Scottish Wedding
At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled…
“Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has
made your life worth living.”
The bartender was almost crushed to death.
SEX
Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore.
A friend of mine was
wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.
Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance
Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France
races, while on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn’t even find my efin’ bike.
Drive By
A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my
TV, just the remote.
Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick bstrd!!
The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time
ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend.
He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked
- —You’re supposed to turn your clock back".
SCAM
Just got scammed out
of £25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled “My Favourite 18 Holes”.
Turns out it’s about golf. Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so
others don’t get scammed.
Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, “do you
know who the father is?”
“For pities sake, if you ate a can of beans would you
know which bean made you f*rt?”