I used to sit next to Noddy Holder at school. The teacher was always catching him eating snacks. One day she snapped and shouted, “What are you eating now?” Noddy replied, “IT’S CRISPS MISSSSSS!”
2 Likes
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mum only carries one photo, because once you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal!
1 Like
I spent all day yesterday searching for our cat, but no luck. When I came home the wife said that I should look harder. So I shaved my head and got a couple of tattoo’s, it didn’t help though…
2 Likes
You nutter! But it did make me giggle aloud!
Boudsx
I’ve been invited to the RNLI’s Christmas party… I’m quite looking forward to it. They really know how to push the boat out!
1 Like
Got my £10 Christmas Bonus this week. Now that is a joke. Better than nothing so I’ve been told. Really?
you can at least buy 10 stamps to post 10 cards!
(your jokes are excellent btw)
Scudger…I am nominating you our new Leader of Jokes and all daft stuff. You are the wonderful ADs successor. The pays not good, but the admiration from us minions is amazing!
Boudsx
My wife and I had a big argument last night. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible… Wait until she hears I’ve won the Nigerian lottery!
1 Like
Scudger,
You just made my day a lot less crappy. I am smiling and super grateful.
M
Scudger,
Anything that makes us laugh under the current situation gets a thumbs up from me.
Mind, you may not get to hear the laughter from wherever you are.
Just looked some topical ones up that I thought were quite funny. No offence meant.
The top 10 British cracker jokes of 2020
1 What is Dominic Cummings’s favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas.
2 Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop? Many of his workers have had to elf isolate!
3 Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were cancelled.
4 Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity.
5 Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen.
6 Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? Because, eventually, it’s behind you.
7 Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the inn.
8 Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have.
9 What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put on a super spread.
10 Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time? Home Alone.
Jen
3 Likes
Last time of trying, hope this is ok
1 Like
Thank you mad people for making me laugh!
Mogace that baby cheeses was ace, in fact (Mog)ace,
Thanks Carole as you know I am a big fan of both cheese and schoolboy humour mick
I like jokes numbers 3 and 6. Lets take a poll and see which jokes get most points! Ill do the counting.
Boudsx
Someone told me there was an Abba tribute band playing in the City Centre last night. Didn’t think any more about it until 7.30pm. It was loud! You could hear the drums from Nandos!
1 & 10
for me
Jokes 4 & 7 for me
Ahhhhhhh! Sorry I hate Alexa jokes as my granddaughter is called Alexa.
She was born 2 years before amazon stole her name. Thank heavens she doesn’t let it get to her.
Ooops sorry Verona and Alexa, I think Alexa is a lovely name so no offence is intended. M