dvice needed

Caring for someone with MS
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Hi everyone, I am new to the forum.
My partner was diagnosed with Ms back in 2013 although it is believed he may have had it 10 years before (started with a painful migraine and was paralysed down his right side). Up until his diagnosis he would and could do anything and now there’s not a lot he can do. He has too manually lift his right leg for example getting into a car because he can’t bend it and that leg just gets dragged along when he uses his walking stick. We have been together for 13 years (never lived together, but live walking distance) and obviously since 2013 it has become a bit of a life changer for both of us, more so for him. I work part time and am a mother (not his children) . He has had a lot of trouble with his bowels, (taking laxido and other medication to help bowel movement) he has a persistent pain in his right side. Does anyone else have this problem? (He has had a few accidents not getting to the toilet)
Just recently I’ve had to start cooking his evening meals at his flat which is fine but it’s difficult knowing what to cook for him, he is a fussy person.

Would be grateful for some tips

Stay safe

2

Hi,
I hope you are not trying to cope on your own. Your partner needs the support of friends, family & medical professionals. Hopefully the medical professionals are aware of the conditions and available support options. I have to manually lift my leg in and out of cars, luckily I can grab a sock or trouser to shift the awkward limb. If this is too difficult there are thing that look like stiff dog leads which have a stirrup one end and a grip on the other, these can be found in shops online. My problems with continence are greatly helped by using a Peristeen system which enables me to have a high degree of confidence that there will be no accidents. I use a combination of paracetamol and physio to help with my hip discomfort. As for what to cook I can not suggest anything beyond teaching him how to cook.
If you need more detail use the private message function. It is not a great idea to post commercial links on these threads.
Good luck
Mick

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Recently i have had the worse issues with this. I did do some reading and someone suggested GLYCERINE SUPPOSITORIES.

They are totally safe and easy to use. so well i mentioned it to my doctor and she said yes to go ahead as they were a natural way.

It has been a BLESSING really. In actually fact seemed to have helped me to go on my own more easily. They are gentle and not like normal suppositories this is totally natural.

I wont take meds for it as i dont want to train my digestive system to be lazy.

I do eat a lot of frut and veg lol, and now prunes, which do help as well. He really should not have pain in his right side, has this been checked by doctor?

you say he has had a few accidents not getting to the toilet? is that bowel or urine? I also would recommend he sees an incontinence nurse.

As to cooking for him. I cant say much my old man was a nightmare lol. I found it was just as easy to make what he wanted to eat. OR you could contact your social services adult team and see if he is elegible for meals on wheels. they are not like they were in the past. I have had them, the meals are not bad. OR there are a lot of companies now who sell frozen meals for people, like Cape & Hartley, Whiltshire Farms, and Oakhouse foods. all the meals are pretty good and not over priced.

Is it totally impossible for him to make his own meals or at least some?

You can buy a device to help him lift his leg up. I have one it wasnt expensive, and if i am tired i can use it to lift my leg up onto the bed. my trouble is its my left leg which isnt working right. Get referall to orthotics they may be able to fit him with a brace. I went but it was no use for me, as my brain literally wasnt telling my leg to lift up so my left leg was dragging along the ground and my strong right was supporting it. I try to keep my right side strong. HEY between us we have perfect sides of the body :grinning:

I have electric wheelchair as i cant walk but a few metres, and a rollator in the house.

Has he got PIP?

Its kind of cool to read you have supported him through this for 13 years, but i will say one thing, he needs to learn also to support himself. I kind of let my husband do a lot of things for me when he was alive and suddenly he died in 2017 without warning, and it left me in a bit of a mess emotionally and physically. Now i try to do as much as i can on my own, i have had to support to this and my friend is always at the end of a phone if i need help. Hope that makes sense.

Also has he a careline or device to contact someone in an emergency if he falls? I have a phone careline and can use it anywhere inside and out.

I hope the above helps.

Oh and welcome. Sadly. xxx

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No real advice but to stress that he needs to be able to do some things for himself. Long-time partners or not, you don’t live together and can’t be expected to provide for all of his needs.

I’m American, so maybe I’m assuming too much, but if he can use a microwave there are many foods that can be “cooked” in it without expending much effort. These range from elaborate frozen dinners to just soups and stews dumped out of a can and into a bowl. I do very little actual cooking, but I eat well, and careful shopping keeps me from breaking the bank.

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Hi NM me too. i dont even own a cooker lol. I use a halogen table top for anything that might need to be cooked or wouold have in a cooker. actually its kept on a trolley so its more on line with my body and i dont have to stretch. It works great. I have 2 microwaves incase one doesnt work.

I eat a lot of cold healthy salads too. I have bought myself some whizzy things to cut salad stuff with very little effort. Its a manual chopper you can chop, tomatoes, beetroots, olives anything really, and i use it for lettuce as well. I had issue with teeth (non) so have to eat a lot of stuff that is small lol. I lost my teeth down to a rare auto immune attack on my gums and cant wear my substitutes but i get by fine. I eat very healthy. I dont boil things, or fry which is good anyway.

