Reading posts and depression being mentioned I thought hmm how do you know if your depressed.

can remember few years ago as I won’t go there anymore at Hillingdon Hospital Endocrine some

woman said while I’m waiting would I like to fill in a questionaire about how my illness affects me etc.

Well I had no network down there so I filled it in, A week later I get a call and some woman said based on my answers I was suffering Anxiety etc and would I like to talk about it and make an appointment to come in.

Well I was young back then o_O and a bit more mouthy so I told her 'what was giving me anxiety wasn’t my condition

but being told to come into Endocrine for 2:45pm and its now 4pm and the usual please don’t ring me again’

I know depression can cause fatigue and boy do I get fatigue 200mg of Modafinl does nothing but a few shots

of JD does lol.

So seriously how do you feel with depression? i tried googling it and some sites said I have it but hey I’m fine.

It affects different people in slightly different ways

Churchill called it ‘the black dog’

Spike Milligan (I think)

described it as

"You are in bed and someone rings the doorbell. You get up to answer the door.

You wrap the duvet round you and start to go towards the door,

but as you try to go forward,

it is as if someone is standing on the end of the duvet

and stopping you going forward".

Some say:

it is as if all the colour has disappeared from the world and everything is grey; there is no longer any joy in the world;

it is as if you are in a dark tunnel and there is no light at the end of that tunnel

It is like a ‘cancerous’ fog that takes over your life, saps you of all hope and energy, leaves you lonely, despondent

maybe angry and leaves darkness and low self esteem in it’s wake.

Not a happy subject but a very common illness.


Hmm, well we all get lonely and its alot easier getting that way when your single and two degus don’t really cut it.

Anyway was atg GP today and she brought it up and asked various questions which I thought was a bit odd.

I guess she was just looking out for me, shes pretty cool but never thought about it really before.

I personally think I am to mouthy etc to get it and always thought its the quiet ones who suffer from depression

maybe I’m stereo typing.

Cheers for reply anyway Verona.

I would say that depression is a very personal thing. A lot of my family suffer from depression and they none of them act the same way. Avoiding social interaction, overdoing social interaction, not eating, eating too much, not sleeping well, sleeping too much, feeling down, being manic, etc. I guess the key thing is being different to “normal”, whatever that is for you, and not for the better.

A lot of people with MS get depression. Some of them it’s because of symptoms. Some of them it’s the MS itself, changing their brains. Both can be helped with counselling and/or anti-depressants.

If you’re not happy and you used to be, then maybe you should follow it up? Nothing ventured nothing gained and all that…

Karen x

PS Some of the mouthiest members of my family are on Prozac!

Not sure how to put this, I would be good at depression. No health, No Job, No life, No Girlie etc etc list goes on.

But it could be a stubborn thing or pride/ snobbery, So I keep telling myself I’m fine and refuse to be depressed etc.

I’m unable sometimes I admit to comprehend an alternative answer to something If I have decided my own belief is the correct answer.

Gym therapy would be a good example, But I really cant see how taking a pill will solve any of the above,
the above bugs the hell out of me but what can I do? Not alot. I told this to GP.

I spend alot of time with MS thinking and fighting to walk normalish, stop the drop foot slapping on floor etc things I use to do on auto.

Now if I’m out I have to think every second etc, which does get tiring.

So in a few weeks time after session with haematologist I have to see GP again, rightly or wrongly I shall tell her I’m fine

considering, I dont cry, booze up everynight or get stoned.

Unable to talk to family as they all kinda scatty and think my MS is down to cat bite and infection or me
being electrocuted and stuff.

Lol… pride funny thing that you can worry over your own standards and how you see things,
yet people will not even bother, worry or care about the things you worry about.

I should change my name here to Hyacinth Bouquet

I can give you all sorts of biological and psychological reasons for why a pill helps, but the basic fact is that every single thing we do is controlled by our brain, which is effectively a chemical network. Sometimes the chemicals get off balance a bit. A pill can help get them back working smoothly. Then, when things are a bit better, we don’t feel so bad about the rest of it and can start to do something about the life, the girl, and maybe even the health (a wee bit anyway), which helps the chemicals to get working properly too.

BTW, you have a lot to offer a girl! If I was 10 years younger and not married…

Karen x

Oh my, as I read that I was drinking coffee, I just swallowed wrong and had to clean screen. But thanks!

Well I know my body is out of sync, GP had long convo with haematologist and they both looked at the 6 years of

blood tests. Conclusion was my high white count is nothing to worry about and some other markers she was on about

are and have always been normal. The high white count maybe just the way I am but she won’t be tied down to that until

she runs few more tests, but she said I wasnt urgent so it wont be anytime soon and not to worry about it.

She said if white count high due to infection etc then I forget what its called but something else would also be elevated and my levels

have always been 3 which is normal.

Funny I usually go around without a care in the world and its one of the Neuro’s and GP’s and Private Dr’s that whined me up about

high white count. = paranoiaSo its taken 5 years and thanks to a switched on, pro active GP to look into it and get a final answer.

I usually keep things to myself and only tell snippets here and there to people, I have got use to the MS the bad news with Tysabri and my stupid immune system making anti bodies.

The high white count has always been eating away at me and silly voice of GP ‘Oh white count is very high, you must have a infecton’ and do nothing about it. Googling in the past said High white count could be cancer etc so I told nice GP this and she said bloods dont show that. urgh rambling again lol

Well I feel better now, getting my only main worry off my chest. Funny really all the MS and stuff and I only worry about White count as

it keeps standing out like a sore thumb.

Anyway cheers for nice comment gave me a big giggle.