects me to look after my grandaughter when she comes,she is on her phone all the time, so i have to watch a very active 2 and a half yr old, i have bad balance and can hardly stand,but she watches me struggle and does nothing,then she swears at me when i tell her its just too much,and she should understand, shes not nice at all,shes splitting with her boyfriend and has nowhere to live, i cant have her back here as it really will finish me off,we were going to help her with a £1300 for a bond and one months rent on a rented house,but decided against it as they also wanted us to act as her guarentor,(sp) but i wont because if she doenst pay the rent then i will have to,when i told her this she said i shouldnt have got her hopes even to consider it,so again my fault,i havent been well for months now,and this on top is just too much for me to bear.i wish i could go to sleep and never wake up,because i can see no end to all this i really cant .

J x

Time for tough love Mrs J… and believe me I know how hard that is.

She is not a child. She decided to have a baby (and let’s face it, these days it IS a choice). She has decided to leave her boyfriend. It’s time she grew up.

You are going to have to stand up to her and tell her that you cannot look after her child anymore as you’re too ill. If she wants to leave her boyfriend she’ll have to work out somewhere to live.

You have to be firm… although she’ll use all the emotional blackmail going… along with tears and your grandchild!!! But stay firm.

She’s being a selfish little brat and it’s about time she grew up. You should tell her that… and then tell her firmly to go and sort her own problems out.

I know it’s hard. I once turned my back on my son as he was evicted from his flat… BUT they have to learn that they are grown up people and they have to stand on their own two feet (btw he’s 43 now, married, a father, a good job & very responsible).

Unless you stand up to her she will continue being like this and will never learn how to be a responsible adult.

Good luck. Stay strong. Tough love!

Pat xx

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Hi mrs j,

We are going through something similar at the moment. My oldest daughter split with her partner 3 years ago, they have a 5 year old together. It’s a long complicated story but I think she will be asking to move in with us.

She is in a catch 22 situation can’t get a council house because she has a mortgage but can’t sell the house because he won’t sell and he can’t get a mortgage on his own.

We are at a loss what to do been to a solicitor but he wasn’t much help. She went to our MP the other week and he is trying to help so we will just have to wait and see.

I just want it all sorted its been going on too long.

It doesn’t matter how old they are, you never stop worrying. I think my thyroid pills must be starting to work as I am a lot calmer this week.

Hang on in there mrs J I’m sure things will sort themselves out.

Stay strong.

Mags xx

Thanks Pat an Mags,

Pat …believe me i do tell her that shes a spoilt brat ,and she needs to grow up and she just tells me to F**k off,she wont listen to a word i say she never has done,my son hes 38 is so very different to her, hes kind and treats me with respect,dont get me wrong he gave me grief when he was a teenager,but he would never swear at me,but my daughter as never had respect for me,dont think she ever will,i have told her til i am blue in the face that i am not up to looking after my little grandaughter,it just doesnt sink in,my partner has tried telling her i am too ill for it,and my son has too,its like shes in denial.

Pat i have just emailed my local MP,just hope he can help us both.

I have only just calmed down.

J x

sorry meant to say to Mags i hope he can help us both.my brains tired lol.

x

Hi mrsJ. I truly hope this resolves for you soon, in one way or another most of us parents have been through hell with our offspring. It’s bad enough when we are faced with their problems but no one should have to put up with abuse, albeit verbal in your case.

Thinking about you, I’m glad you have a supportive partner.

Jan x

Hello Mrs J,

This make me feel like crying…you love her so much but she treats you so badly, …sometime we can be too kind, she’s probably very sad and worried but that doesn’t mean it right for her to treat you so badly, theres no excuse for it…Pat gives such good advice, I think you need to draw a line in the sand perhaps get some moral support from a good friend or relative and tell her that you love her and are trying your best but that this kind of behaviour is completely unacceptable. Please Mrs J be strong, when we are ill it makes us so vulnerable, I’ve had a hell of a week (last week) Lee was away and unfortunately because i’m naturally a softy I can be taken advantage of …Ben has aspergers and wasn’t coping and I felt completely flattened, you know we have to feel worth something to stand for ourselves . its not right for her to bully you…yes thats what it is bullying! even when they don’t mean it.

Well done for writing to the MP

Take care and hang on in there.

