Drat! I knew I’d got my years muddled up 'cos I turned up last night dressed as a giant carrot. For some reason unbeknown to me, I got a few odd looks.
Happy new year foggies thanks for keeping me laughing during my insomniac hours last few weeks. Froo x (the quiet one who secretly loves cheese)
froo, “secretly” ?
I understand that not everyone will want to witter on or shout about cheese as I do (a result of cheese deprivation and repression in my youth) but clandestine cheese appreciation sounds odd. I know that dairy products are not the best thing for me but I can not help myself. However you enjoy your cheese, (secretly or bellowing from the rafters) I hope you have a great 2020.
M
And a very Happy New Year to you too, Froo! May I interest you in a carrot or two to go with your secret stash of cheese? xx
Classified Ads
Lost & Found
Found at back of village hall this morning.
Half full bottle Chateauneuf du Pape.
Partly eaten truckle of Jarlsberg.
One pair red knickers.
If anyone wishes to claims these items, please contact Mrs Trellis via the village notice board.
Immediately.
Thank you
Jarlsberg for fogs sake???
that is another reportable crime against cheese
M
I didn’t say that anything about this incident was in good taste.
The chateaneuf du pape might be mine. Equally the pants. I may have missed NYE, but the New Year party was ace. I think. Oh that Mr Durer, what a man!! Marriage be damned.
(The pretend cheese was not mine!)
§ xx
I thought that Mrs Trellis behind the village hall.
Still, I’m glad you had a good time.
Can I have my wallet back? (You can keep the cash but I do need my library card.)
AD
I can’t believe that such a (to me) important and memorable life experience is less so to you.
I’m also rather embarrassed to have revealed my clearly unrequited passion so publicly.
I find your reduction of my honour to have been no more than a ‘good time’ unforgivable.
Thus not only will I be keeping your wallet and money! I’ll be pinning your library ticket up on the village hall notice board with a big sigh indicating you as a PHILANDERER!!
§ue
Happy New Year - Blwyddyn Newydd Dda (from Taffland) - yeni ilinis mubarek (Azerbajani) Now to explain why we have an Azerbajani greeting Wales has qualified for the final stages of Europa 2020. They are in the same group as Croatia - Switzerland and Italy. Now this is hard to believe but the matches Wales v Switzerland and v Croatia are being held in Baku Azerbaijan (is Azerbaijan actually in Europe?) Their match against Italy will be held in Rome - All of Italy’s three qualifying matches are being held at ‘home’ in Rome. (and England’s three qualifying matches are at ‘home’ at Wembley.) But on to the recently found red knickers - if they have a dragon or leek on the er crotch they may not belong to Mrs Trellis ……….
as a youngster I used to collect stamps too
M
I don’t have lot of experience with ladies underwear but I know that Mrs Trellis has a tattoo of Caernarfon Castle where you wouldn’t expect it.
I’m trying to persuade her to get one of the Tower of London but she’s not keen on the idea of the Yeoman Warders looking at her Crown Jewels.
JP
where does she keep the Ravens ? … or was it Barbary apes?
M
You are obviously a very troubled and confused young man. I shudder to think what you might dream about.
Let me give some fatherly advice. It may make your passage through the next twelve months a good deal easier.
- Don’t lust after loose women.
- Lay off the cheese after dusk.
- Never pick a cat up by the fur on its belly.
- Refrain from whistling in Court.
- Learn how to mix cement properly.
These, and other maxims, have served me well over the years. As has a fixed gear Raleigh bicycle and puncture repair kit.
Oh; and Good luck. With your attitude you’re going to need it.
J Prideaux (Mystery shopper to Poundland).
Might I enquire, Mr Prideaux what kind of women you recommend lusting after? I’ve tried being loose but lustful men are generally in short supply (hence my masquerading as Mrs Trellis recently - yes, I’m afraid it was deliberate). So if you could see your way to advising me what kind of woman I should aim to either be, or pretend to be, I’d be very grateful.
§ue x (ever hopeful)
Dear Ms Hopeful,
I can do no better than to quote that eminent philosopher and lifestyle guru Doris Day when she said, “Que sera sera.” And in case you don’t speak Classical Greek that means, “If you don’t know by now, you never will.”
However, if you feel this is a cop-out then bear in mind the immortal words of the great physicist Prof. B. Bunney when he uttered the immortal line, “Neeeeeh. What’s up Doc?” to which his assistant Porky Pig replied, “Th, th, th, that’s all folks.”
I trust this helps and that you’ll make better decisions in future.
JP
“Ever hopeful” is just his kind of lass.
Flopsy might wish to critique this artwork
- Don’t lust after loose women. NOT A FAN OF DAYTIME TV
- Lay off the cheese after dusk. NOW HE TELLS ME
- Never pick a cat up by the fur on its belly. MY PERSONAL FAVE - USE VELCRO GLOVES
- Refrain from whistling in Court. ONLY LOUDLY DURING SENTENCING
- Learn how to mix cement properly. 2 OF SAND 1 OF CEMENT. IN THE ABSENCE OF WATER USE ARALDITE
These, and other maxims, have served me well over the years. As has a fixed gear Raleigh bicycle and puncture repair kit.
Oh; and Good luck. With your attitude you’re going to need it. - I BLAME THE PARENTS - OR THE CHEESE
m
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Well, I never did! Had to put my specs on to check out that second image - BTW, is that a new treatment for fogginess?
If I were to be a ‘loose’ bunny, I’d probably look like the second pic. I know that some of you will be bowled over by my excessively good looks, so please form a queue.