Oh here goes. So. I was told by GP last week that my pain and dwindling mobility - buzzing and all that other stuff is a result of my mental illness. i could feel myself drowning as the words couldn’t form themselves into something that would convince him that it isn’t all in my head. "yes, the pain will seem real to you and it is real but it is probably part of your depression. (vigorous rubbing of his nose during this “explanation”) My sister had wanted to come to the docs again. I didn’t want to go - I hate them. God forgive me but i do. If you knew what I had been through then you would perhaps understand why I hate them. This particular wound is still raw so maybe i will revert back to begrudging resentment in time. In a “nice” way he was saying it is all in my head. i actually thought i would check and give his “diagnosis” a fair chance as my authenticity as a human being crawled into a dark corner with shame and sheer frustration. I could only find an article on the internet stating that “too many times people with mental illness with unexplained physical ailments are labelled as “acting out” their mental illness”. I feel sick when I realize they actually believe this. Surely a fondness of visiting doctors’ would be indicative of that “modus operandi”. Through all my own research and the one physical manifestation testing positive “fasciculations”. I think I understand. Fibromyalgia has also been rules out (during said visit); with the necessary prods and pokes at my person resulting in a negative jackpot. So folks. This particular fantasizing hypochondriac is turning the stone of the core of everything I know and my own intuition towards you guys in this niche. All the sighs and signs from my first run of neurological tests are over. I know there will be more. I know what is happening to my body. All the negative tests have brought me closer. They only see the mental illness that I have and the medication that I take. They don’t know me - or my former life. My uncle in Canada had PPMS. It started with his legs and so has my “fantasy illness”. My legs are now about 28% in strength and I’m only 42. I once ran my own gardening business. I can no longer walk my dog for more than a 100 yards without exhaustion ensuing. I was amazed to find that the neurologist didn’t really seem to care about the palpable changes in my physical life. The things which have been huge to me - seemed irrelevant to her. So I’m going to be brave. I’m going to put my money on the table. I’m going to go with what i believe in my heart and spirit and what indicators and blessings of knowledge have been given to me. I;m going to listen to my heart. I believe I have what my uncle had. In my heart - I know it. So I’m cast adrift and on my own. Until i can’t walk anymore. Family have said we will go to casualty if and when that happens - or whatever happens. In the meantime my friend has given me a “helping hand” stick to help with things around the house as I can’t bend down without an enormous effort. I make my breakfast now at night - because the mornings are slow. I can’t shower anymore but kneel down and wash myself in the sink. A lot of other stuff that isn’t “clinically significant”. So can I say - Doctors are a*********s. I’ve never met such a bunch of judgmental and superficial snobs in my life. I’ll never go to my GP again - at least that is sorted. But who knows who I might bump into at casualty - if I have to go there. God willing it will be a long time. Someone who doesn’t label me as simply a mentally ill attention seeker. Someone human and with enough grace to see the pain that is now engraved upon my face. God help those less fortunate than me. At least I’ve had my first run of tests. As my dad always said: “there’s always someone out there much worse off than you are.” Time reveals all but I don’t have to wait for their authentication anymore. you don’t have to talk to me or acknowledge my words if you dismiss my experiences. But I’m here. Somehow. God forgive me if I’m wrong. thank you for taking the time to listen. I can’t do this on my own. I need your help. So I’m hoping you won’t reject me or turn me away. robert.
Sorry. I got the wrong title and forgot to delete it. Doh!
What tite did you want and I’ll fix it. Liz [Moderator]
Hi Robert Sorry to hear you are having an awful time with your doctor. He doesn’t sound very sympathetic. They often blame mental illness for things they can’t diagnose easily and I think MS is often difficult to diagnose. Have you had all the tests for MS? MRI, delayed potentials etc. It maybe worth changing your GP and asking for another Neurologist. I know sometimes we just want to forget all the hassle but you’ll feel much better after a diagnosis. Keep well. Lynne xx
Hi Robert, Firstly don’t beat yourself up about this. I too have been diagnosed with mental illness I take Olanzapine for it which makes me feel better. My mental illness is called organic psychosis this means that it is the MS that is causing it i.e. where my lesions are in the brain. Funny but my neuro after looking at my CT Scan and MRI was expecting this. You can google it if that helps you ppl who have alzeimers get it as well indeed anything in the brain. Olanzapine did take away a lot of my other symptoms I used to shake all the time but now I don’t. I would sweat for no reason too but don’t now. Hope this helps MM
Hi robert! Doctors (GP’s in particuar suck) when my first symptoms of MS started, the doctor said ‘its all in your head’. Had to get a second opinion from another gp, who got me MRI scanned and an appointment with a neuro, leading to the diagnosis of MS. Gp’sdont know much about MS! (I have suffered with mental health issues since i was 13). Try and find a better gp who actually knows what theyre talking about! Good luck hon, Clare x
thank you clare. That is good advice and it makes sense. When I can think of doing all this again - it will be with new gp etc… i can’t go back to them. I hope things are going well for you. all the best# robert