Love Michelle x

Thanks Michelle,kind of you to reply,when you have so much to cope with yourself,i got a reply from the MP and theres nothing he can do,so dont know what shes going to do,i have to take a step back because i honestly feel like its killing me,it makes me so angry because i have been able to cope with most things in my life,but this is too much it really is,i think its because i am not well to start with,so this on top is just too much.

J x

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Thinking of you J. I just don’t know what else you can do.

Pat xx

Thanks Pat, my head hurts with thinking about it all the time.

J x

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Pat is right - its time for tough love. All the time they think they can sit back and let bank of Mum - or dad - help them out - the less they do for themselves.

And as for swearing at you - Tell her to go - and not come back until she can act with respect and common decency to her mum.

Whether you are ill - or not - this behaviour is not acceptable. lts nothing less then bullying.

And as for these damn mobile phones. lt is as if they have been ‘grafted’ on to their hands. l went out to local pub for a meal - last friday - and on the table next to us was a couple with their young daughter - about 11yrs old. All three of them sat tapping and swiping at their phones the whole of the time. No interacting with one another.

That’s another rule you can make - and it is your home - no using the phone when she is in your house. Put a sign on the door for her to read before she comes in - if she does! No swearing - and No mobile phones.

Take charge.

i know what you mean i hate mobile phones, my little grandaughter has a speech delay and i think its because neither her mum or dad talk that much to her, they laugh at me when i say i am sure thats the reason why shes not talking yet, social skills are becoming a thing of the past.i do tell her that she hasnt to use it when she comes to mine,but she always does,i am too worn out to argue with her all the time though,i feel that weak its taking me all my time to just b*y breathe,and get to the toilet.i used to be such a strong person too. i make no wonder she takes the p

Oh Mrs J what an awful situation, but there definitely is no need for your daughter to swear at you, nor should she be making your life more difficult than it is.

I know its hard to stay strong when you have a debilitating illness, but please try and put your foot down, sounds like she has taken advantage for too long, but tough love is needed now.

Thinking of you ((((hugs))))

Pam x

Mrs J, a few years back I had a medical appointment for something or other, anyway they asked me to wait in the waiting room for the child speech therapist. There were half a dozen parents in there with young children and while I sat there, for about 20 minutes, hardly a word was spoken!!!

I thought no wonder they are here for speech therapy! These children were not much more than toddlers and both they and their parents were silent!

Hang on in there. When I look back to my teens and twenties I realise now that I had very little time for my mother (although admittedly she didn’t have a chronic illness) but I look back on that time now with great regret. Basically I was self-obsessed. I have changed no end since then but that sense of regret will be with me for life.

Your daughter will change too. She needs to experience some hard lessons in life… and no doubt she will. The University Of Life is just waiting round the corner.

Pat xx

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Hugs from Margate (((())))

Don

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I’m so sorry you’re having such a rotten time Mrs J. There’s nothing worse than emotional problems to send your MS into overdrive.

I’m sure she will grow up and realise how terribly she treated you but in the meantime perhaps when she comes you could just tell her you’re too ill today and you have to go to bed?

thinking of you and sending huge hugs,

Nina x

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Hi Don, and Nina thanks for the ((hugs))

things have calmed down a little,but thats what happens,it calms down a bit, then its hell on earth again within days,

we have told her to only came when my partners at home,because shes worse when hes not here.

also Thanks to all of you lovely people on here,you help me more than you will ever know,love you all .

J x

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Jackie you are so right,but i have never been able to put myself first,dont think i ever will.

J x

Hi Mrs J so sorry to hear your problems with your daughter I’ve had plenty of trouble with my 30 year old daughter but she has never resorted to verbal abuse.She left her abusive partner last year (on her fathers birthday) within 3 hours she was moved lock stock and two cats back home and shoehorned back into our lives with the debts he had left her with. He tried to run me over in the village and reckons it was our fault he was evicted it had nothing to do with him not paying his rent!!! Belive me your daughter will one day realise what a b***h she has been to you and her daughter will treat her in the same way because she is her role model so what goes around will come around. You have to think of you first, thinking of you sue

Why do these men blame everyone but themselves for their predicament? My daughters ex is exactly the same he always has a " poor me" attitude. That’s how they got together she has always feels sorry for people who think they are hard done by.

I have to bite my tongue every time my granddaughter goes on about her “wonderful daddy”. One day it will dawn on her what a waste of space he is. And breathe!!!

Mags xx

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