I haven’t been on here since the website changed. I am in a strange place right now. Decided I needed to write how I feel to share as in the past this has been a great support.
All of a sudden everything has become a challenge and I don’t feel I have the energy to keep fighting,I’ve been doing so and it’s getting a bit much. I was made redundant in January and have been struggling to get a job. It’s got to the point where I’ve had an interview for something I’m not keen on and the hours are more than I wanted 35hrs but I told myself it’s local and I’ll manage. It always seems that way in my head at first, then when I really think about it I think ‘No what are you doing, stop trying to compromise yourself when you know those hours are not what you want’. I guess I’m thinking just do it and hopefully you might be able to get the hours changed or something. It’s admin in a centre and I applied more for desperation. I’m so nervous as the competition is crazy and the employers are so testing asking you to jump unnecessary hurdles because they can. I feel stressed every day and night and have been comfort eating as I’m worried I am no use to anyone. Are there no jobs that are disability friendly? I’ve been looking at office work and I was a careers adviser. Most of the jobs are full time or I’m just not getting them. I am generally unhappy and trying to fight through,but now becoming tired.
I have a friend who said he’d keep in touch regularly to see how I am but to be honest, ever since I’ve known him he comes with good intentions through his words when he can find the time to speak to me which is hardly ever. He is too busy with his career and I really could do with him being there for me which I’ve said but he’s not. I now feel a bit rubbish as I feel that perhaps I’m no longer the same person he knew before, perhaps I’m not up to his standard being jobless. I’m tired and remaining positive is now becoming a major challege and trying to stay happy so my son isn’t affected. If I get this job I guess I’ll take it regardless of the 35 hrs and I’ll keep my eyes open they said it’ll drop to 19hrs in march. I don’t even know what I want to do for work anymore.
Going to stop now as I’m rattling on.