I have had just about enough of this miserable exsistance,i have had ms a long, time now,and have always coped with, what it threw at me,along with all the other things,and believe me,i have had more than the average person, i am really.really ill just now, and have been for a long time,i cant function very much at all, and i am afraid i cant take anymore.i have no friends,they scarperd over the years, i have my husband and grown up kids,but they are struggling.i cant stand to see the fear in their eyes.my siblings have never even acknowledged that i have ms,they just ignore it,so i have no one i can talk to,i choose not to burden my husband and kids, they have enough on trying to help when i am this bad, i have told them i will go in a home, because they wont be able to cope.they are finding it hard now, but at least i can still wash myself,so what are they going to do when i cant get to the toilet by myself,i wish i had the guts to end it all.but the thought of what that would do to my family kills me,so here i am just praying i could die in my sleep,that would be best for all of us,at least thy could get on with their lives.i have always been a strong person, i have had to be, but there comes a time when even the strongest cant take anymore.this sites the one and only outlet i have.
Hi Anon
I am so sorry that things are so hard for you. You are right, you need to hang on to the thought of how anything you do would affect your husband and kids.
Is there anyone you can talk to? GP? MS nurse? You do need some help to cope with it all (anyone would).
This illness is a bstrd but tomorrow is another day, you won’t feel like this forever.
Anne x
Oh my darling, My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry that things have become so difficult. Your family love you so much and don’t see you as a burden - nor are you. The fact that you can still wash yourself and get to the toilet are huge things! You do still have autonomy. I am sure that there is help out there for you and your family to ease the stress on you all. Poll (MS43) has carers that help every day. I am sure someone will come on to tell you where to get some aid. Do not all try to do this alone - I’m sure there are plenty of people who will happily help you. I am sorry that members of your family are so unsupportive. Many cannot cope when there is something wrong with us! You are a strong person - hang onto that thought and stay on here. We are happy to support each other. Please do not give up. I am sure much can be done to make life easier and more comfortable. I am thinking of you and wishing you the best. I hope you will seek some help! Teresa xx
don’t ever think of yourself as a burden, its not your fault this crap happened to you. I do understand exactly where your coming from, my ms has hit me really hard also, and from time to time I am overwhelmed by guilt as to what this condition entails for everyone around me. I did used to think suicidal thoughts quite a lot, and like you I was so worried about what it would do to the people left behind. so now I don’t even entertain the idea(its a waste me time). I try to look at what I do have left and what I still can do,which is not the same as before ms, I’m 29 and it sickens me how much I depend on others, not to mention my wheelchair and all the other aids to get me through the day. its not inevitable you won’t be able to care for your self in the future. try and keep your chin up and bring the fighter back. (also. try and embrace misery ha ha. I find it helps) take care Scott
Listen, you have us to talk to, us to let out all your worries, and us to try console you and help you through this darkness. Most of us on here have suffered ms for some time and know what despair it can bring. Also friends disappearing, because they cant be bothered sticking around. They werent much use anyway if theyre like that.
The best thing to try do is see things in a different light, and harder said than done, however Ive often said I cannot see my own garden but others say its nice. I never see my lounge, but once out somewhere and upon returning, my lounge doesnt look like mine, nice and tidy and nicely decorated. Its a case of seeing the wood without the trees interfering.
Your husband obviously loves you, your children cant bear to talk about ms, because theyve had to deal with their own demons regarding their mother dealing with it. perhaps they care more than they purport to.
We sometimes feel so alone, yet find friends be it online or just talking through ones feelings with others. Try telling your husband your frightened and see what he says. If we dont voice our inner most feelings then how do others know we feel useless and so ill?
The biggest battle is living with this monster and when we feel its doing its worst then we must muster up all our strength and try not let it beat us, for we deserve a life, be it in a different manner.
Do ask your gp for help, keep talking on here and sharing, for we know what your going through. Life can indeed be very lonely and we feel so alone with this monster, but you know you dont have to let it get you, fight, but know you may need a little help to give you the strength to do so. Please dont give up, we value your input into life with ms, remember you are helping others by describing your lowest time. Hopefully lighter times will come allowing you to again laugh and enjoy your life, regardless of how limited it really is. You are special, just the same as anyone else. Talk, ask and beg for help, for people arent mind readers.
