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DECLINING CHRISTMAS MEAL WITH FAMILY

Oh dear I am in the dog house (again).

My daughter keeps pushing me to go out on ​christmas day for a lunch with her and my son in law.

I dont want to go out. I know if i go out the pain will be horrible for days, i cant sit very comfortably and eating is a chore for me, and the restaurant will be warm, noisy and it will make me feel horrible (i have tried meals out).

Christmas means nothing to me anymore. I lost my mum just after my diagnosis in 2016, and then i lost my beloved hubby in October 2017 and xmas is not on my agenda.

Also it means i have to leave my dog on her own for several hours, she has been my constant for 12 years. I would be worrying about her as the flat is all new to her, and she gets stressy now when i go out. Yes I know i am just making excuses, but isnt it my right to decide if i want to go out or not? Should i be made to feel guilty if i decline? My other daughter offered me lunch in her static home, up in the fields where we have our horses. Her life is total chaos, her home a mess and to be honest to get there she would have to collect me. 5 dogs running around…you get the picture.

so yes i am making excuses.

I simply dont want to go. I actually quite like the idea of a quiet xmas where i can sit and enjoy my own company and watch a load of poop on amazon/nowtv/netflix (actually earmarked the new dolly parton series to watch Heartstrings i watch jolene it was brilliant and was going to watch a few more on xmas day)

I did offer a compromise, I said to my eldest you go out and enjoy your xmas with hubby and then come back to me, and we can have a nice vegan desert and i can buy some nice wine for them, and we can enjoy that together.

they are vegan i am not. I know if i order a turkey meal i will get the roll eyes lol. Nah just kidding.

BUT am i being selfish? The thought of going out makes me feel sick. we have a xmas meal here in my sheltered today 24 people will be there. I am not doing that either, as i can choke on a pea. I am not good with eating with strangers, i.e. choking hazard and having no teeth its hard to eat and i have to take my time. No one has thought less of me, and in fact i am going up there after the meal for a sing along.

i can take my dog as they love her, so she has been invited. Lucy is part of my life now.

BUT how can i make my daughters understand i am ok, I am happy. I have even offered to do a little finger buffet for boxing day so they can come that day god knows where they will all sit ha ha, but xmas day, i really dont want to go out, and i am not cooking a big meal i dont have facilities EVERY YEAR i have either cooked a meal for my family or spent 500.00 taking them all out for lunch including last year before i came here, now i just want to enjoy one xmas on my own with my memories.

Selfish perhaps, but isnt it my choice?

Be honest I can take it. xxxx OH and HAPPY XMAS.

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No you are not selfish at all and don’t think you are.

Non MS’rs have no idea the after effects of doing things out of our comfort zone has on us.

Personally I find Christmas the most depressing time of the year and would rather be on my own and I go to great lengths to make sure it’s just me and my dog on the special day.

So enjoy your day as you want

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Every year our family have an “Xmas get together”, and I’m very happy for them​, but thats where it ends !!

I like nothing more than being in my own warm house, watching the same old cr*p on TV and having a little drinky.

Yes we used to get invited but after repeatedly declining we don’t get asked any longer, thank God !!

Theres no hard feelings because they know we wont go, simple.

In fact over the countless years that this sort of thing has gone on I can only remember us ever going to 1 dinner with them, and that includes even before having the MS.

Many people just like to be on their own, and many many more treat Xmas as just another day, especially as we get older.

MS or no MS we prefer our own company, and thats not saying we dislike the company of others, we just get on with our lives in our little world​.

Heres another example, my father is 83 years old, lives by himself since my mother passed away 4 years ago, my wife does all his shopping and cooks him meals, each Xmas she cooks an extra dinner & desert for him and we drop it down Xmas morning, do you think he’ll come to our house for Xmas dinner, not on your life will he.

Wild horses wouldn’t drag him from there.

He enjoys nothing more than having that dinner, then his desert, watching some sport on TV while he fills his belly with either liquorice toffees or honey roast nuts.

Same every year, but that’s what he wants and he bloody enjoys it, probably more than many others out there !!

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why not arrange to go out for a light? tea on Boxing Day?

I’ve been declining my invitations for years, and I think they’ve all accepted it now. I don’t mean to cause any offence but really just don’t want to do it.

Merry Xmas all, but please don’t set a place at table for Ben.

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Hey Crazy Chick,

you need to do what makes you feel happy and comfortable. Which sounds like snuggled up with Lucy watching Dolly. Your family should understand that this is what you want to do and accept it. You may have to dig your heels in and insist that this is what you want to do. You have tried to suggest compromises to keep your family happy so,let’s hope that this works and you get your Christmas peace.
I really hope it works out for you

Min xx

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Hi everyone thank you for your thoughtful replies. I have decided i am going to have xmas on my own. they will come anyway to drop presents off, by the time they have both done that it will be lunch time anyway, lol. If the weather is good i will go to my husband bench in the town and sit there with lucy and watch the world go by and spend it with Mike as i feel close to him there. if they dont like it well tough. I have hosted xmas nearly every year now its my time to enjoy my xmas the way i want to enjoy it. MERRY XMAS TO YOU ALL. and thank you for taking the time. xxxxxxxxxxx

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I feel exactly the same way - Christmas dinner with my dear wife & 2 adult sons plus the dog (heidi) & the cat (Max) but its the evening jaunt to the in-laws that I’m going to have to cry off this year - its just too much for me & I want to sit at home in front of the fire & watch Father Ted… Happy Xmas to all & keep our heads down & we’ll make it through.

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CC it sounds like you know what you are going to do. this is brilliant. Have an excellent time.

There are far too many commercial / social / family pressures at this time of year. I would not want to spoil anyone else’s time but this does not mean I have to spoil my own time.

Mick

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slightly o/t. My mother-in-law used to come to us for Christmas - to be quite honest she completely spoiled Christmas for me - she had always been ‘a poorly person’ (Not) - and her only topic of conversation was her declining health. She somehow managed to spread her depression and gloom over everyone and everything. The only time she made me smile was when our cat had jumped on to the table and left a couple of white chips from the cat tray on the table - m-i-l mistook them for some of her tablets and with a swig of water she swallowed them!

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LOL that did make me laugh thanks for that. x