Date!

Oh Tina, come `ere.I wanna give you a virtual shake!

I was excited when I saw a post about a date…with your name as the author of the post!

Tina, STOP thinking and start doing. Get that bloke on the phone and make another date.

Give up putting yourself down as poor date material.

So what if it comes to not very much, but it will be a friendship…old or new, it mtters not a jot…just chuffin` DO IT!

luv Pollx

Hi Poll - and Tracey again. :wink: It’s not so much putting myself down as “bad date material”. I dunno if I want the aggro, if I’m really honest. Date 1, he already wants a kiss, I don’t. I’m not saying he was pushy about it or anything - he’s more of a gent than that - but I didn’t get to the age I am without knowing when a bloke wants a kiss. So straight away there’s the pressure he’s NOT just out for a drink and a chat with a friend - he’s hoping it might be more. I know some would say: “So what? A kiss is nothing! A kiss is nice! Why are you even bothered about it?” But I’m not a naturally touchy-feely person, and I’ve got to be very well-smitten before I want kisses. A friend to go out and about with is nice, but not if I’m having to plot how to get out of kissing him. I know it sounds mad, but I feel more relaxed with someone slightly offhand because I don’t feel they’d like to quicken the pace, and it’s me that’s being a spoilsport. It might be partly genetic, because my mum and dad were both quite cool with each other, and even saw other people for quite some time, before they became an item. It took my mum a LONG time to get past: “He’s alright, I s’pose”, even though he eventually turned out to be the love of her life. Luckily for her, Dad was quite cool too, so it didn’t turn into a source of tension between them. T. x

It seems the adult thing to do is to meet again, as friends and enjoy each other’s company, if anything more develops and you feel the “chemistry” great, but if not does it matter? You can still be friends, and we all need friends. Lots of luck xx

Aha, that’s the age-old question, isn’t it? Can a man and woman be “just good friends” if one of them - secretly, or not-so-secretly - is hoping it might be more? Tina x

Tina - remember what I said about harassing you … well this is me with first harass.

As a woman who has been in a male dominated environment since university (engineering degree) I can absolutely say that a man and woman can be friends even if there is attraction on either one or both sides and if circumstances are not right, keep it only as friendship.

You could tell him that you aren’t quite ready to start seeing him ‘officially’ but you had a fun time with him (and it sounds like you did) and would like some more. If he has a problem with that then its his loss but hun, you have enough to trouble you without overthinking this. Go out and have a nice time, it doesn’t need to be more than that.

And if you do then we all want updates

JBK xx

Hi JBK, I’ve been in a male-dominated environment most of my working life too, but not quite as convinced as you.

Yes, I suppose it IS possible, but I’m not sure without someone feeling a bit hurt or disappointed. I have been “chased” (if that’s the right word) by somebody for 20 years - about 19 of those after he’d already married someone else. He knows I’ll never say yes, and I know he knows - but it doesn’t stop him trying. We’re still friends, but for me the friendship would be improved if I didn’t think he was still holding out some hope. Quite apart from the fact he’s married, it was never really a two-way thing anyway, so I could completely do without the flirting and the “accidental” touching.

T.

x

I’ve been fascinated reading his Tina. Like Tracey I could have written the bit about subconsciously looking for people who aren’t really interested. I’ve been internet dating for about a year now during which time I got my diagnosis. The couple who’ve been really keen have been nice guys but I’ve just been totally freaked out by their interest and have said no to more than a first date because I don’t want to get into a situation where they are even keener and I have to call it off. I’m starting to annoy myself now though because I know deep down that it would be lovely to have someone who I know cares about me. I’ve arranged a date for Thursday night with someone I met online. I’ve not told him I have ms yet and I’m still weighing up whether to tell him beforehand. I spoke to him for an hour on he phone last night but there didn’t seem an obvious time to drop it into the conversation! I’d like to say give it another go Tina but then my stomach lurches because I know how I’d feel in that situation. I have a male work colleague who I’m friendly with but keep at arms length because he’s said a few things that made me realise he likes me more romantically. Hmm, difficult one. Go with your gut xxx

Tina, don’t put pressure on yourself…do what feels right for you and what makes you happy x

Okay hun, I get what you mean.

If you dont fancy a snog, a peck…whatever with him, then there`s no chemistry.

Im sorry to hear how much this has upset you... no, not upset........thats the wrong word, but I cant think of a better word to say what I mean.

luv POllx

Hi Poll,

Thanks - you’re right that it’s not as strong as “upset”, because we did have a nice afternoon, but I do not want to hurt or mislead him in any way.

He was quite open about the fact he’s looking for someone - which was flattering in one way, as obviously he must trust me - he didn’t feel the need to be secretive or guarded about anything.

But it’s also setting the level of expectation quite high, with someone you haven’t met or kept in touch with in over ten years. Perhaps I was a bit freaked by the fact he seemed so keen so soon. But maybe, for him, it isn’t soon? Perhaps he was an admirer ten years ago, and is now regretting not saying anything?

Funny story, and may be nothing to do with it - but years ago, in the office, I found a memo I had sent, and around my signature, somebody had drawn all hearts and flowers. I never did find out who, and I’m sure it wasn’t intended for me to see - I just found it lying about. So I must have had a secret admirer. It did occur to me to send a second, humorous memo, on general distribution, saying: “Would the person who decorated my signature please be so kind as to make themselves known to me, as it may be in both our interests.”

But it was quite a large office - I’d say over 80 people - most of them male, so it really could have been anyone. But I’ve always wondered, and still remember it. Didn’t quite have the courage to ask on Saturday: “Did you do a lovestruck doodle round anybody’s signature, once upon a time?” Wonder if he’d have admitted if he had?

T.

x

You know, he sounds a lovely bloke…and yes, he may have been the one who decorated yor memo, but didnt have the confidence to speak to you in person…but if hes not for you, in an intimate way, then thats that.

It`s a shame he doesnt just want the same as you…a good friendship.

How are you going to let him know? Be gentle.

luv Pollx

Hello pollx, tracy ,and tina, long time no talk hope you are all ok well,Or as well as can be concidering lolTina glad to see you are going on dates,the right man will come along just got to get out there xx Have had to open new account as could not access old account under username julie f as email address has chnged so cannot retrieve password link.Havent been on a wile is pat snow leapard still on and all others have to find you all again .Hubby still struggling on has a guide dog now,but struggles some days with ms so when bad i walk him.I started to suffer chorea in left arm &leg and muscle tics everywhere else both sides of body no muscle weakness but muscle tightness and pain have really abnormal blood work and found have to many antibodys and still getting lung pain and rib pain since coming out hospital in august 2013.Gp put me as urgent referal to rheumology think they are thinking along lines of autoimmune connective tissue disorders.xx julie ann formally julie f

Hi Julie, good to see you here.

Yes, snow leopard…Pat…is still a member,but she posts more on PPMS board now. She`s just had a heart scare, but is ok. Look for her there, yeh?

Sorry to hear of your on-going health worries. It`s a chuff innit?

luv Pollx