I bought one of these. in the uk cost me £7.00.

chopper
chopper1029×769 406 KB

actually perhaps soup could be made in a large flask and popped over in the morning. I only boil one kettle as the water goes into a flask. I put the flask in the sink, and i have a small kettle and pour the water into the flask (i always spill hence sink lol) and my flask is there for my morning later coffee.

before my hubby would make it for me.

I have a slow cooker too. wow anyone can use one. bung it all in and shove a sauce on top (shop bought), turn it on and leave it. Only problem is it can be hot and steamy so caution is advised. but i dont have to lift it as it stays in its place, and my care lady comes and she cleans it out.

I have a male friend i chat too who has MS and he will literally sit and pee himself rather then try and get up to the toilet. I told him if he was that bad get a nappy on, or see incontinence nurse. OR put a commode by his chair. really I think the more you want help the worse it makes us become disabled. IMHO. I mean i have a commode by my bed i am not allowed to walk to toilet at night its deemed too dangerous. I dont mind using it, no shame in it for me. its a means to an end. I have even learnt how to empty it myself. the portable potty can go on my rollator carefully lol and i can just about empty it with spilling. (hum i have at times lol but not much).

I find it quite challenging to find ways to deal with my life for myself since i lost my hubby. I am not wheelchair bound yet but getting there. I am outside but so far with my rollator i can just get around my bungalow on my own but have to rest even then.

xxx

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Hi Crazy Chick

Thank you for your reply.

He does use suppositories when he needs them but, not long after he has opened his bowels the pain comes back. He has had to have the district nurse in before to give him an enema (this was done everyday for a week). As he kindly reminds me quite often you don’t know how I feel you haven’t got Ms (obviously) I hate to see him struggling but there is only so much that I can do.

He is able to do a bit of laundry, feed his cat, change her litter but he tells me that he can’t stand up for long in his tiny kitchen to prepare and cook his meals (he can definitely use a microwave, but he won’t eat microwave meals).

Before the first lock down we got out when we could and he would slowly use his staris (currently living in a first floor flat) and with the aid of his stick would walk to his car, now he doesn’t use the stairs very often at all. I don’t want to sound cruel but he has become lazy and relies on me to do everything for him.

Mogwei

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Hi Mogace

His family have helped in the past but they also have their own problems to deal with and they all live further away. What I did forget to mention was he had two stents fitted (for his heart) 2019 new years eve so that’s another thing I have to consider when cooking for him. He has a leg brace which he wears 24/7, and has a wheelchair if urgently needed if we are out and he is too tired.

Mogwei

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Please excuse my thoughtless response about cooking. I have no idea about the detailed circumstances. I think the responses from others were more considered.Wishing you both al the best.
M

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@Mogwi yes sadly i think he relys on you too much. so he can use a microwave but wont eat the meals. well i would starve if i had that attitude lol. I eat actually very healthy meals from some supermarkets and some companies.

I always make sure they are healthy. Again not being funny if he can change cat litter he can bend down. why doesnt he got a small style rollator with a seat so he can sit in his kitchen? If he has gotten worse he can apply for rehome through council into a downstairs property. Is he driving then?

He seems overall to be able to do more then I can, and to be brutally honest your too good a person. You hate to see him struggling but from what you say a lot of it is from his own making.

why is he getting a pain still? I use the glycerine suppositories as they are natural, and work very well and dont cause discomfortant.

by the way my bungalow is not huge, my kitchen isnt either. Yet i manage to use microwaves and my halogen as i sit down when they are working. xxxx

I think he is suffering from covid depression. Has he had an assessment from Adult social services team, as they can do an assessment and even help him get moved. x

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Talk to his doctor. Stiffness can be treated with Baclofen.

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Hi All

It’s been a while since i last posted so this might be a long post.

Up until Monday 21 October 2024 i was still with my partner of 16 years, running around for him and basically doing everything. He has always started arguments because he feels that i didn’t do enough for him and this particular day he was on one because i hadn’t called him (told him many times beforehand that i had a Dr’s appointment). I’ve lost count how many time’s I’ve walked out because of his behaviour. I told him the last time he put his hands on me would be the last time. I have blocked his number but i am getting text alerts he has been calling/texting me.

For the last year i have been cooking and eating with him on his request (i was made homeless last June but luckily was able to stay at my sons until i was rehomed) but never happy what i cooked. On top of that he wanted me to do his wash-outs because he is still having bowel problems.

He started smoking weed a few years back to help with the electric shocks (one a night before bed) but i think it has sent him round the bend. He has terrible outbursts of anger to everyone (elderly parents ,family, friends and me) who doesn’t do what he wants its actually shocking how bad he has become.
Has anybody else experienced this awful behaviour?

Thanks

Mogwi