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Caring for parents

Hi everyone,

Does anyone know of any good books that are about caring for a parent with a disability? I’m having difficulty finding one that isn’t about caring for aging parents. Or even if you know of a book about caregiving that is very applicable to my situation.

Background: I am 25 years old and have a parent who is in a wheelchair and needs 24 hr care. So it’s a bit different than caring for an aging parent, but it’s caring for a middle care parent as my child none the less.

I obviously feel overwhlemed by my role that I have been somewhat “forced” into, as I don’t have any siblings to take some of the burden. I find myself more worried about my parents’ lives than my own and spend so much of my time giving myself to them rather than being a normal young adult.

There is homecare involved, but as anyone knows, homecare does not replace the need for family members to take on a large portion of the care. My mum has been in a wheelchair since I was a teenager so I have spent so much of my life dedicated to taking care of her that I feel like my own life has been greatly affected. It’s a strange place to be in when you are a “parent” to your parent, but you are still a “child” in their eyes (as they are not at an age where I can really take the reigns. Shes in her 50s).

At this point I feel trapped. I can’t ever move away because I have such a large responsibility; I can’t really follow any of my own dreams because that takes time away from caregiving; I can’t ever imagine having children as I don’t have anymore time and I barley get to solely think of myself as it is. My life really does revolve about worrying about my mum and meeting her needs.

If anyone has any advice on a good book or place for information that would be greatly appreciated! I love my parents so much and I wish that things would be different so badly. And I feel horrible even writing this post, but I realise that it is a normal human reaction to a large responsibility of caring for a parent physically in all areas. But I have pushed aside my own feelings and frustrations with being in a caregiver role that I am really needing some good solid advice.

Thanks

You need more than a book lovely, you need HELP! Where ever you live there will be a carer centre near you. https://carers.org/

You are a person in your own right and deserve a life of your own. Get in touch with social services, tell them YOU need respite. Please tell your parents you need help and consider getting carers in to share the load. Being a carer should not be the total of your existence. Please don’t think, I don’t know what I’m on about. I care for my partner whos on home dialysis, 4 days a week. If we didn’t do other stuff - seperately, we send each other nuts!!

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Hello Anon, you are entitled, by law, to a Carer’s Assessment from your local council:

"A carer’s assessment is an opportunity to discuss with the local council what support or services you need. The assessment will look at how caring affects your life, including for example, physical, mental and emotional needs, and whether you are able or willing to carry on caring.

Carer’s Assessment - Carers UK"

  • I took that quote from the Carers UK website.

https://www.carersuk.org

Good luck.

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