Hello again everyone,
A little background, I was diagnosed with MS just before Christmas, December 2020, after having a few (what I now know to be) relapses last year. From my medical history, I’ve been told I’ve probably had it 20-30 years though MS was never mentioned once until last year so it all came as a bit of a shock.
I haven’t been on the board since January, at that time I had moved through various emotions, from initial anger, to fear, to upset, to feeling numb, to eventually being pragmatic and accepting (or so I thought). I started on Steriods early January but unfortunately on day 4 of the steroids I started getting Covid Symptoms and was tested positive, I was floored by Covid for just over 3 weeks before I began to recover.
Probably because of Covid, I never felt any gains from the Steroids really, like I was told I would. Then in March I started Tysabri and I have my 3rd infusion next week. I don’t feel any different, I’m still tired, a lot, I still have burning feet, leg cramps and shocks, I’m still not sleeping well and I still feel like an old woman with stiff legs most mornings!
My question to you all … Do/have you reacted differently to your symptoms since being diagnosed? … is because I am strugling right now, I feel that my whole life (I can trace symptoms back to the age of 27, I’m now 54) I have dealt with a variety of symptoms with very few answers from the Doctors, or having them attributed to other issues, like hypothyroidism, pregnancy, child birth, generally ‘being a woman’!, the menopause, ulnar nerve, a bulging disc, my weight, etc. So being a busy working single mum, I just had to suck it up and ‘deal with it’. So I did, I pushed on with my life, sometimes feeling like I was wading through treacle, often in pain, and even though I sometimes cried myself to sleep at night, for the most part I got up every morning, pushed aside any thoughts of what could be wrong, what pain I was in and got on with my days/life for the kids.
So WHY, since my diagnosis, am I now struggling to do that? I managed to do it for 20+ years, so why now can I not get out of bed some mornings? Why does the pain feel so much worse this past few months? Why am I so low? Why now, instead of facing the day and fighting for life like I used to, am I giving in to this and pulling the covers back over me instead? Is it a thing, like a psychological thing, that some people just give in to it and stop fighting? Am I just tired of fighting? Is it because I have found out all this is an incurable disease? Have I lost hope? Urgh! I really dislike myself right now and how I am feeling.
Can anyone help?