I send you loads of ((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))), know you are not alone in this battle.
take care,
bren
x
Hello Anon,
Firstly put those thoughts right out of your head, you are valued by your husband and children, what would it do to them?
Give Social Services a ring, get daily help, don’t cry out for help SHOUT IT OUT. See your gp, ms nurse, neuro make a real fuss and tell people how you feel including your O/H. There’s no reason why you should gp through this on your own.
My heart goes out to you and you know we’re always here for you, but please, please get help.
Thinking of you and sending (((((HUGS)))))
Janet
x
Stay strong, I know its easy said but you do have your husband anf grown up family. Try if you can by writing your thoughts down, this helps when you are at rock bottom. Also get intouch with GP ASAP…They are lots of us on here to chat too and help you get through some rough times.
Please also talk to your family and tell them this is how you feel and you would like them to be there just for support.
Stay in touch .
Jan xxx
Sending big hugs for you, the advice above is fantastic and I hope you will find the strength to follow some of it if not all of it. Thinking of you (((((((HUGS))))))), as Bren said you are not alone. Carla xxx
Sorry you feeling so bad, Is there a MS group near you. They can help in all sorts of ways. Where abouts are you located??
Big Huggs XXX
Thank you so much for all your kind words, i had a really good cry,when i read alll your replies,today i feel much more positive, i made a list of ALL the things i STILL can do, like getting washed,going to the toilet,eating,coming on PC and so on, and when i have gone through the list, i have told myself, well actually theres still quite a bit that i can still do,takes a lot of effort,but so what,so told myself off for getting so down,and i know there are a lot worse off than me too,so from now on, i am going to look at the list i made and be thankfull.
Thanks again i am really pleased i have you lot on here.
xxxxxxxx
Hi I am so pleased you are feeling better, peeps on this site are just brilliant aren’t they? It is so easy to feel down I worry about the future more than anything else but then think why none of us know whats around the corner whether we have MS or not. Hope you continue to feel more positive. Take care. Karen x
I am so glad you are feeling better. We are all allowed down days I think. The secret is to not let them go on for too long. It is for me anyway.
This disease can be so terribly awful, in different ways for so many of us. We just have to battle on. I am glad for the support on here. These people are real friends to each other and to us, even though we may never have met.
Keep rolling as my dear old Dad would say.
Anne xx
Hi, I didnt see your initial post…so when I read it just now I felt so concerned for you.
Then I saw how your replies have made you re-evaluate your life.
Isnt it marvelous, that we can come here, say exactly how we feel and then get replies which turn us around? That`s just what this site was intended to do. I know I for one, would have been lost without it.
You say you used to be a strong person and you felt all that strength had now gone, yet here you are, ready to fight another day.
Sometimes, when we think all is lost, we are given a glimmer of hope. we delve right deep down inside ourselves and find that tiny speck of will power, which enables us to kick back and say, Yeh, I may be broken, but im still here`.
may I give you a tip love? I am no longer unable to see to my personal hygiene without help. After 2 or 3 years of arguments with my hubby, I applied for Direct Payments. I have now been using these for 18 months and boy! what a difference it has made to my life!
I have 3 carers besides my hubby. One comes in every morning, with a cheery smile. We have a natter, she gets me up, showers and dresses me. 2 other carers take me out twice a week and hubby gets a break from me…t`other way round too, eh?
Now we are talking about a respite break, so me and the girls can tootle off to Blackpool for a few days.
Do you think Direct Payments could help you too? If you`d like some more info on it, why not PM me, eh?
luv Pollx
Hi Anon,
Really pleased to hear that you are feeling more positive, phew, you had me worried there. We always tend to find that extra little strength from the peeps on here, they are all real gems who listen and know exactly what you’re about. Hope tomorrows even better for you.
Janet
x
hi anon
why don’t you apply for a respite break? ask your local ms society, they may be able to offer you a grant.
take care and don’t let those demons back in to your head
carole x
Hi Anon Glad you are feeling more positive. Talk to us on here when you feel down and hopefully we can help you through it. Stay strong! Teresa xx