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Some light relief

Scottish Wedding
At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled…
“Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.”
The bartender was almost crushed to death.

Sex
Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore …… A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

New Book
A man goes into Chapters and asks the young lady assistant, “Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?”
She replies, “I’m not sure if it’s in yet.”

“That’s the one; I’ll take a copy…”

Poor Lance Armstrong -

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn’t even find my bloody bike.

Drive By

A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels.
Sick Bstrd!!

The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, “You better get your hearing checked - You’re supposed to turn your clock back”.

So True

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself.

The Moral of the story:

In life, no one helps you once you’ve been f@#ked.

Pregnant Prostitute

Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, “do you know who the father is?”
“For f… sakes ,if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?”

Sex Research (could be handy)
If sex with 3 people is called a threesome and sex with 2 people is a twosome, now I understand why they call you handsome!

EASYJET
Paddy calls EASYJET to book a flight.
The operator asks, “How many people are flying with you?”
Paddy replies "I don’t know! It’s your bloody plane. "

Lol, they’re brilliant x

Lol, they’re brilliant x

Thank you so much JBK you have made me smile after such an awful few days. Lets have some more smile inducing stories.

Fantastic JBK. I love a post that makes me shout with laughter. I needed that! Jane xx

JBK -We need more of these.

A couple were trying to reset the password on the computer. The man types in mypenis, the woman falls on the floor laughing when the computer says “error not long enough”.

A blonde, brunette and redhead are in the desert. They find a lamp, give it a rub and a genie appears granting them a wish each. The redhead wishes to be home - whoosh and she is home. The brunette wishes to be with her family - whoosh she is back with her loved ones. The blonde says “awwwwww I wish my friends were here”.

Lol very good x